HELP FOR PARENTS WITH STRONG-WILLED, OUT-OF-CONTROL CHILDREN AND ADOLESCENTS

Education and Counseling for Individuals Affected by Oppositional Defiant Disorder and ADHD

$50 for each A ?!

On the rewards idea for a middle school student: On the final report card: Is giving them $$50 for each A and $$25 for each B too much?

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Actually, I don't recommend paying kids for good grades at all. Once you start down this slippery slope, you have to keep raising the stakes. And once kids get old enough to earn their own money, you lose leverage. Not to mention that this kind of deal doesn't always work.

Child psychologist Sylvia Rimm points out that for high-achieving students, money doesn't matter. And, Rimm says, kids who are underachievers fail because they're inconsistent. So if they slip and get a poor grade, they figure that they're not going to get the reward and give up. Even worse, parents sometimes end up paying them for half measures and the system backfires.

In my experience, paying a compliment is better than paying cash. Reward good grades -- or consistent effort -- by giving your kids a hug, a word of encouragement, or a spontaneous treat -- anything but money. That way kids learn the personal satisfaction that comes with a job well done. Sometimes money can be too powerful a motivator for parents to resist. But even then it seems to work best in small amounts and limited circumstances.

One dad I know came up with a set of financial incentives to reward his 11-year-old son for good study habits and improved grades even if the grades weren't As. But the boy was also motivated by a conscientious teacher and by his dad, who took an interest in his progress.

In every film about kids overcoming odds to reach a goal (think of To Sir, With Love, Stand and Deliver, Hoosiers, Coach Carter), the hero is either an inspirational teacher or a tough-as-nails coach who achieves success by holding the kids to a higher standard -- not by holding out a paycheck.

Mark

Online Parent Support

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think it is way to much! It wouldnt be teaching them the value of money... and it is harder these days to keep it. What could that child possibly be buying with so much money? Why does the reward have to be money? We use a system for our 6th and 8th grade sons where they can pick where we eat out at since we hardly ever eat out, and they get 5.00 each A! We have 4 children and our kids know the value of a dollar is very important ....

Anonymous said...

What are total rewards you have worked out with the child per day, per week? A reward system has to be put into place I like the rewards where the parents set the uses of privileges, then let kids add a few treats he likes. The child can trade privileges for money if the parent permits it. $25 and $50 are much too much for A's and B's, I agree.

Anne said...

We don't reward for good grades. However, we do have consequences for bad ones. Our kids lose their electronic devices 1 week for each D and 2 weeks for each F received. They get grade report cards 4 times per school year.

Also, our kids go to private school. I told them that we only pay for school through grade 12. If they don't pass, they have to pay for it themselves or finish high school in public school.

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