Teens & Alcohol Drinking

Hi Ann,

>>>>>>>>>>>>> I’ve commented below.

Our 15 (almost 16 year old) son went to a friend’s house last night for a party.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Did he “earn” this privilege? If so, how?

The parents were home ...the grandmother was there ...they assured me that they would have a close eye on the kids and when I picked him up this morning them other assured me that they were all good. I know the boy whose house the party was at is wild and know that he bragged about having alcohol there. I picked my son up and he seemed fine.

I have software that allows me to monitor his conversations online. Others are typing him about his "condition" last night and he is bragging about not knowing what he was doing and typed that he was "hoaking" (may be a typo but wondering if this slang word means anything to you?!!?!)

I don’t know now what to do?

>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Hoaking? Who knows?

* 7.2 million adolescents drank at least once in the past year
* 2.7 million teens drank alcohol about once a month or more in the past year
* 1 million youths drank at least once a week or more in the past year
* Girls were as likely as boys their age to drink alcohol

Short of keeping him in the house 365 days a year, do the following:

Be sure to clearly state your expectations regarding his drinking and establish consequences for breaking rules. Your values and attitudes count, even though he may not always show it.

If one or more members of your immediate or extended family has suffered from alcoholism, your son may be more vulnerable to developing a drinking problem. He needs to know that for him, drinking may carry special risks.

Should he come home under the influence, make sure he is in no immediate danger due to alcohol abuse, but wait until he is sober to address the problem. When he sobers up, do the following:

Say (with your best poker face), "I’m concerned that you consumed alcohol the other night. I feel worried."

Next, Listen. Give your him a chance to speak (although all you're going to hear is a line of bullshit; he will be angry with you for confronting him and will want you to get off his back; he will probably deny that he drank any alcohol; even if he admits to drinking, he will most likely blame someone else for the drinking episode).

Then say, "The house rule is no drinking before the age of 21. If you choose to ignore this rule, you'll choose the consequence -- the police will be called and you will be charged with minor consumption."

End on a positive note by saying, "To help you be successful with following this house rule, I will provide discipline, structure, added supervision, and spot checks. I know you are more than capable of following this house rule - I have faith in you - I know you can do this!"

If your son has another drinking episode, follow through with the consequence you stated.


1. I have asked him and of course he denies anything went on.

2. Before when we have suspected foul play we have bluffed and he has confessed about being somewhere he should not be or having a SIP of booze...

I know that we have come down VERY hard on him for ANY of these events and as such he has been depressed and house bound ...as virtually all of the parties/houses he gets invited to I KNOW have alcohol and I think he has avoided all contact with kids because of this fear that he will get caught and it's not worth going out at all? That was why we let him go to this SUPERVISED party?! Let me know...

Thanks,

A.M.

www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

You said it would get worse before it gets better - but now what?

HELP!

We just recently began your program (1 wk ago or so). It is working well with our 15 year old son, not so great with the 17 year old. The older son is definitely our strong willed child who seems to fit the 'class clown' scenario well. Here's the issue.

The older son....
He is on internet school. His car privileges had already been previously suspended (pending his retaining a job to pay for his own insurance, gas, repairs etc - he was abusing our giving natures) so we grounded him for 3 days for an 'infraction'.

My husband typically works from home so he is able to 'monitor' the older sons activities (which also was a bit of a issue as the older son would just about work my husband to death emoting and arguing). This week however my husband is working away from the house. The older son chose to leave the house on Sunday (his last day of grounding). He came home after we were already in bed and then chose again to leave the house for the entire afternoon and evening on Monday (tried to borrow his biological fathers vehicle and was sent away from dad's office based on him being grounded and subsequently had to a 4 hour walk home - arriving again after my husband and I had gone to bed). He has done the same thing again today.

He has told my younger son that he is trying to get a lot of time in with his girlfriend as her family is having some paternally inflicted physical abuse and she is being sent to family in California 'soon'.

By the way...we pulled him out of formal school as his 'social life' was dominating his daily decisions and he was on the brink of total educational disaster.

So, we finally found some 'practical' advise on disciplining our children. I'm afraid we may be too late with the older child - he seems bent on doing things 'his way'. Our older son is like a pit bull with issues (I'm afraid he gets that from me) he debates well and typically leaves us looking at each other wild eyed because his arguments have validity. He then can pull the emotional card with the 'class clown' flair and have us laughing so hard our eyes are tearing. This has always worked for him - we've just recently figured out his game! So we're dead set on not allowing the arguments and not letting him break through our 'barriers'.

You said it would get worse before it gets better - but now what????

S. & T.

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Well first of all, let me point out the things you are doing right:

Re: “His car privileges had already been previously suspended (pending his retaining a job to pay for his own insurance, gas, repairs etc - he was abusing our giving natures) so we grounded him for 3 days for an 'infraction'.”

==>You hit the bull’s eye (or should I say pit bull’s eye).

Re: “By the way...we pulled him out of formal school as his 'social life' was dominating his daily decisions and he was on the brink of total educational disaster.”

==> Another bull’s eye!

Re: Your son refusing to complete his 3-day discipline.

==> I’ll simply refer you to the anger management chapter of the ebook for this one. If you’re still unclear about what to do after reviewing that chapter, just email with a specific question.

Re: “I'm afraid we may be too late with the older child - he seems bent on doing things 'his way'.”

==> It’s not too late …you’re just still trying to figure out his poker hand. At this point, he’s much better at poker than you. Get your game on lady! : =)

Re: “You said it would get worse before it gets better - but now what????”

==> You stay in the game. Are you thinking about folding (poker lingo)? You put on your best poker face and keep following the strategies in my ebook. If you have a specific question at any point down the road – hit me.

==> Your son is trying very hard to prove to you that you have no power, that your disciplinary techniques don’t work, that your parenting strategies are ineffective – DON’T BE FOOLED!!!

www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com