Hi G.,
I’ve responded throughout your email below:
Dear Mark,
I've written to you before. I had asked you about birth control for my daughter. Just a couple of questions as we move forward these next couple of weeks.
Anyway, my husband and I are currently experiencing the "getting worse before it gets better" that you mentioned. Our 15-year-old daughter has now resorted to telling me quite frequently, not her father "You can shut up now!" He is finding this as frustrating as I am right now. We are having difficulty just getting her to sit and talk to us. We tried the sample contract regarding fair fighting to establish some ground rules for all 3 of us only to be told "I'm not signing anything". She is not interested in anything to do with "feelings" and we are "too late" to make changes. She tells us what she is going to do and has ceased asking permission for anything.
== > IMPORTANT: There are 2 versions of the Fair Fighting strategy. It sounds like you are using the one in the Printable Version of the eBook. For teenagers, you will want to use the one in the Online Version. Also, if you have not viewed ALL the Instructional Videos in the Online Version – you are missing 60% of the material.
The weekend before my mother came for a visit. Grandmother and granddaughter had a late night conversation where my mother told me that my daughter had told her about the boyfriend and some of what was going on at home as well. My mother revealed to her things from my teenage years. For example, that her father and I were dating, I got pregnant at 16 and had an abortion. She told her some very personal and negative things that I don't think my daughter was emotionally ready to hear right now or for that matter from anyone else but her father and I. Needless to say this gave my daughter additional "ammunition" to "fight" the changes we are trying to implement with her.
1. I wondered if you have any advice on how to handle this?
== > I wouldn’t worry about this one. You’ve got nothing to be ashamed about. The truth about some of your past is out – and that’s o.k.
2. Also, my husband asked how we should respond if she asks us where we are getting these contracts and chore charts? She has been doing some chores to earn an allowance but we liked the idea of implementing the point system. Money, the computer and learning to drive are very important to her right now.
== > Say, “From the internet.” That’s all she needs to know.
We have discovered that we both have been overindulgent with this one as she is our only daughter and the youngest child. Not the best excuse but we are coming to accept our situation these days.
At this moment my husband and I are waiting at home. Our daughter ran away again last night and we just filed a police report. We are looking over your materials so that we are prepared for what to expect when she comes home or is brought home. We haven't finished the 4 weeks yet as we were planning to implement Week 3 assignments. It is very difficult when things are getting worse around. I am trying to find my poker face here, as is my husband. Can you give us some guidance? Thank you.
== > It sounds like you are doing exactly what you should. Can I alleviate your anxiety about the tough work you’re doing? No. Always keep in the back of your mind that you are in the process of developing emotional muscles that you would never have developed otherwise – muscles that will make you stronger …muscles that will help you conquer future problems.
Hunker down – stay tough! The reward will be well worth the effort.
