Adolescent Sleep Problems

Research demonstrates that teens require 8½ to more than 9 hours of rest a night.

You do not need to be a math expert to figure out that if you wake up for school at 6:00 AM, you would have to go to sleep at 9:00 PM to attain the 9-hour mark. Scientific studies have discovered that many teens have difficulty falling asleep that early, though. It's not due to the fact they don't want to snooze. It is due to the fact their brains normally work on later schedules and aren't ready for bed.

Many teens have sleep problems. Examples include:

• Difficulty falling asleep
• Feeling sleepy during the day
• Frequent awakening during the night
• Having nightmares
• Talking during sleep
• Teeth grinding and clenching
• Waking early

Symptoms of insufficient quality sleep:

• Apparent defiance and belligerence possibly alternating with withdrawal
• Edginess
• Irritability
• Problems with concentration and sometimes with memory
• Sometimes behavioral, learning or social problems in school
• Sometimes blurred vision
• Sometimes vague physical discomfort
• Tiredness

During adolescence, the body's circadian rhythm (sort of like an internal biological clock) is reset, telling a teen to fall asleep later at night and wake up later in the morning. This change in the circadian rhythm seems to be due to the fact that the brain hormone melatonin is produced later at night in teens than it is for kids and adults, making it harder for teens to fall asleep. Sometimes this delay in the sleep-wake cycle is so extreme that it impacts a person's daily functioning. In those cases it's called delayed sleep phase syndrome.

Changes in the body clock are not the only reason teenagers lose sleep, though. Plenty of individuals have sleeplessness — trouble falling or staying asleep. The most common cause of sleeplessness is anxiety. But all sorts of things can lead to sleeplessness, including bodily discomfort (the stuffy nose of a cold or the pain of a headache, for example), emotional troubles (like family problems or relationship difficulties), and even an uncomfortable sleeping environment (a room that's too hot, cold, or noisy).

Adolescents are well known for staying up late at night and being hard to wake up in the early morning. Your adolescent is probably no exception, but it's not necessarily because he or she is lazy or contrary. This behavior pattern actually has a physical cause — and there are ways to help mesh your adolescent's sleep schedule with that of the rest of the world.

Everyone has an internal clock that affects body temperature, sleep cycles, appetite and hormonal changes. The biological and psychological processes that follow the cycle of this 24-hour internal clock are called circadian rhythms. Before adolescence, these circadian rhythms direct most children to naturally fall asleep around 8 or 9 p.m. But puberty changes an adolescent's internal clock, delaying the time he or she starts feeling sleepy — often until 11 p.m. or later. Staying up late to study or socialize can disrupt an adolescent's internal clock even more.

Most adolescents require about nine hours of sleep a night — and sometimes more — to maintain maximum daytime alertness. But few adolescents really get that much sleep on a regular basis, thanks to part-time employment, homework, extracurricular activities, social demands and early-morning classes. More than 90 percent of adolescents in a recent study reported sleeping less than the recommended nine hours a night. In the same study, 10 percent of adolescents reported sleeping less than six hours a night.

Irritability aside, sleep deprivation may have significant consequences. Daytime sleepiness makes it hard to focus and learn, or even stay awake in class. Too little sleep may contribute to mood swings and behavioral problems. And sleepy adolescents who get behind the wheel may cause serious — even deadly — accidents.

Catching up on sleep during the week-ends appears like a reasonable remedy to adolescent sleeping difficulties, but it does not help much. In fact, sleeping-in can confuse your adolescent's internal clock even more. A forced early bedtime may backfire, too. If your adolescent goes to bed too early, he or she may only lie awake for hours.

Don't assume that your adolescent is at the mercy of his or her internal clock. Take measures this evening by doing the following:

• Adjust the lighting. As bedtime approaches, dim the lights. Turn the lights off during sleep. In the morning, expose your adolescent to bright light. These simple cues can help signal when it's time to sleep and when it's time to wake up.

• Curb the caffeine. A jolt of caffeine may help your adolescent stay awake during class, but the effects are fleeting. And too much caffeine can interfere with a good night's sleep.

• Keep it calm. Encourage your adolescent to wind down at night with a warm shower, a book or other relaxing activities — and avoid vigorous exercise, loud music, video games, text messaging, Web surfing and other stimulating activities shortly before bedtime. Take the TV out of your adolescent's room, or keep it off at night. The same goes for your adolescent's cell phone and computer.

• Nix long naps. If your adolescent is drowsy during the day, a 30-minute nap after school may be refreshing. But too much daytime shut-eye may only make it harder to fall asleep at night.

• Stick to a schedule. Tough as it may be, encourage your adolescent to go to bed and get up at the same time every day — even on weekends. Prioritize extracurricular activities and curb late-night social time as needed. If your adolescent has a job, limit working hours to no more than 16 to 20 hours a week.

• Sleeping pills and other medications generally aren't recommended for adolescents.

In some cases, excessive daytime sleepiness can be a sign of something more than a problem with your adolescent's internal clock. Other problems can include:

• Depression. Sleeping too much or too little is a common sign of depression.

• Insomnia or biological clock disturbance. If your adolescent has trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, he or she is likely to struggle with daytime sleepiness.

• Medication side effects. Many medications — including over-the-counter cold and allergy medications and prescription medications to treat depression and attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder — can affect sleep.

• Narcolepsy. Sudden daytime sleep, usually for only short periods of time, can be a sign of narcolepsy. Narcoleptic episodes can occur at any time — even in the middle of a conversation. Sudden attacks of muscle weakness in response to emotions such as laughter, anger or surprise are possible, too.

• Obstructive sleep apnea. When throat muscles fall slack during sleep, they stop air from moving freely through the nose and windpipe. This can interfere with breathing and disrupt sleep.

• Restless legs syndrome. This condition causes a "creepy" sensation in the legs and an irresistible urge to move the legs, usually shortly after going to bed. The discomfort and movement can interrupt sleep.

If you're concerned about your adolescent's daytime sleepiness or sleep habits, contact your adolescent's doctor. If your adolescent is depressed or has a sleep disorder, proper treatment may be the key to a good night's sleep.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents with Strong-Willed Teenagers

Kids Who Can't Pay Attention

Mothers and fathers are troubled once they get a note from school stating that their youngster won't pay attention to the teacher or causes problems in class. One possible reason behind this sort of behavior is ADHD. 

Even though the youngster with ATTENTION DEFICIT HYPERACTIVITY DISORDER (ADHD) often wants to be a good student, the impulsive behavior and difficulty paying attention in class frequently interferes and causes problems. Educators, parents, and friends know that the youngster is misbehaving or different but they may not be able to tell exactly what is wrong.

Any youngster may show poor attention, distractibility, impulsivity, or hyperactivity sometimes, however the youngster with ATTENTION DEFICIT/HYPERACTIVITY DISORDER shows these symptoms and behaviors more frequently and severely than other kids of the same age or developmental level. ADHD occurs in 3-5% of school age kids. ADHD must begin before the age of seven and it can continue into adulthood. ADHD runs in families with about 25% of biological mothers/fathers also having this medical condition.

A youngster with ATTENTION DEFICIT/HYPERACTIVITY DISORDER often shows some of the following:

• blurts out answers

• easily distracted

• fidgets or squirms

• impatience

• inattention to details and makes careless mistakes

• interrupts or intrudes on others

• leaves seat and runs about or climbs excessively

• loses school supplies, forgets to turn in homework

• seems "on the go"

• talks too much and has difficulty playing quietly

• trouble finishing class work and homework

• trouble following multiple adult commands

• trouble listening

• trouble paying attention

You will find 3 forms of ATTENTION DEFICIT/HYPERACTIVITY DISORDER. Some individuals only have trouble with attention and organization. This is sometimes called Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD. This is ADHD inattentive subtype. Other people have only the hyperactive and impulsive symptoms. This is ADHD-hyperactive subtype. The Third, and most commonly identified group consists of those people who have difficulties with attention and hyperactivity, or the combined type.

A youngster presenting with ATTENTION DEFICIT/HYPERACTIVITY DISORDER signs and symptoms needs to have a comprehensive assessment. Moms and dads should ask their pediatrician or family physician to refer them to a youngster and adolescent psychiatrist, who can diagnose and treat this medical condition. A youngster with ADHD may also have other psychiatric disorders such as conduct disorder, anxiety disorder, depressive disorder, or bipolar disorder. These kids may also have learning disabilities.

Without appropriate treatment, the youngster may fall behind in schoolwork, and friendships may suffer. The youngster encounters more failure than achievement and is belittled by educators and family who do not understand a health problem.

Research plainly shows that treatment can help increase attention, focus, goal directed behavior, and organizational skills. Medications most likely to be helpful include the stimulants (various methylphenidate and amphetamine preparations) and the non-stimulant, atomoxetine. Other medications such as guanfacine, clonidine, and some antidepressants may also be helpful.

Other treatment methods may consist of cognitive-behavioral therapy, social skills training, parent education, and modifications to the youngster’s education program. Behavioral therapy can assist a youngster to control aggression, modulate social conduct, and be more successful. Cognitive therapy can help kids build self-esteem, reduce negative thoughts, and improve problem-solving skills. Moms and dads can learn management skills such as issuing instructions one-step at a time rather than issuing multiple requests at once. Education modifications can address ADHD symptoms along with any coexisting learning disabilities.

Moms and dads are often anxious when their youngster has learning difficulties in the school. There are many reasons for school failure, but a typical one is a particular learning disability. Kids with learning disabilities generally have a normal range of intelligence. They try very hard to follow instructions, concentrate, and "be good" at home and in school. Yet, despite this effort, he or she is not mastering school tasks and falls behind. Learning disabilities affect at least 1 in 10 school kids.

It is believed that learning disabilities are triggered by a difficulty with the nervous system that impacts receiving, processing, or communicating information. They may also run in families. Some kids with learning disabilities are also hyperactive; unable to sit still, easily distracted, and have a short attention span.

Psychiatrists point out that learning disabilities are treatable. If not discovered and treated early, however, they can have a destructive "snowballing" effect. For example, a youngster who does not learn addition in elementary school cannot understand algebra in high school. The youngster, trying very hard to learn, becomes more and more frustrated, and develops emotional problems such as low self-esteem in the face of repeated failure. Some learning disabled kids misbehave in school because they would rather be seen as "bad" than "stupid."

Moms and dads should be aware of the most frequent signals of learning disabilities, when a youngster:

• cannot understand the concept of time; is confused by "yesterday, today, tomorrow"
• easily loses or misplaces homework, schoolbooks, or other items
• fails to master reading, spelling, writing, and/or math skills, and thus fails
• has difficulty distinguishing right from left; difficulty identifying words or a tendency to reverse letters, words, or numbers; (for example, confusing 25 with 52, "b" with "d," or "on" with "no")
• has difficulty understanding and following instructions
• has trouble remembering what someone just told him or her
• lacks coordination in walking, sports, or small activities such as holding a pencil or tying a shoelace

Such difficulties should have a comprehensive assessment by a specialist who can evaluate all of the various issues impacting the youngster. A psychiatrist can help coordinate the assessment, and work with school professionals and other people to have the assessment and educational testing done to clarify if a learning disability exists. This involves speaking with the youngster and loved ones, analyzing their circumstances, critiquing the educational testing, and consulting with the school.

The psychiatrist will then make suggestions on suitable school placement, the need for specific help such as special educational services or speech-language therapy and help mothers/fathers assist their youngster in maximizing his or her learning potential. Sometimes individual or family psychotherapy will be recommended. Medication may be prescribed for hyperactivity or distractibility. It is important to strengthen the youngster's self-confidence, so vital for healthy development, and also help parents and other family members better understand and cope with the realities of living with a youngster with learning disabilities.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Parenting Oppositional Teens

As much as a teen’s peer group has its influence over her actions, you are also a prime role model for her behavior. And the values or ideals you hold dear most likely may be passed on to your youngster.

Don’t be a hypocrite. In order to keep your household lie-free, of course don’t get caught lying yourself! Adolescents cannot look up to someone who’s telling them one thing while doing another. As much as possible, live by what you preach.

Use humor when you can. When discussing sensitive topics with your teen, such as sex or drug abuse, one can always look towards humor as a great tool in softening things up. If you crack a joke as an icebreaker to begin a topic about sex education, then once you are both laughing it’ll be easier to ease into the topic’s details.

Humor can also make you both feel instantly more comfortable with one another. It’s a great way to alleviate any stress! This is just one helpful hint that may clear up the communication line between you and your adolescent.

What exactly is active parenting?

An active mother or father:

• would not wait for a teen to ask for help, but offer it
• is not too busy with work to ask an adolescent how his/her day went after school
• asks a question and takes the time to really listen to the answer

A point which can contribute to your adolescent’s misbehavior is your own underestimation of him. If you do not keep yourself fully aware of your teen’s full capabilities and the different possibilities that he may turn to when looking for a way around a given penalty, then you’re digging a hole for yourself to fall into. You mustn’t underestimate your adolescent.

When faced with a penalty, your oppositional adolescent will try and look for a way out. It may help to even think of back-up penalties to use in place of set ones in order to keep yourself a step ahead of your teen in the case of him trying to avoid original penalties. It’s never a waste to ask yourself, What if? By thinking things through beforehand, you can lessen the chances of your teen thinking them through ahead of you.

For a complete program on how to deal with oppositional teens, go to MyOutOfControlTeen.com.

Why Teens Have So Much Anger

There is probably no greater problem facing moms and dads than dealing with angry teens.

Anger and learning to deal with anger is a necessary and important part of growing up. Rather than rely on techniques to manage your angry youngster, it seems to help a lot of moms and dads if they understand what makes kids act that way.

What Teens Say About Their Anger—

• "I get angry at my parents because they argue with each other. I don’t respect them."
• "I get angry because I love my parents and they act like they hate each other. How am I supposed to respect them when they act like that?"
• "I get angry when I have a lot of things on my mind that I can’t do anything about and then my parents ask me to do something when I’m already tired and over loaded."
• "I get angry when my parents are unfair and there’s no point in talking to them."
• "I get angry when my parents ask me how my day went. I’m trying to forget it and they make me remember it. I wouldn’t care if they didn’t make everything worse."
• "I get angry when my parents make me feel guilty for something that already happened. I get tired, bored and angry and I forget to do things that make it worse."
• "I get angry when there are other priorities, no time for me and I feel like I don’t matter."
• "I treat my parents the same way they treat me."
• "I’d rather be angry at my parents than feel afraid or feel hurt. I’d probably hurt myself if I wasn’t angry at them. That’s no excuse but that’s how I feel."
• "I’m not angry but my voice gets louder when I end up with more things on my mind that make me feel bad."
• "My parents are stupid. They don’t understand. They just say they do but they don’t. I can’t stand to be around them."
• "When my parents make me feel bad it reminds me of all the other times that people make me feel bad. I already don’t like myself and criticism just makes it worse."

What Can Parents Do?

What kids tell you is not necessarily the whole truth but there is always an element of truth. Just listening to your youngster and understanding what makes them angry can help in most cases. You don’t have to agree with your teenager but it helps to just listen and show your youngster that you care.

There can be no simple solution when facing an angry youngster. It is not fair or even effective to expect moms and dads to avoid upsetting their teenager. Once your child gets angry, you can’t always make it better. But unfortunately moms and dads can make it worse and even reinforce angry behavior if they shout, insult or argue back. Sometimes the best we can do is to not make it worse and then deal with a youngster’s anger at a better time in a fair and effective manner. Giving kids a consequence later when you are not upset and they are not upset is always best. They may get upset later but at least your punishment was not given out of anger. Kids are less likely to "get even" later if you don’t punish them when you are angry.

Kids typically have a lot of expectations that they have not examined rationally. Changing our expectations is not easy – especially when we are used to getting what we want. But the fact is, the best time to explore your youngster’s expectations is not when they are upset. Lecturing an upset teenager or anyone who is upset for that matter is not a "teachable moment". Exploring and gently challenging a youngster’s expectations when they are calm is best. The key is to explore your youngster’s expectations before they get upset and then help correct any errors.

Some kids are just plain temperamental no matter what you do. Others kids are easily frustrated no matter what happens. But the underlying reason is almost always this: Kids become angry when they are frustrated and they assume they are being picked on, treated unfairly or made to feel bad on purpose. They get angry because anger is often the only way they know how to escape or avoid feeling sad, hurt, afraid or out of control.

Blaming others and ignoring their own behavior is a clear sign of an insecure youngster. Insecure kids with low self-esteem feel better when they are angry and blaming other people. Any teenager who is extremely angry at their self can become self-destructive, create failure or think about suicide. It is a sad reality, but anger at the world is not nearly as depressing as feeling like a failure with no excuses.

For help with angry teens, download your copy of the "My Out-of-Control Teen" eBook today…

Tips for Multi-Racial Families

There are approximately 7 million people in the United States who identify as mixed-race with half of these being under the age of 18, and it is estimated that the mixed-race population in the U.S. will reach 21% by 2050. Yet, multiracial people and families remain marginalized and overlooked by mainstream U.S. society. As a result, the unique issues and struggles they face are often poorly understood by professionals, co-workers, friends and extended family, making it difficult to successfully manage challenges when they arise.

Racial Struggles in Multi-racial Families—

All families, regardless of race, encounter challenges and stressors, but there are a variety of unique racially-based issues and struggles that tend to confront multiracial families. To assess if your family may be grappling with any of these, consider the list of questions below.

"Who am I?"

A core struggle for mixed-race people is how to define themselves racially, which is influenced by a host of factors including physical appearance, family values, geographic location, etc.

Does anyone in your family, especially kids or teens, have difficulty defining themselves racially, and experience persistent confusion, anxiety, distress, or irritability when posed with this question?

"Whose side are you on anyway?"

Parental conflict sometimes creates "sides" that kids have to choose between, and in multiracial families, this pressure can be “racialized.” Kayla's father (whose is white) and her mother (who is African American and Native American) argue constantly and Kayla feels torn between them, including racially. According to Kayla, "I'm afraid if I'm too in touch with my black and Native roots my father will think I'm rejecting him and siding with my mother, and if I'm too white my mother will think I'm rejecting her and siding with my father."

Are there parental conflicts in your family that, directly or indirectly, create "sides" and do the "sides" extend to racial issues as well?

When the Misdeeds of One are Held Against All—

Sometimes the hurt that a loved one causes is generalized to an entire racial group. Teresa (who is white) and Jose (who is black and Latino) recently divorced after Teresa fell in love with another man. Their three kids, who felt abandoned, have generalized their hurt and anger with their mother towards all white people. As their daughter stated, "You just can't trust white people, they let you down every time."

Has anyone in your family used the hurt and anger caused by an individual as "proof" of stereotypes or negative beliefs about an entire racial group?

Racial Devaluation—

Racial devaluation occurs when negative attitudes and behaviors are expressed toward any of the racial groups represented in the family. This may occur directly when family members make denigrating racial comments, or indirectly through behaviors where lighter or "whiter looking" kids are treated more favorably than darker kids.

How might you or other family members express racial devaluation? How often does this happen? What effects might this have on the family, especially on kids?

Between Siblings—

While some sibling rivalry and conflict is natural, beware of when it becomes racial. Tensions among siblings around differences in complexion, hair textures, eye color, and facial features often are tied to painful wounds that can strain relationships and compromise healthy racial identity development.

Do any of the sibling conflicts in your family revolve around racial issues?

“Race doesn't matter in our family…”

Wanting to see everyone as "just human" and to not make race "an issue" leads some families to avoid talking about race altogether. Yet race and racism are inescapable realities in our society. Families who don't talk directly about race often fail to provide their kids with the racial socialization they need to understand and manage racial realities outside of the family. As Mr. Jones explained, "In this family, we're all people, so we don't dwell on the race stuff." While a noble ideal, in refusing to address race, Mr. Jones failed to prepare his son, Carl (half white and half Asian), to handle the "the race stuff" he encountered when he went away to college.

Is it hard for your family to discuss race openly and directly? What messages do kids learn about race and how are they prepared to manage racial issues in the wider world?

When Friends are Unfriendly—

Many mixed-race kids experience racial scorn and rejection from peers. Such experiences are painful but with appropriate guidance and affirmation kids can cope successfully.

If and when your kids encounter racial rejection from peers, do they talk to you about these experiences? Do your kids have the coping skills and resources to manage these experiences with confidence?

What to Do If Any of These Signs Are Present—

If you recognize any of these signs in your family, consulting with a marriage and family therapist is highly recommended. Family therapists are trained to understand, restructure, and heal family relationships. A family therapist may spend some time meeting alone with mothers and fathers or just with kids, but at all times they are working for the benefit of both the whole family and for each individual member.

Online Parent Support

“S e x t i n g” Can Result In Going To Prison!

Can an adolescent girl who sends nude pictures of herself to her boyfriend face prosecution for child pornography? Incredibly, the answer is yes!

“Sexting” is a new phenomenon that describes the process by which teens send nude, semi-nude, or otherwise risqué pictures or videos of themselves or others via cell phone. The child or teen receiving the picture or video can easily download it onto the Internet, where millions of surfers can view it.

If the individual in the picture is under 18 years old, then taking, sending, or possessing the photo is in violation of child pornography laws. As it stands today, if an individual under the age of 18 takes a nude photo of herself and distributes it to others, she is in violation of these laws.

The penalties for these crimes are stiff. You can go to prison, and when you are paroled, you have to register as a sex offender. Such registration means your name and picture will be on the Internet and other media, making it hard for you to get a job. Many sex offenders have had to move multiple times because their neighbors harass them.

A survey of 1,280 young people that was conducted this year by the National Campaign to Prevent Teenage and Unplanned Pregnancy and CosmoGirl magazine found that one in five teenagers has “sexted,” as well as one in three young adults, ages 10 to 26 years old. Females sexted as often as males, and the most common reason was to be “fun and flirtatious.”

Even though many teens believe sexting is harmless, authorities in certain counties are indeed prosecuting them as child pornographers. These officials take the matter seriously, pointing to cases like that of Jessica Logan, a 16-year-old Ohio girl. Jessica sent a nude picture of herself to her boyfriend, who then transmitted all over their high school. She subsequently hanged herself.

Right now several teens are facing legal charges for sexting, including one 14-year-old New Jersey girls who published 30 nude pictures of herself on the social networking site MySpace.

According to an article (from Akron Beacon Journal), the Center for Missing and Exploited Children saw these photos and contacted their New Jersey Task Force, which in turn contacted the Passiac County Sheriff. The teen girl now faces 17 years in prison if convicted.

Other cases include the following:

• A New York boy who broadcast sexy pictures from a party to over 300 classmates is also facing charges.

• One Florida teen who engaged in "sexting" has to register as a sex offender until he is 43 years old.

• Similar cases are scheduled to be adjudicated in Pennsylvania and Vermont.

• The one case every prosecutor is watching involves two Florida teenagers who took pictures of themselves having sexual contact and kept them on a computer. This case went all the way to the Florida Court of Appeals, which ruled that the pictures could become child pornography.

What all this means is that teenagers can get into serious trouble for sexting, although many unanswered questions remain, such as the following:

• Are these kids protected under Freedom of Speech laws?

• Is it fair to confiscate cell phones from students in classrooms, and then comb through them for evidence?

• Why are jurisdictions applying laws to minor kids that were meant to protect them, not imprison them?

Advice for Parents—

The best advice for parents is to talk to their kids about what can happen if they engage in sexting. Some “talking points” might be the ones recommended by the National Campaign to Prevent Teenaged and Unplanned Pregnancy:

• Don’t engage in sexting because of peer pressure.

• Nothing digital is private anymore.

• Nothing you post on the Internet ever really goes away.

• Nothing you post on the Internet is ever really anonymous.

Some surveys found that females felt pressure from their boyfriends to participate in sexting even when they did not want to. The pressure also worked the other way: many males receive sexy pictures as a way for females to get dates from them.

Talk to your youngster about using judgment in these matters, especially since the laws are unclear, and the potential consequences could be life-changing.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Is it just "normal" teenage rebellion - or something else?!

"My seventeen year old daughter is so very angry. She is involved with drugs and has gotten in some legal trouble as well. She is verbally abusive to me and to my husband who is her stepfather. The problem is that other times she is a joy to be around. She is funny, and very bright and creative. I wonder if she may have a psychological problem or may be an opposition defiant child. Not sure what to think right now."

Click here for the answer...

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Teenagers and Social Networking Sites: What Parents Need to Know

If your teenagers are like most adolescents, they spend a lot of time locked in their rooms on the computer. What are they doing in there? Although you'd like to think they're busily finishing their homework or doing research for an assignment, they're most likely updating their Facebook page or instant messaging their friends. While these activities may sound innocent enough, it's important for parents to watch carefully to ensure that their adolescents are safe online.

Social networking websites are places adolescents go to share their lives with friends. The popularity of these sites has made it so most adolescents - and even most parents - now have a Facebook account. But before you feel too confident just because you know your teen has an account, consider whether you really know what your youngster is doing on these sites.

According to a poll of 1,013 adolescents by Common Sense Media, a nonprofit organization that tracks kid's media usage, parents consistently underestimate how much time their kids spend on social networking sites and how often they engage in risky behavior, such as posting explicit photos of themselves, bullying other adolescents or hacking into other people's accounts.

The poll also revealed the following findings:

• 23 percent of parents said their adolescents log onto social networking sites more than once a day, but 51 percent of teenagers said they log in more than once a day.

• 24 percent of adolescents said they signed on to someone else's account without permission, while only 4 percent of parents knew that their kids did so.

• 37 percent of adolescents admitted using social networks to make fun of other adolescents, but only 18 percent of parents thought their own kids engaged in cyber-bullying.

• 39 percent of adolescents had posted something online that they later regretted, and 28 percent shared personal information they normally would've kept private.

• Only 2 percent of parents think their teen has posted explicit photos of themselves online or engaged in sexting, but 13 percent of adolescents admitted they had engaged in these behaviors.

• While just 4 percent of parents think their kids check social networking sites more than 10 times a day, 22 percent of adolescents said they are online at least that often.

Although much of the information posted on social networking sites should be private, not all adolescents use the appropriate settings to protect their personal details from strangers, making these sites particularly attractive to online predators, scammers and identity thieves. Nothing posted on the Internet is ever truly private, and information posted today may be there forever.

Making the Internet Safe—

Your teen may be home, in your line of sight, and still be in danger. You may never know all of the details of what your teen is doing online, but you can take a number of steps to guard their safety:

1. Conduct Your Own Investigation— To be an effective parent, you have to know what risks your youngster is facing. Visit the websites your teen frequents, learn how they work and decide if they are a safe place for your teen. If your teen has a Facebook page, one of the conditions of use should be that your teen gives you the passwords. This way, you can check their personal profile and monitor the amount of personal information they post online (though there is always a risk that they have multiple accounts and pages). Also consider setting up your own page and ask your youngster to allow you to become a friend on their account.

2. Help Your Teen Keep Private Information Private— In an effort to rack up a massive number of friends on their account to prove their popularity, many adolescents accept friend requests from people they don't really know. Make sure your teen is selective in who they share their information with and realizes that not everyone is who they say they are.

3. Keep Passwords Private— Instruct your teen to keep their passwords private and never share first and last names, home addresses, social security numbers, class schedules, cell phone numbers, lists of friends or personal photographs on the Internet. If your teen is uncomfortable with anything that happens online, let them know they can come to you. Because information can stay on the Internet permanently, can be copied and changed, and can be difficult, if not impossible, to take back, adolescents should avoid using social networking sites to share their deepest secrets or confessions. College recruiters and employers routinely search the Internet before accepting an applicant, and any lapses in judgment can come back to haunt a teen years later.

4. Keep the Computer in a Central Location— Today's adolescents know more about technology than their parents, which makes it difficult for parents to monitor what adolescents are doing online. Putting the computer in a central place in the house (such as the kitchen or living room) will make your job a bit easier.

5. Set Rules with Your Teen— Have a frank conversation with your teen about your concerns. Together, decide what kind of information your youngster can make public, which websites are off limits and how much time your youngster can spend on the computer. Many parents limit their kid's Internet time to 30-60 minutes per day and require that homework be completed before any online time begins (including instant messaging). One of the most important rules is that your teen never meets someone in person that they met online. While you can enforce the rules in your own home, your teen may have Internet access at school and friends' houses, so be sure they understand the importance of using the Web responsibly even when you're not around.

6. Recognize the Risk— Knowing the dangers lurking on the Internet is the first step toward protecting your youngster. The following are just a few of the risks:

• Studies show that a large number of adolescents have been approached by strangers online, and identity thieves have been able to hack into user profiles to access private information and take out credit in other people's names.

• Adolescents are using the Internet to harass and bully their classmates, sometimes with devastating emotional and psychological consequences.

• A number of gambling websites, pornography sites and illegal online pharmacies that sell prescription drugs are accessible to adolescents who lie about their age.

Fortunately, most adolescents aren't interested in talking with strangers, especially creepy old men, and want to protect themselves from scams as much as you do. Those who are most vulnerable to the advances of strangers and other online dangers are adolescents who have lied about their age or are engaging in other risky behaviors like drug or alcohol use.

Even though there are risks involved, the Internet isn't your enemy, and there are many ways to responsibly enjoy the Web. With your careful oversight, your teen can explore the Internet with minimal risks and minimal worry on your part.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Preventing Your Child from Missing School

When a bright, capable, and promising child comes home with a below average or failing report card, many parents respond with anger and frustration.

Bright teenagers with behavioral and emotional problems often manage to keep up their grades and create the illusion that all is well. When those grades begin to slip, or suddenly drop precipitously, this serves as an urgent warning to moms and dads that the teenager who was furiously treading water is now drowning. Underachieving teens often find themselves in a vicious cycle.

Cycle of School Failure:

1. Poor grades

2. Negative reaction by teachers/parents

3. Drop in self-esteem

4. Struggle to catch up

5. Worse grades

6. Teachers begin to "give up" on the child

7. Another drop in self-esteem

8. Apathy

9. Worse grades

10. Student begins to skip school or drop out all together

Failing school can lead to social impairment if the student is held back, economic impact if the student drops out or cannot continue his or her education, and emotional impact as the cycle of failure diminishes the teen's self-esteem.

If your child is failing in school, avoiding homework, skipping classes, or threatening to drop out, or simply not achieving at his or her potential, there are probably underlying behavioral and emotional problems causing the academic issues.

If your teen is frequently absent or truant from school, he or she is statistically at highest risk for dropping out of high school. If your teen has repeated a year due to failing grades, he or she is at even higher risk of dropping out before finishing his or her education.

High School drop outs are 72% more likely to be unemployed and they will earn 27% less than high school graduates.

The National Dropout Prevention Center has identified many strategies that have had positive effects on the dropout rate. Among them are:

• Service learning

• Reading and writing programs

• Out-of-school experiences

• Mentoring/tutoring

• Learning style/multiple intelligences strategies

• Instructional technologies

• Individualized instruction

• Family involvement

• Conflict resolution

• Community collaboration

• Career education/workforce readiness

• Alternative schooling

You can help prevent your child skipping school by:

• ask about school work and encourage them to get involved in school activities
• discussing any problems they may have at school - inform their teacher about anything serious
• making sure they understand the importance of good attendance and punctuality
• not letting them take time off school for minor ailments, particularly those which would not prevent you from going to work
• taking an interest in their education

Arranging appointments and outings after school hours, at weekends or during school holidays will help to prevent disruption to your youngster’s education and to the school. Under normal circumstances, you should not expect the school to agree to your youngster going on holiday during term time.

There are many different issues which can affect school attendance. Examples include problems with:

• work and money

• transport to and from school

• housing or care arrangements

• bullying

If your youngster starts missing school, there may a problem you are not aware of. Ask your youngster first, then approach their teacher or form tutor.

Support from the school—

Your youngster’s school is the first place to go to discuss any attendance problems. The school should try to agree a plan with you to improve your youngster’s attendance (e.g., the fast-track to attendance program). If you don’t follow the plan and things don’t improve, the school will take further action. 1,200 schools are currently using Parent Support Advisers (PSAs) to work with moms and dads to improve kid's behavior and attendance. The government is expanding the availability of PSAs to allow them to reach 10 to 15 schools in each local authority.

Support from your local authority—

Your local authority can also help if you are struggling to ensure that your youngster goes to school. Potential forms of support include:

• working with families and schools to overcome bullying and other serious problems
• support to help reduce the burden on kids where families are in difficulty (for example, if a youngster is spending a lot of time caring for someone)
• home tuition for kids with long term and recurring illnesses, so they do not fall too far behind

Parenting contracts—

If your youngster is missing school without good reason, one option the school or local authority might suggest is a parenting contract.

A parenting contract is a voluntary written agreement between you and either the local authority or the school’s governing body. Parenting contracts aren’t a punishment - they’re used to help you and the school or local authority work together to improve your youngster’s attendance, and get you access to practical support. Under the contract you agree to do certain things - for example, ensure that your youngster arrives at school punctually every day.

If your youngster is not attending school regularly, however, and you refuse to agree to a contract or do not keep to its terms, this can be used as evidence if the local authority decides to prosecute you.

Here is a sample “Parenting Contract” regarding school (adjust to fit your child’s needs):

Parents' Commitment—

ATTENDANCE:

 We understand that every three unexcused tardies or early dismissals will be recorded as an unexcused absence on our child’s record and put him/her at risk of repeating the grade.

 We understand that if our child is absent for more than 12 days in the school year without a school-approved excuse, he/she will need to repeat the grade.

 We understand that if our child is late for school without a school-approved excuse, he/she will be required to serve after-school detention that same day.

 We understand that our child will not be permitted to enter the school building before 7:15 a.m.

 We understand that our child will not earn credit for work missed after absences.

 We understand that the school day ends at 4:30 p.m., and we will make arrangement so that our child can remain at Foundation Academy until that time and be picked up promptly at that time.

 We understand that the school year runs from the beginning of August through June and we will not plan family vacations or other extended absences to occur on school days.

 We will ensure that our child comes to school every day by 7:30 a.m.

 We will make sure that our son/daughter promptly makes up missed work following absences.

 We will telephone the school prior to 8:00 a.m. on the day of any absence to report why our son/daughter is out.

HOMEWORK:

 We agree to check our son/daughter’s homework daily to ensure that it’s complete, accurate and neat.

 We understand that our son/daughter will be required to serve an after-school detention the same day if he/she does not complete assigned homework or completes homework that does not meet Foundation Academy standards.

 We understand that our son/daughter will have 90 minutes to two hours of homework each night, including weekends.

 We will provide a quiet, undisturbed time and space for our son/daughter to complete his/her homework.

DRESS CODE:

 We understand that if our son/daughter comes to school in violation of the school dress code, he or she may not be permitted to attend class, may need to wait for the appropriate clothing to be brought from home and will receive an automatic after-school detention to be served that day.

 We will ensure that our son/daughter comes to school each day in proper dress, according to the guidelines listed in the Parent-Student Handbook.

PROMOTION POLICY:

 We understand that our son/daughter must pass all but one class in order to be promoted to the next grade. More than one failure will result in retention.

DISCIPLINE:

 We understand that detentions happen on the day of the offense.

 We understand that if our son/daughter is suspended that he/she will have to be picked up from school on the day of the offense, that we will have to accompany the child for a meeting in order for the child to return to classes and that our son/daughter will have to present a sincere written and verbal apology before the community.

 We understand that it is our son/daughter’s responsibility to contact us and let us know that he/she has earned an after-school detention.

 We understand that our son/daughter cannot be excused from detention unless there is a documented family emergency.

 We understand that our son/daughter may be suspended if he/she misses an after-school detention.

 We understand that our son/daughter will have to remain in school until at least 5:20 p.m. if he/she commits a detention-level offense and that we are responsible for ensuring his/her safe transportation home after detention.

FAMILY SUPPORT:

 We understand that we are not required to sign this contract as a term of our son/daughter’s admission to Foundation Academy, but do so voluntarily because we believe that Foundation Academy is a partnership between moms and dads and teachers in creating the best possible education for our son/daughter.

 We agree to support our son/daughter’s academic work by communicating regularly with our son/daughter’s teachers.

 We agree to attend all Parent-Teacher Conferences for which we are scheduled so that we may collect our son/daughter’s report card and meet with his/her teachers to discuss our son/daughter’s performance in school.

Student's Commitment—

 I commit to consistently work, think and behave in the best way I know how and will do whatever it takes for me and my classmates to learn and to prepare myself for college.

 I will attend Foundation Academy from the beginning of the summer session in August through June.

 I will wear my uniform to school every day and adhere to the Foundation Academy dress code.

 I will complete all of my homework and reading every night.

 I will raise my hand and ask questions in class if I do not understand something.

 I embrace and will consistently model the values of caring, respect, responsibility and honesty.

 I am responsible for my own behavior and I will follow the teacher’s directions. If I make a mistake, I will tell the truth to my teachers, accept responsibility for my actions and sincerely apologize to those who I have wronged.

 I will remain at school daily until 4:30 p.m.

 I will arrive at school every day by 7:30 a.m.

Parent’s Name: _______________

Student’s Name: _______________

Date: __/__/__

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High School Students and Academic Boredom

Today's high school kids say they are bored in class because they dislike the material and experience inadequate teacher interaction, according to a special report from Indiana University's High School Survey of Student Engagement (HSSSE). The findings show that 2 out of 3 kids are bored in class every day, while 17 percent say they are bored in every class.

More than 81,000 kids responded to the annual survey. HSSSE was administered in 110 high schools, ranging in size from 37 kids to nearly 4,000, across 26 states.

According to the director of the project, the reasons high school kids claim they are bored are as significant as the boredom itself. The finding that nearly one in three respondents (31 percent) indicate he or she is bored in class due to "no interaction with teacher" is a troubling result.

So, in a high school class, 1 out of 3 kids is sitting there and not interacting with a teacher on a daily basis and maybe never. They're not having those interactions, which we know are critical for student engagement with learning and with high schools.

Some of the key findings include:

• Fewer than 2 percent of kids say they are never bored in high school.

• Nearly 40 percent felt bored because the material "wasn't relevant to me."

• Seventy-five percent of kids surveyed say they are bored in class because the "material wasn't interesting."

The lack of adult support may play a role in student disengagement from school. While 78 percent of kids responding agree or strongly agree that at least "one adult in my school cares about me and knows me well," 22 percent have considered dropping out of school. Of those kids who have considered dropping out, approximately 1 out of 4 indicated that one reason for considering this option was that "no adults in the school cared about me."

The fact that this many kids have considered dropping out of high school makes the numbers of dropouts that we actually see across the country -- and the supposed dropout crisis that we have -- not surprising. I think schools definitely need to pay a lot more attention to what kids are thinking and the reasons why they're dropping out.

The high dropout rate may also be related to the finding that half of the respondents said they have skipped school; 34 percent said they had skipped school either "once or twice," and 16 percent said they had skipped "many times." The kids who skip school are far more likely to consider dropping out and that this finding may suggest a reason for schools to reconsider how they handle discipline for kids who skip.

Among the other findings:

• The survey found that kids aren't spending a lot of time on homework. While 80 percent of the kids surveyed indicated that doing written homework is either "somewhat important," "very important" or a "top priority," 43 percent reported spending an hour or less doing homework each week. Similarly, 73 percent of the kids said reading and studying for class is either "somewhat important," "very important" or a "top priority." But 55 percent said they spent an hour or less per week reading and studying for class.

• Kids said activities in which they learn with and from peers are the most exciting and engaging. More than 80 percent of kids responded that "discussion and debate" are "a little," "somewhat" or "very much" exciting and engaging, and more than 70 percent responded in this way about "group projects." By contrast, just 52 percent said teacher lecture is "a little," "somewhat" or "very much" exciting and engaging.

• Seventy-three percent of kids who have considered dropping out said it was because "I didn't like the school." Sixty-one percent said, "I didn't like the educators," and 60 percent said, "I didn't see the value in the work I was being asked to do."

Even though kids may not be putting in time outside of class, they expect to earn a diploma and go to college. Nearly 3 out of 4 kids responded that they go to school for that very reason. The lack of time spent studying and reading may work against such a goal.

Kids may not be doing the work to get them to that point. Or, they're not interested so much in what they're doing in their classes as they are in the goal of getting a diploma and going on to college.

The size of the sample certainly means that high schools from across the country can draw some conclusions about their own student bodies. A administrators consider restructuring programs, the HSSSE data can be especially valuable.

I think this brings critical student voices into reform efforts and into conversations about the structures and practices of individual schools.

This data here is saying, well maybe we need to look at this in a preventive way. So that kids who skip school, we need to bring them in and talk to them about why they're skipping school and are they considering dropping out. Because those kids who are skipping school most frequently are at the highest risk--it seems--of dropping out because of the amount of times they consider dropping out.

The survey indicates kids are just trying to get the diploma and leave. It's as if the focus is so much on getting that degree, ending high school, and going to college, that the focus on learning is actually lost. If they're not interacting with their learning, if they're not feeling that what they're learning is relevant, if they're not engaged in it, there's no seeds planted for that passion for learning or exploration which is what would drive them to college and the next stage. So I think a large part of this is 'what is the purpose of schooling?' Is the purpose of schooling in high school to get children out with a degree and move them on to some level of postsecondary education, or is the point of high school to involve them in some way in learning and plant a seed for discovery in education that actually carried into whatever they do next?

Interaction with educators is important. We know that those interactions are critical for learning and critical for participation in school. If only two out of three kids are having some interaction, then we know there's a large chunk of kids being left out and being left behind.

It's the reasons why kids are bored and the implications of what that means that they're bored that are very important. The big thing is that they're finding the material not interesting. Three out of four kids say they're bored because the material is not interesting. That's critical in an environment in which there's so much emphasis on student achievement and accountability. If kids are not finding the material interesting, we can say they're not likely to learn it, and they're bored with it, and achievement is not likely to go anywhere.

==> JOIN Online Parent Support

Violence Between Siblings

Moms and dads must be able to distinguish between healthy sibling conflict and damaging abuse. Sibling rivalry is a normal, and mostly harmless, part of growing up. Siblings often compete without anyone getting hurt. These sometimes fierce, but balanced comparisons regarding achievement, attractiveness, and social relations with peers may actually strengthen sibling ties. For example, fair and balanced competition teaches kids how to share, compromise, win without humiliation and lose without self-debasement.

Sibling violence or abuse can be described as a repeated pattern of physical aggression with the intent to inflict harm and motivated by a need for power and control. Often, it is an escalating pattern of aggression that moms and dads have difficulty stopping. Some of the most important questions to ask are: “Is one child consistently a victim of the other?” “How often and how long has the behavior been occurring?” and “Is the behavior age appropriate?”

A 6-year-old youngster hitting his 4-year-old brother over a toy is one thing. A 12-year-old repeatedly hauling off and slamming his 8-year-old brother for hogging the video remote is something else again. When one youngster is always the loser, the aggression keeps escalating, and if moms and dads do not intervene effectively, the safety of the victimized youngster becomes the primary concern.

There is often an emotional component to sibling violence, as well. Frequently, the aggression begins as “teasing,” which might include ridiculing, insulting, threatening, terrorizing, and belittling a younger or less powerful sibling. Sometimes, a youngster will destroy a younger sibling’s property as a means to incite the violence. Sibling violence appears to occur more frequently than violence between parents and kids or spousal abuse.

What causes or leads to abuse?

What begins as normal sibling rivalry can escalate into something more when moms and dads fail to adequately supervise their kids or teach them appropriate means of resolving conflict. In one fairly common set of circumstances, parents may leave an older sibling in charge of younger ones. The youngster in charge may not know how to mete out appropriate discipline. When one youngster misbehaves, the older sibling may go to extremes to get the youngster to comply.

There is solid evidence now that being hurt by an older or stronger sibling has both long and short-term consequences. The younger child may begin to exhibit signs of depression, anxiety, fear of the dark, school behavior problems and even, in some cases, thoughts of self harm. The youngster who is the aggressor may also suffer. He or she may also be bullying kids at school. There is some evidence that the youngster in the aggressor role may experience long-term effects, like being aggressive with dating partners or spouses in adulthood.

Don’t overlook cruel behavior—

Moms and dads often overlook, ignore, or deny cruel behavior between their kids. Parents must intervene anytime there is a suspicion or danger of one youngster being hurt. They should also intervene after providing siblings with the opportunity to resolve their own conflicts and seeing that they may need some extra help. Timing and sensitivity is critical. At first, sibling conflict is often about fighting over resources (like toys, space, money, etc.). When moms and dads intervene there is the danger of it becoming about the parent’s love. Fighting over a parent’s love will generally lead to much more aggressive sibling behavior.

How to intervene in early stages—

If your family tends toward competitive disagreements, be mindful of minimizing rivalries between kids by pointing out similarities in their behavior and avoid accentuating differences. Reward sensitive, positive behavior among brothers and sisters. When you praise positive interactions, the potential for sibling abuse is reduced. Set ground rules early regarding hitting, name-calling, belittling, taunting, and terrorizing. You may dislike such emotional abuse but excuse it as sibling rivalry and mistakenly accept it as normal childhood behavior.

Set aside time regularly to talk with your kids individually, especially after they have been alone together. Be sure to monitor your kid’s media choices (TV, video games, and Internet surfing), and either participate and then discuss the inappropriate media messages, or ban their poor choices.

Once a sibling struggle begins, learn how to intervene in ways which prevent an escalation of the conflict. Take the time necessary to get each youngster’s perception of the conflict. Allow each youngster to say what the other’s perception is until they fully understand it. Get an expression of feeling from each youngster, whenever possible. What does each youngster want to do about the problem? Help them forge a compromise. If they cannot agree, take 10 minutes to work out options for a compromise.

Give your kids reminders when they begin picking on each other. Help them to remember how to state their feelings to each other. Don’t solve the problem for them, but help them remember how to problem solve. Remember, it doesn’t matter who started it, because it takes two to make a quarrel. Hold kids equally responsible when clearly established ground rules are broken. Teach your kids how to compromise, respect one another, and divide things fairly. Give them the tools and then express your confidence that they can work it out by telling them, “I’m sure you two can figure out a solution.” Don’t get drawn in.

Prevention—

Listen and believe your kids. Never dismiss a youngster who says that he or she is being victimized. Also, avoid giving one youngster too much responsibility or power over another. Provide good adult supervision in your absence. Be sure to investigate sudden changes in mood or temperament in your youngster. And seek professional help if you cannot control combative or abusive behavior among your kids.

Professional Intervention—

Therapists with training in both family therapy and family violence can help your family meet the challenge of dealing with sibling aggression. A therapeutic climate where families are encouraged and reminded of what they do well and moms and dads learn to help kids resolve conflicts on their own can reduce or eliminate sibling aggression. Parents can learn how to intervene in serious sibling conflicts immediately and effectively through a series of prescribed rules and conduct meant to encourage a win-win solution.

Moms and dads sometimes also need to learn how to manage their own levels of anger so that they can teach their kids how to manage theirs. The development, implementation and modeling of good conflict resolution skills during calm times can be helpful in moderating and reducing arguments and disagreements. Dangerous fights need to be stopped immediately. Kids must be separated and taught how to calm themselves. Once they have calmed down, parents can facilitate discussion about what happened and make it clear that no violence is ever allowed. Kids caught in fierce power struggles with a brother or sister usually appreciate a safe and structured therapeutic environment where they can address current conflicts without fear of retaliation or judgment.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents with Rebellious Teenagers

How To Get Teens Home By Curfew

Most experts agree that moms and dads should discuss rules, especially curfews, with their youngster, so the youngster understands why the rule is the way it is, and can have a chance to give input. If your youngster helps to create the rules, he'll be less likely to break them and defy your authority.

Curfews are important because they set up reasonable boundaries to protect your family culture. Teenagers hate fixed, out-of-date, and inhuman rules with a passion. They want to be involved in the process of establishing them. So, sit down with your teenagers and work together on a list of specific rules for your household. Give them the opportunity to come up with ideas, add to the list, and comment on anything related to each of the rules.

Here are some simple rules for putting curfews in place:

1. Communicate clearly what the agreed upon times are, through written and verbal reinforcements. This means, post it on the refrigerator and reinforce with a verbal reminder, such as: "Look forward to seeing you around eleven tonight." And be careful how hard and fast you make that curfew. Allow for a small buffer, perhaps fifteen minutes, so that your youngster does not drive faster in order to be home by curfew and avoid punishment.

2. Execute the consequences of broken rules. When your daughter is late, give her the freedom and opportunity to comment and explain. Maybe there were unplanned events, like a flat tire, or a surprise party. Try to find a solution to the problem together. If an adolescent still breaks the curfew rule, let the agreed-upon consequences fall into place.

Since you and your adolescent have already discussed these consequences and set them up together (e.g. take away car keys, remove home privileges, like TV use, etc.) you are not forced into the position of playing the "bad guy" or creating a punishment on the spot.

3. If your adolescent has missed curfew because drinking or drugs were involved, then the consequences are more serious. Simply enact these more serious consequences that you and your adolescent set up together.

4. Involve your teenagers in setting their nighttime boundaries. Reach an agreement together as to a curfew time that is age-appropriate for each adolescent. Compromise if necessary. You don't always have to be the "winner."

On another note, it never hurts to check on your adolescent from time to time. If your adolescent says she is going to be at the coffee shop at 5 p.m. with their friends, drop by and see for yourself. You do not have to even let your adolescent know. If your daughter sees you, just wave and keep on walking.

Teenagers need to know that there will be some unscheduled checking by you. If they are spending the night at a friend’s house, call and ask to speak to your youngster at an unusual time. Parenting is active, and that means you have to make that effort to check on your adolescent. This takes courage, but it is the price of making sure your youngster is safe.

Does that mean you should follow your adolescent around or attach a tracking device to his clothing? Of course not! But as a parent, you should listen to your intuition. If something sounds sketchy, then it’s at least worth taking a closer look.

But if you are open and honest with your adolescent about the rules of the house, there will probably be a lot less “sneaking around” – and that means a more harmonious household, even if your adolescent would rather jump in an icy lake than be seen with you at Starbucks.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Discipline for Strong-Willed, Out-of-Control Teenagers