HELP FOR PARENTS WITH STRONG-WILLED, OUT-OF-CONTROL CHILDREN AND ADOLESCENTS

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Her grades have gone from B's to F's...

My 15 year old daughter has had years worth of problems being accepted by her peers (she was diagnosed with ADHD at age 12). This past summer, she earned enough money to buy her own cell phone and pays a monthly fee for unlimited texting. Her grades have gone from B's to F's. I think she has become addicted to the constant source of contact with peers (regardless of if it is worthwhile, supportive, etc. or not). While I do not micromanage her school work, I have tried to provide incentive. For example, she was told that she could not get her drivers permit without having a 3.0 average. I had her pay for 1/2 of the classroom drivers ed program, but by the time she was 15 1/2 and could get her permit, her grades were all failing and I did not allow her to get the permit until her grades are back to a 3.0. She is continuing to not show any motivation to do anything in her classes. She frequently does not do homework, fails tests and hands in things incomplete, because she says she is busy or too tired. ????? Any suggestions? Thank you!

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Hi Mary,

You are still trying to “manage” her academic performance (by withholding driving privileges and trying to provide incentives).

Whenever you are in doubt about what decision to make, always ask yourself, “Will this foster self-reliance – or dependency in my child?” Clearly, disallowing her to get a driving permit -- and then her license -- fosters dependency (i.e., she has to depend on others for transportation).

It will be helpful for all concerned for you to stop taking ownership of her education – and allow her to get that permit.

Mark

My Out-of-Control Teen

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The Strong-Willed Out-of-Control Teen

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