ONLINE PARENTING COACH

Aside from juggling households and visitation, the one thing that seems to cause a stepson or stepdaughter the most difficulty is the stepparent’s attempts to “act as” a biological parent. However, since step relationships (especially new ones) are usually complicated and fraught with conflict, it can be almost impossible for a stepparent to refrain from disciplining the stepson or stepdaughter. After all, most stepkids test the stepparent’s limits to the max, trying to see how far they can push until the stepparent breaks. The question is how to deal with it? Here are some crucial tips for stepparents: 1. Your stepkids are dealing with their own feelings of loss, anger, confusion, and resentment about the divorce or remarriage. It may be easy to see their misbehavior as a direct attack on you, but remember that they need space and time to process the changes that have happened in their life. Even biological kids are known to lash out at their moms and dads with an "I h...

There's no doubt that being a stepmother is one of the most difficult roles any adult will ever assume. So much pain can be avoided if you can agree on some very basic definitions of that role, and be alert to sensitivities with it. To handle this situation with the utmost efficiency, both the biological parent and the stepmother should begin with an open and candid discussion about the fears and expectations regarding the relationship with the kids. Each should know what the other expects concerning the stepmother's involvement in guiding, supervising and disciplining the kids. Once you understand what each other's expectations are, you have a place to start shaping what the stepmother role will be. I always think it's important to first identify what you can agree on and thereby narrow your differences. How you ultimately define the stepmother role will, of course, be up to you. The following are my recommendations based on what I've seen work, what I've...

This article will show men how to be good stepfathers... Becoming a stepfather by blending families or marrying someone with children can be a rewarding and fulfilling experience. If you've never had children, you'll get the opportunity to share your life with a child and help to shape his/her character. If you have children, you'll offer them more opportunities to build relationships and establish a special bond that only siblings can have. In some cases, your new family members may get along without a hitch, but other times you can expect difficulties along the way. Figuring out your role as a stepfather — aside from the day-to-day responsibilities that come with it — also may lead to confusion or even conflict between you and your spouse, your spouse's ex-husband, and their children. While there is no foolproof formula for creating the "perfect" family, it's important to approach this new situation with patience and understanding for the...

Having problems getting through to your defiant adolescent about needed behavior changes? A behavioral agreement may be the way to go. Behavioral agreements are contracts between parent and youngster intended to produce desired outcomes. It may be higher grades, doing more chores, developing a better attitude, or making new friends. Regardless, the process to create a behavioral agreement is the same. All moms and dads have a wish list for their kids. College preparation may be on the list. Doing more work around the house, or at least keep their bedroom clean makes most lists. Improved attitudes and more respect for moms and dads and other adult authority figures can be big. Pick the changes and plan an agreement that will lead to what you want. Points to consider before drafting a behavioral agreement: 1. You are unlikely to turn an extremely poor student into the class academic leader with one quick agreement. Pick your battles and put them in writing. Avoid making the ag...

Hi Mark, My 16-year old granddaughter (who lives with her father) runs away from home fairly regularly ...usually 3-4 days at a time. And we never know where she stays during these stints. This is a critical problem for us now with the coronavirus because we don't know who she has been hanging out with or if they are contagious.. What can her father do to prevent this? What should he do if she does take off again? It's starting to become a real problem. And I worry about her safety - and ours. Thanks, A. Too many teenagers run away 'from' something, rather 'to' something. Many teenage runaways leave home in search of safety and freedom from what they “consider” or “perceive to be” abusive treatment. Running away from home is usually a quick decision. Each year, an estimated 1 million children, usually between the ages of 13 and 17, run away from home. The National Runaway Switchboard estimates that the average age has dropped from 16 years to 15 years...

Hello Mr. Hutten, I have a question for you. I have a 14 year old step son who does not know that I am not his biological father. His mother and I have been separated for 9 years. I get him and his brother, who is my biological son, three times a week. I have had this visitation arrangement with their mother for the entire 9 years. I met the boy when he was 8 months old, and he really has no idea I am not his biological father. That said, the boy treats me with no respect, gets into trouble and generally makes the time I have with him and his brother a nightmare. I could go on, but I am sure you can imagine what I have been going through. My question-- Should I tell him that I am not his biological father? I really want to tell him because I do not think he appreciates exactly how good I have been to him. I spend a lot of time being angry at him and I think if he knew the real situation he might have a little more gratitude. Please let me know what your prof...

hi mark, i was wondering if you have ever heard of a case like mine. I divorced my bi-polar husband 9 years ago. our youngest son was 8 at the time with 12 and 13 year old sisters. i didn't have problems for several years with my ex interfering. he basically didn't want the kids when they were younger. he couldn't handle the responsibility and often forgot to pick them up on his weekends. when my middle wild child was 15, she was caught drinking at the county fair, i grounded her from the next night of the fair, and told her she would be on a very short leash until further notice. she ran away and was missing for a week. she made it appear that she jumped out of a window high enough to break her ankles or whatever. this was a ploy, i found out later. anyway, needless to say i was frantic, and spent days calling around until i found out where she was. i asked her father to go with me to get her, he said to just let her go and she’d call me. he called to say she was wi...

The teenage years can be a tumultuous time, and as many moms and dads know, it is also a time when teens begin to flex their mental muscles, testing boundaries, and turning to peers rather than parents for advice. Sometimes emotions and arguments can become so intense that things get out of hand and the teen runs away. Reasons Teens Run Away— It may be hard for a mother or father to understand why adolescent’s runaway, so here are a few reasons that may help you to understand: 1. The adolescent may feel like she has to escape and get away from home to avoid something bad from happening (e.g., maybe you have been fighting a lot and she feels she just can’t go through it again …or she may be afraid you will be mad at her for something she did wrong or rules she disobeyed …or she may feel like you won’t forgive her so she has to leave). 2. An adolescent may be afraid that something bad might happen if she doesn’t leave home (e.g., living with a step-parent that she fig...