Thanks for your concern. Well I have started reading the ebook, but have not yet completed. I thought I should first complete reading before implementing. I think its an excellent book and am looking forward to seriously using the advise given there. I just wanted a little clarity with respect to my case. Please bear with me.
I have only one adopted child (adopted from the day she was born) who just turned thirteen. Since childhood we have found her to be a very difficult child. Though we have not got her diagnosed clinically as an ODD child, from what I have read in the past and also from your book she conforms to at least 90% of the criteria given for ODD.
Since she had always been very hyper, impulsive, lacked concentration, easily distracted and used abusive language, I had her locally (in Pakistan) assessed when she was 8 and was told she is not ADHD just a high spirited child and needed a behavioural therapy program.
In order to confirm this I had taken her to a psychiatrist in Dallas (where my family lives) when she was ten years old and she was diagnosed as having anxiety disorder with a mild case of ADHD not to be ruled out.
At that time she had a fear of darkness and never slept alone in her room. She slept with us till she was ten. Then based on the US doc’s advice, I gradually (in one years time) weaned her out of this and now she is not scared of the dark and sleeps alone in her room -- in fact she does not even want us to enter her room.
I realised from what I have read in your book that our parenting style was the one used by parents of normal children. Honestly speaking I am more of an overindulgent parent. But due to the unmanageable state of affairs now which has driven us up the wall, we feel we need help.
My question to you is that do you think its safe to follow your instructions given in your book even though she has not been clinically diagnosed as ODD?
If you need to know more about my daughter please feel free to ask. I just feel that since none of my previous parenting style has helped I should follow your advise as my gut feeling is that something is definitely wrong with her behaviour as she lacks control and is highly emotionally sensitive too.
Anxiously awaiting your reply,
I’ll give you the short answer first:
The methods described in my ebook are very safe for those children who have not yet been diagnosed with ODD.
Most of my teen and pre-teen clients have not been formally diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) or conduct disorder (CD). But ALL of them have the characteristics of the disorders to one degree or another. Whether you have big problems or small ones, the techniques discussed in the ebook will work well for you.
Now for the longer answer:
If your daughter has only four of the following characteristics, she is ODD. And ODD never travels alone, so it doesn’t surprise me that she has some ADHD symptoms going on as well. 30% to 40% of ADHD kids also have ODD:
1. Often loses temper
2. Often argues with adults
3. Often actively defies or refuses to comply with adults' requests or rules
4. Often deliberately annoys people
5. Often blames others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior
6. Is often touchy or easily annoyed by others
7. Is often angry and resentful
8. Is often spiteful and vindictive
All of the criteria above include the word "often". Recent studies have shown that these behaviors occur to a varying degree in all children. Thus, researchers have found that the "often" is best solved by the following criteria.
Has occurred at all during the last three months:
· Is spiteful and vindictive
· Blames others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior
Occurs at least twice a week:
· Is touchy or easily annoyed by others
· Loses temper
· Argues with adults
· Actively defies or refuses to comply with adults' requests or rules
Occurs at least four times per week:
· Is angry and resentful
· Deliberately annoys people
I hope this answers your question.
Stay in touch,
The Strong-Willed Out-of-Control Teen
The standard disciplinary techniques that are recommended for “typical” teenagers do not take into account the many issues facing teens with serious behavioral problems. Disrespect, anger, violent rages, self-injury, running away from home, school failure, hanging-out with the wrong crowd, drug abuse, theft, and legal problems are just some of the behaviors that parents of defiant teens will have to learn to control.
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