Education and Counseling for Individuals Affected by Oppositional Defiant Disorder and ADHD

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Mother Pushes Her Teenage Son After Being Pushed Herself

>>>>>>>>>> Hi …I’ve answered below:

If R___ physically pushes me (albeit not very hard) how do I handle?

>>>>>>>>>> As I hope you read in the Anger Management chapter of the Online Version of the eBook, you have reached the 6th and final level of the anger ladder:

6th - Physical violence enters the picture here. This violence may be partially controlled because the kid knows what he is doing, even though later he might claim it was an accident. The kid plans to stop when he gets his way …if the parent gives in, he’ll back off.

Some of the things that may occur in this last stage:

· destruction of property
· domestic battery
· cops are called – sometimes by the kid
· parent files incorrigibility charge
· kid may not be conscious of his actions
· kid may become suicidal
· he may physically hurt the parent

>>>>>>>>>> I don’t think you realize how serious this is.

>>>>>>>>>> I would tell your son that the next time he pushes you, the police will be called and battery charges will be filed. And you, dear mom, cannot push back. If he were smart enough to pull it off, HE could call the cops ON YOU during these risky episodes in which pushing and shoving is going on. I see it happen – ALL THE TIME (i.e., the kid calling the cops of the parent and alleging abuse).

>>>>>>>>>> I’m telling you that you are treading on dangerous ground here. You DO NOT want Child Protective Services breathing down your back.

As a human being...I could not help one likes to be bullied...I pushed back (I know WRONG). Then it happened later with him dismissing my requests with a hand wave, an annoyed..."just stop talking" and a shove out of his way.

I am trying so hard to be calm but this came after he THREW his sibling on the ground.

Tried to follow the program protocol. Got out of the situation fast. Calmly chose your consequence. Went to his room and took away his phone and laptop. But I am still seething. Let me know any other ideas. Taking away things has not seemed to work very well. We both think he is trying to get grounded to avoid peer pressure situations with alcohol and drugs but he refuses to open up as we ask him and try to engage him in ANY normal conversations. Know you say if something is not working try something different.

>>>>>>>>>> Don’t believe it when your son seems unaffected by discipline. Children often pretend discipline doesn’t bother them. Continue to be persistent with your planned discipline, and consider yourself successful by keeping your parenting plan in place. When children pretend a discipline doesn’t bother them, parents often give up on a discipline, which reinforces the child’s disobedience. Remember, you can only control your actions, not your children’s re-actions.

P.S. Parents must have a ‘zero-tolerance policy’ for children’s use of physical altercations to get their way (i.e., pushing, shoving, smacking. hitting, spitting, etc.).

Mark Hutten, M.A.


==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

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