ONLINE PARENTING COACH

My 17 year old has some issues with authority and is considered selfish. If he does good in school he should be able to spend the night out (both Fri/Sat). The group he hangs with is a little older and has parents that allow their house to be the local hangout (stays up till 3-5). I plan to sit down tonight with a list of consequences - no car 1 week, no phone 2 weeks, no allowance, etc., and am considering an intervention using some friends and family. What can you suggest? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A lot of 17-year-olds think they're grown up enough to set their own rules and to do such things as stay out all night. When you talk with him, emphasize that while his friends may have parents who think it's okay for them to stay out all night, that's not true in your family. In your family, you take your duties as parents seriously, and you believe it is your obligation to know where your child is, what he is doing, and that he is going to be safe in the hous...

Hi Mark. Thanks so much for the parenting material, it has given my wife and I some positive direction in parenting our oppositional 10 year old boy. He ticks nearly all the boxes for ODD and in addition to working your program, we are endeavoring to have him see a child psychologist. However he is reluctant to go and when he does go he pretends everything is okay, insisting that he can control himself. The reason I am writing to you is that he has become increasingly violent, particularly towards my wife, often punching and kicking her with force. Should I be physically restraining him? This seems to increase his violence and up the level of his tantrum. I'm trying to stay poker-faced but still feel I need to do something to protect my wife and our children. I have taken our boy to the police after a recent violent episode, mainly for scare tactics, but they seemed quite bemused by the fact I would bring him. I'm also wondering if there is some medical issue below the surf...

Mark, I'm the one that wrote you about my daughter running away. She is still missing and we keep hearing various chatter rumors from school that she is with this person or that person. Today I heard that she is with the original person she was with, which I've heard is dangerous! I also heard that they’re in downtown Reno jumping from hotel to hotel to not be detected. The police are not looking for her since she is a runaway – so they’re no help. I have to get all the leads and report them to the detective. I'm also working with the school police, which are also not much help! We've made posters and posted them everywhere, but in this one area, they are being taken down. I don't know if this is the lifestyle she wants or if she's being exploited. Her twin sister is very agitated everyday and wants to know if her sister is okay, but does not want her to come home because she says she's such a bitch. Mark, I know you can't do much from where you ...

"My question is how do you motivate your teenager to look for a job? He says he would like having a job and his own money, but feels like he doesn't stand a chance of actually getting a job ...he has kinda given up before even trying." Click here for the answer... ==> Online Parent Support: Help for Parents with Defiant, Out-of-Control Teenagers

Parents often worry about their daughters having an older boyfriend. According to data from the Centers for Disease Control, it turns out they have good reason to be worried. Here's just one example: Kayla is 14. Her boyfriend is 18. Kayla says, "I have to admit, because I am dating an older guy, you know, I am very more open to alcohol, just because, I can ask him, 'Hey can you go to the store and buy me something?'" Kayla says another risk of dating an older guy might be getting pressured into having sex. She says, "I think a lot of guys especially in high school will go for younger girls just because they'll give it up, you know. They are willing to experiment, they are easier." New research shows one in four girls who have had sex say their first time was with a guy at least three years older. Kayla says, "When guys are older, girls will trust them: 'Oh, he knows what he's talking about. He has more experience....

"My son hits his head so hard and so often he has dark bruises on his forehead. He does this when he is frustrated, angry and anxious. What can I do to help him? He has told me he knows it's wrong but just can't stop. Please help me to help my son." Kids who are emotionally and physically healthy, as well as kids with developmental or sensory issues, may "head bang." It is thought that head banging is a self-soothing process that kids partake in, much like thumb sucking or an attachment to a blanket or toy. Kids that bang their heads have at some point found the rocking or rhythmic sensations calming, and an aid to sleep. Alternatively, some kids appear to bang their heads in an attempt to stimulate themselves or to bring pleasure. However, head banging may occur in combination with temper tantrums. While this may appear as if the youngster is trying to hurt himself or herself, it is usually the youngster’s way of trying to relieve stress. Young...

Temper Tantrums Pushed as a New Disorder Called “Temper Dysregulation Disorder” Severe outbursts grossly out of proportion to the situation, in the form of verbal rages or physical aggression, several times a week -- to moms and dads, these would seem the most common elements of childhood temper tantrums. They are also the proposed criteria for a new childhood mental disorder called Temper Dysregulation Disorder (TDD) with Dysphoria. TDD is being recommended for inclusion in the next edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, or DSM, a massive catalogue of brain dysfunction now undergoing its first major revision in 16 years. It is considered the psychiatrists' bible of mental disorders. If accepted, TDD could soon become as entrenched in our vernacular as ADD. TDD is being proposed as an alternative to the runaway diagnosis of childhood bipolar disorder. The number of kids being diagnosed with -- and medicated for -- bipolar disorder has shot up dr...

Alcohol, tobacco and illegal drug use among adolescents may have declined over the past decade, but at least one abuse risk is on the rise: the prescription pill bottle. That’s because more children are using painkillers, drugs for ADHA (attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder), antidepressants, and tranquilizers and sleep aids to get high. One in five adolescents in grades 7 to 12 intentionally abused prescription drugs, according to a Partnership for a Drug-Free America study. Children assume pharmaceuticals are safe because they’re medicine. But prescription drugs can be just as addictive and deadly as street drugs and are easier to obtain. The top three ways teenagers report getting pills are through parents’ and friends’ medicine cabinets, someone else’ medications and online sites that don’t require a doctor’s prescription. Signs of abuse include extreme changes in behavior and a dramatic decline in grades. So be sure to limit access to medicines by disposing of drugs yo...

"My teenage son is not getting up on time for school due to being up most of the night texting his g-friend. Any advice?" Click here for my response... => My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

My youngest daughter just turned 15 today. While having lunch with my older daughter, who is 23 and living outside of our home, she told us that our 15 year-old had confessed to her that she lost her virginity to a 20 year-old man who often goes to a library activity that she attends each Thursday. Her dad and I have not liked the library situation for a long time, but have continued to allow her to go (with an attempt to monitor her by having 1 of us there most of the time for the 3 hours that she's there) because older kids hang out around there plus there have been fights and other things that we have not liked. The reason we've continued to allow her to go is because she seems to love it so much. She's homeschooled, so she doesn't think she gets enough socialization and has gone out of her way to "fit in" with the other kids/young adults by giving up a lot of the stuff that she used to love, but will do just about anything to go each Thursday. ...

Hi Mark, Need some help… was scrolling through my son’s phone messages… he left his phone unlocked… I know it’s a breach of privacy, but see he has been smoking, not cigarettes, and he and friends arranging between themselves… not sure how to handle it and what to do say. If raise the issue - he will know I’ve been through his phone. If I ignore - he is getting away with it… am in a quandary. ~ A. Click here for my response... ==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

It is a known fact that, as kids grow into teens, they gradually lose their natural curiosity and inquisitiveness. Their diminishing love for the unknown coupled with the much harder high school curriculum, can then be attributed to their subsequent hatred for Mathematics and Science. Although most of these adolescents haven't realized it yet, this is a very alarming situation. It is important for these young people to understand that Mathematics and Science form the very foundation which holds this world together. Therefore it is imperative to point out what the main reasons are behind the continued dislike for these analytical subjects and then provide solutions for such: (1) They are boring subjects. Mathematics and Science, with all its formulas and theories can easily alienate young minds. It's wrong to believe that Mathematics and Science don't promote creativity/stimulate the imagination as much as the other subjects like English and Social Studies. In fact, th...