HELP FOR PARENTS WITH STRONG-WILLED, OUT-OF-CONTROL CHILDREN AND ADOLESCENTS

Education and Counseling for Individuals Affected by Oppositional Defiant Disorder and ADHD

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I am very angry that he did not stay in his room...

"Mark - My 12 year old son was rude and disrespectful and lied to me today so i grounded him for the evening, he continued to yell and shout so i sent him to his room - and he just walked out the house. At this point I am hoping he will come back at a sensible time and i am very angry that he did not stay in his room and also scared that if grounding him doesn't work anymore i have no other method of discipline left that has ever worked or that he cares about."

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In the future—

Re: yelling and shouting. Tell him he’s grounded for 24 hours with no privileges (i.e., no computer, phone, TV, video games, etc.) – and the 24-hour discipline does not start until he stops yelling and shouting. Then let him decide when to start the clock. As soon as he stops yelling, look at the clock, write down the time, and tell him he will be ungrounded in exactly 24 hours from that time. If he starts yelling again, the clock starts over.

Re: walking out on a discipline. Tell him that, in the future, if he walks out on a one-day discipline, it automatically becomes a 3-day discipline, which doesn’t start until he returns home. Also, while he is away, you will be confiscating quite a few of his cherished possessions -- and you will call the police and file a run away charge. The next time he walks out on a one-day discipline, follow through with what you told him you would do.

All bite – no bark. This is serious business. If you, the parent, cannot muster up the tough love described above, then you’re not working the program as intended – and you will not be successful in helping your child make better choices.

For more info on this subject, please refer to the section of the eBook entitled “When You Want Something From Your Kid” [Anger Management Chapter – Online Version].

Mark


 

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

1 comment:

Kidsaremyhobby said...

At that age, my son (now 18) didn't care about anything but girls, his teams, and his phone (which ex-husband demanded he have). Even when I couldn't wrestle the phone away from him, I could suspend service to it, and did that often. He didn't care about being labeled as a runaway. Our city's cops already knew him by name and he had no fear of them.
At the start of each new sports season I'd tell the coaches that I'd never demand my son get more playing time (he's an incredible athlete and always started in every sport) but that I would request that he not start or that he'd be benched for a whole game if he didn't comply with my few, reasonable expectation at home. Because it was coaches telling him to sit, he would comply. Male coaches were the only people he respected. Now he respects no one and I pray that the only substances he's using are alcohol and pot. I pray for no babies and no incarceration in the adult justice system, although I think I'd take that over his death.
So, parents, pull out ALL the stops if necessary to get through to your child. Make consequences painful (mentally, emotionally) if that's what it takes to get through. The world is not going to baby your child for very long and those natural consequences could be things leading even up to death.

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