ONLINE PARENTING COACH

Question My husband and I often disagree on how to discipline our defiant ADHD son. How can we find ways to agree? Answer As you and your husband share the responsibilities of parenting and managing a defiant child with ADHD, problems will arise. Here are a few of the most common difficulties that today's moms and dads encounter with such a child -- and how you can handle them: 1. Competition— Sometimes rivalry can develop between parents over their kid's attention and love. If dad wants his daughter to spend Saturday afternoon fishing with him, but mom wants her to go shopping with her, they may struggle to get their way, putting the youngster in an unenviable position, right in the middle of the conflict. The two of you need to find ways to cooperate, not compete, with each other. That doesn't mean you have to agree on everything; but it does mean that you are committed to working together toward a more harmonious relationship and family life, and you ...

All behavior is purposeful, and as such, it is critical that you understand your youngster’s goal. Everything our kids say and do has a purpose. At its most basic level, your youngster’s focus is to have some significance and establish a place in his various environments. A well-adjusted youngster has found his way toward social acceptance by cooperating with the requirements of the group and by making his own useful contribution to it. The misbehaving youngster is still trying, in a mistaken way, to feel important in his own world. For example, a kid who has never been allowed to dress himself (because the mother/father is in a hurry), or who has not been allowed to help around the house ("you're not big enough to set the table"), may lack the feeling that he is a useful, contributing member of the family, and might feel important only when arousing a mother/father's anger and annoyance with misbehavior. Most kids are not aware of the goals or purpose...

Question We recently discovered that my 16-year-old daughter is pregnant. This has been a real shock for us. The alleged father no longer lives in our hometown and is supposedly a heavy pot smoker. My daughter has talked about having an abortion, but both she and I are torn on this issue. I know this is a touchy subject, but I am asking for your advice on which way to go with this decision. Thank you! Answer My conviction is very much against abortion, but you’re not asking for my opinion. I‘m assuming you want the facts in order to make an educated decision. Facing an unplanned pregnancy can be very difficult and scary for an adolescent, and deciding what to do will be even harder. No matter what her political or religious persuasion, it always comes down to a very intimate, personal decision that no adolescent makes without some degree of emotional trauma. All of the options: abortion, or raising the baby, or allowing another individual to adopt the baby carries e...

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is the phrase that is used to describe kids who have significant problems with high levels of distractibility or inattention, impulsiveness, and often with excessive motor activity levels. Often the ADHD youngster has special educational needs, though not always. Most ADHD children can be successful in the regular classroom with some help. There may be deficits in attention and impulse control without hyperactivity being present. In fact, recent studies indicate that as many as 40% of the ADHD children may not be hyperactive. Research shows that there are several things happening in the brain of the ADHD youngster which causes the disorder. The main problem is that certain parts of the Central Nervous System are under-stimulated, while others may be over-stimulated. In some hyperactive children there is also an uneven flow of blood in the brain, with some parts of the brain getting too much blood flow, and other centers not ge...

Most parents think that violence in the media is fairly harmless.  THINK AGAIN! Recent research has shown that: 1. There is a 12% increase in aggressive behavior after watching violent television. 2. Heavy television viewers (4 or more hours a day) put in less effort at school, have poorer reading skills, play less friendly with friends, have fewer hobbies and activities, and are more likely to be overweight. 3. There is a connection between playing violent video games and aggressive behavior. The American Psychological Association states there are 3 major effects of watching violence in the media (i.e., video games, movies, television): kids tend to be more fearful of the world around them kids tend to be more likely to behave in aggressive or hurtful ways toward others kids tend to become less sensitive to the pain and suffering of others Everything that kids see or hear in the media early on in their lives affects them in some way. Parents ar...

While kids can display a wide range of behavior problems in school (e.g., disruptive talking in the classroom, fighting, name-calling on the playground, etc.), the reasons for these problems are usually quite simple. If a youngster is acting-out a lot in school, two things are usually going on: (1) he's having strong feelings and needs a hand with getting those feelings out, or (2) something in school is really not working for him. As a mother/father, you can do a number of things at home to help your youngster deal with his feelings. You can also change the situation in school so your youngster has a better time there. Here are some ways to help your youngster if he or she is having behavioral problems at school: 1. Spend time in your youngster's classroom to see what's going on. You could even ask a friend or relative to go to his school for a day. Look at the educator's teaching style and your youngster's learning style. Is a mismatch in the educator-...

"My 8-year-old son is very aggressive sometimes - both verbally and physically. This aggression is most often directed toward his older sister, but I have been on the receiving end of it as well. What is the best method to prevent this behavior from happening?" The best way to prevent aggressive behavior is to give your son a stable, secure home life with firm, loving discipline and full-time supervision. Everyone who cares for your youngster should be a good role model and agree on the rules he’s expected to observe as well as the response to use if he disobeys. Whenever your son breaks an important rule, he should be reprimanded immediately with a consequence that "ties-in" to the infraction so that he understands exactly what he’s done wrong. Kids don’t know the rules of the house until they’re taught them, so that is one of your important parenting responsibilities. For discipline to be most effective, it should take place on an ongoing basis, not ju...

At one time or another, most kids defy the wishes of their moms and dads. This is a part of growing up and testing adult guidelines and expectations. It is one way for kids to learn about and discover their own selves, express their individuality, and achieve a sense of autonomy. As they stretch their independent wings and engage in minor conflicts with their moms and dads, they discover the boundaries of their parents’ rules and of their own self-control. Sometimes, however, these conflicts are more than occasional disturbances and become a pattern for how moms and dads and kids interact. Disobedience can have a variety of causes. At times, it is due to unreasonable parental expectations, or it might be related to the youngster's temperament, school problems, family stress, or conflicts between the child’s mother and father. What can parents do? When you have a chronically disobedient youngster, examine the possible sources of his/her inner turmoil and rebellious...

My child was diagnosed with ODD three years ago; it is getting worse. She is now facing expulsion from school as she cannot control her behavior. We are looking at online high schools. Do you have any suggestions? Following is a comprehensive list of virtual schools — coursework from an accredited private school or accredited not-for-profit or publicly-funded institution, taught primarily through online methods: ·          ^ 21st Century Cyber CS Web site ·          ^ Abbotsford Virtual School website ·          ^ Academus Online Virtual School ·          ^ Academy Online High School Web site ·          ^ Achieve Online (San Diego) website ·          ^ ACHIEVEk12 Web site ·          ^ Achievement ...