ONLINE PARENTING COACH

Dear Mark.......your Out-of-Control guidelines have been invaluable to me and my wife. We have developed a home rules contract and we are trying to put your guidelines into action. Question: What is the recommended reward / consequence for academic grades? Our son is underachieving in the 8th grade. He is capable of doing better. Many thanks in advance, JL ```````````````````` Hi J., The recommendations depend greatly on (a) whether or not poor academic performance is an ongoing source of parent-child conflict and (b) whether or not the child has a history of poor academic performance. If poor academic performance is NOT an ongoing source of parent-child conflict -- and if your son does NOT have a history of poor academic performance, then refer to YOUR CHILD'S ACADEMIC SUCCESS If poor academic performance IS an ongoing source of parent-child conflict -- and if your son DOES have a history of poor academic performance, then refer to the section of the eBook t...

Hi J., Please look for these arrows throughout your email below: ==> Hi Mark, Things have got dramatically worse in the last 2 weeks. ==> Good – you are on track! As you hopefully learned from Session #1, things do get worse before they get better (unless the parent employs half measures). This is expected because kids, by nature, resist change and try very hard to convince the parent that she/he will never “win.” First my son is excluded from school, he is not supposed to go out of the house in school hours, but wont listen and goes out of the house when he feels like it and comes home when he is ready, he wont answer his cell phone when he is out. ==> Please refer to the strategy entitled “When You Want Something From Your Kid” [Anger Management chapter of the Online Version of the eBook]. It sounds like you really need to kick up the “tough love” a few notches. Are you ready? Here goes! If he leaves without permission, this is the perfect ti...

Mark, Thanks so much for getting back in touch. It was very tough to arrest him BUT we did what we had to do with the information on hand. The lesson here is that he does not remember how he got there. He woke up in jail and all he remembered was that he had been with his friends the night before.. We left him in jail as long as we could so he had all of that time to think about how he got there. It scared him really bad. He got a misdemeanor charge of being under the influence as a minor and has a court date in April. He will be on Probation for 6 months-have to take drug tests , etc. He has already been through this when he was 17. ==> This is good. Now he's got a lot of accountability again. He just turned 18 in February. We are divorced . He had been living with me for over a year and just at his Dad's for about a month. After this, he asked if he could come back to my house. And...here were my circumstances: No friends over-I'm trying to sell my house. Res...

Mark, I first want to thank you for such a wonderful online tool for parents who are at their wits end. I listened to and read the video suggesting you put on your best poker face. This is easier said than done but working on it. I do provide a lot of intensity for my 8 year old. The past few weeks the recurrent argument is getting her up for school and out the door. I get angry because I am late for work. Obviously she needs to be held accountable for her dilly dallying, etc. However you can't leave an 8 year old by herself. So while I try to remain calm and have her do A, B, and C to get out the door what are some consequences that are realistic to hold her too. I am taking this program slowly but need some direction NOW to get out the door in the morning. This is ridiculous. And not a good way to start the day. Please help as I work this program. Many thanks, K.

Mark, Our child got put in jail last night. He is 18. He had been drinking and did a Xanax and went out of control. My x-husband had to call the police for his safety and our child’s. We had to make the decision if they would take him and we did the " tough love" thing and told them to take him. I know you would think that was the right thing to do. We will pick him up this afternoon. Now...we think he needs a treatment program. He may have a Chemical Imbalance as my mom and sister have one. We also must get him away from the people he is hanging around with. Do you have any suggestions of a place near Marietta, GA. or Atlanta or ANY OTHER IDEAS ??? Thank you so much. We need you. P. `````````````````````` Hi P., I’m glad you called the police and had him arrested. He’s 18? Is he still living at home? Is he going to college? Does he have a job? If not, uh oh! He needs a drug and alcohol evaluation, but if he’s not in any legal trouble, no one can force him to get the evaluati...

Mark, In viewing the web information, I have not come across anything that talks about your child being violent toward you at the level I just experienced. Is there a section in the program that discusses this issue? Sunday, my daughter got out of control angry because I started to wash her clothes that were all over her room, wet and smelling and couldn't take the smell coming from her room anymore. My husband told her that morning to clean her room and when I saw her she was laying in her bed not doing anything. So I began to do her laundry. She became extremely angry and verbally abusive so I did not respond or say anything to her. I put a load of wash in the machine and when I returned to her room she was standing in her doorway yelling at me and refused to move. When I tried to walk past her she pushed me and my arm got scratched in multiple places against some hardware on the door panel. I called for my husband because I did not want to get into yet another figh...

Hi Mark, I am enjoying reading your book and up to assignment 2. I apologize for being upfront and I am hoping you don't mind me asking you for advice. I have a wonderful 14-year-old son who is giving us a bit of grief at the moment. His attitude basically is we are all his servants and he basically yells at us. Very hard to actually sit down and have a conversation. We always sit down for evening meal but R___ just about refuses to eat what serve. He wont suggest in the morning what he would like but is happy to complain and whine. This is the same as his school lunch. I thought today I have had enough and refuse to make his lunch and will offer dinner knowing very well he won’t want it. R___ would sooner starve than actually cook something for himself. What do you think is going on here? What is the best way to handle this situation? I know it sounds petty. I don't want to waste any more effort on making a situation worse. Appreciate your time, J. ```````````````...

Dear Mark, I stumbled across your web page last night after yet another devastating episode of frustration. J___ is my second child and has so very much to offer. He is very fun loving, but has struggled with self control and discipline for many years. He is twelve years old and I am so very afraid that we are now beginning to damage him. I see that he thinks we are all against him, he believes that he is flawed and struggles with good decision making. We have three other children full time and two that are here every second weekend. It has gotten to the point where we have become unable to enjoy family outings because of his behaviour. I have studied children’s development for many years and have many certificates and degrees in Early Childhood Education and Psychology. I am not able to reach him and I am so afraid for the dynamics of our family and his stability. I ordered your ebook and am anticipating positive results. I am so very hopeful that your program will effect chang...

"Mark - My 12 year old son was rude and disrespectful and lied to me today so i grounded him for the evening, he continued to yell and shout so i sent him to his room - and he just walked out the house. At this point I am hoping he will come back at a sensible time and i am very angry that he did not stay in his room and also scared that if grounding him doesn't work anymore i have no other method of discipline left that has ever worked or that he cares about." `````````````````````````````````````````` In the future— Re: yelling and shouting. Tell him he’s grounded for 24 hours with no privileges (i.e., no computer, phone, TV, video games, etc.) – and the 24-hour discipline does not start until he stops yelling and shouting. Then let him decide when to start the clock. As soon as he stops yelling, look at the clock, write down the time, and tell him he will be ungrounded in exactly 24 hours from that time. If he starts yelling again, the clock starts over....

Mark- Have been looking at your website and am very interested. I have 3 kids, 2 boys and a girl. It's no longer a joy being in the house with them all at once!! I'm not saying they are really naughty, they don't trash the house or give verbal abuse, but they perhaps are just being boys and continuously argue, they don't do as they are told and meal times are a nightmare! Your speedy reply would be appreciated. K. ```````````````````````````` Hi K., Here are 20 tips for picky eaters. Use these practical tips to avoid mealtime battles: Your child has refused to eat anything other than peanut butter sandwiches for the past two days, and your toddler would rather play than eat anything at all. Sound familiar? If children's nutrition is a sore topic in your household, you're not alone. Many parents are distressed by what their children eat — or don't eat. However, most kids get plenty of variety and nutrition in their diets over the course of a week. Until y...

"Mark, My 17-year-old daughter has started smoking. Any suggestions on what I can do to get her to stop? Thanks, T." ```````````````````` Hi T., Young people start smoking for many reasons -- to act older, to be independent, to fit in, to relieve stress, to rebel against adults and sometimes to be like their parents. You should talk with your teen about the dangers of smoking: Smoking is the leading preventable cause of death in the United States. Nicotine is an addictive drug found in cigarettes. Approximately 80 percent of adult smokers started smoking before the age of 18. Most teens can buy cigarettes even though it is illegal to sell them to minors in all 50 states. Spit tobacco (chew) is not a safe alternative to smoking. Regular use of spit tobacco can cause cancer of the cheek, gums, ...

Mark- Have you heard of adults having Aspergers. My son has been diagnosed, and it seems that I have some of the same problems. Concerned father, J. ````````````````` Hi J., As more and more doctors and society in general understands more about Aspergers syndrome, the condition is being diagnosed in adults as well as children. Sometimes the diagnosis doesn’t come out in adults until their own child is diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. Typical symptoms associated with Aspergers syndrome in adults include having an average or above average intelligence, having difficulty thinking abstractly, showing difficulty empathizing with others, having poor conversational ability, and having difficulty controlling their feelings. They also tend to adhere strongly to routines and schedules, show some inappropriate social behaviors and tend to specialize in specific fields or hobbies. Adults with Aspergers syndrome often cannot clearly understand the emotions of others. They may miss the su...