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15-Year-Old Daughter Having Sex with 20-Year-Old Man

My youngest daughter just turned 15 today. While having lunch with my older daughter, who is 23 and living outside of our home, she told us that our 15 year-old had confessed to her that she lost her virginity to a 20 year-old man who often goes to a library activity that she attends each Thursday.

Her dad and I have not liked the library situation for a long time, but have continued to allow her to go (with an attempt to monitor her by having 1 of us there most of the time for the 3 hours that she's there) because older kids hang out around there plus there have been fights and other things that we have not liked. The reason we've continued to allow her to go is because she seems to love it so much. She's homeschooled, so she doesn't think she gets enough socialization and has gone out of her way to "fit in" with the other kids/young adults by giving up a lot of the stuff that she used to love, but will do just about anything to go each Thursday.

Obviously, we want her to be happy, but, especially with this latest revelation from our older daughter, it's time for us to take some kind of action. What would you advise about this? Our older daughter swore us to secrecy and I want her to have a friend to talk to (who better than a sister?), but we need to protect her from these older kids who are bad influences. This guy that she was with before contacted her on Facebook today, saying he wants her back.

She has violent mood swings, which makes her difficult to deal with and I want to handle things properly so that she doesn't hurt herself or run away or anything. This girl is so smart and so capable and has so much potential and we love her dearly. My older daughter offered to take her to Planned Parenthood for birth control pills, but that certainly doesn't take care of diseases or our other concerns plus I'm not sure how I could pretend that I didn't know about the birth control if she leaves it out like she does just about everything else. How should I react in such a situation or should I take her myself? She's already talked about taking the pills for clearing her complexion, so what would be better?

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==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents


catlover said...

How do you ban your fifteen year-old from going anywhere?--to the library in this case.? You can make it difficult for her to get there ie. don't drive her so she would have to take the bus.You can educate her about why it is unsafe for her to continue going. You can take away privileges (cell phone use). But if it is very engaging to her and if she is bent on getting there, she will go anyway. A parent can only do so much!

Unknown said...

I believe you CAN and MUST be able to prevent your teen from going somewhere. The consequence for disobeying and going against your wishes must be such a serious loss of privileges that they really feel the upside down turn of events. And if they went- I'd go there and pick them up. You are not powerless against your teens desire to be the one to say the "way it is". I worked in social services with lots of different parent dynamics and the best parenting book I've found is, "Taking Charge". It is very in line with Mark's guidance and works to build your child up into a self sufficient, confident person with inner discipline.

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