Brain on Drugs? NO!

Radiation Penetration in a 13-year-old

Brain on Drugs? NO! This is a picture of your kid's brain while he talks on his cell phone!
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Hi Mark,

I recently registered for your site-

I wondered what you might have in the way of advice regarding the following:

MIXIT has become the in-thing in this country- kids are using it more and more and some becoming addicted as in 6 hours a day and into the night.

Parents needing their kids to have mobile phones in terms of arrangements are finding it extremely difficult to control as it is dirt cheap, easy to access and being used by all their friends as a mobile chat room.

I’d appreciate your opinion or any articles relating to this.

Kind regards,

J.

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Hi J.,

MXit is a mobile instant messenger application developed in South Africa that runs on GPRS\3G mobile phones with java support that allows you to communicate with other MXit users on their cell phones or even on a PC. Messages are sent and received via the mobile Internet, rather than with standard Short message service technology (SMS).

The user can also exchange messages with online chat communities like MSN Messenger, ICQ, and Jabber.

Messages are limited to about 2000 characters.

Because messages are billed by the amount of data sent, they are much cheaper to send than traditional SMS messages. MXit is very popular because of its simplicity and the cost.

Currently during peak time, an SMS on any one of our network providers costs around 80c for 160 characters. Using MXit, the exact same message, will equate to around 3 to 5c!

MXit claims to have a registered user-base of two million and about five million log-ons per day …and most of the users are South African Teenagers.

The problems associated with cell phone use among teens and pre-teens are mostly related to health issues.

Learn more about the dangers of electro-pollution here: www.emf-health.com/children.htm

I'd like to take the door off his room.

My 15 yr old son has become such a punk and is very lazy. He went through his teacher’s desk and was told on by his classmates. He only admitted to sitting at her desk and is now being placed in a different class due to loss of trust from her. She is a great teacher too. Since he doesn't respect her privacy, I think his privacy should also be compromised. I'd like to take the door off his room. Any thoughts?

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I think this punishment fits the crime ...good thinkin' (only for 3 days though).

Mark

www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

Why don't I just 'know' how to parent the right way?

Mark, This may sound like a ridiculous question ...but why don't we, as parents, just KNOW how to parent our children the right way. Why don't we just know it!!! Why does it seem that we HAVE to get outside help with our kids nowadays (otherwise all hell breaks lose). ~ K.

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Hi K.,

All parents are experts in 'HOW' their child behaves. But few, if any, are experts in 'WHY' their child behaves the way she/he does. And if the parent doesn't know the 'WHY' part, she will beat her head against a brick wall for years without finding a solution to the behavior problems.

Kids are extremely complex creatures-- especially when they suffer with ADHD, ODD, CD, etc. How could anyone be expected to know how to parent these individuals. If I pulled the automatic transmission from my car and placed it on a table in front of you, would you just "KNOW" how to fix it. Of course not. The idea is absurd. Parenting kids with emotional/behavioral problems is no different.

This is why I'm glad you are a member of Online Parent Support (OPS). Members of OPS are my hero's. Why? Because they are willing to spend a significant amount of time figuring out the 'WHY' part, and are working hard at making the necessary adjustments in their parenting.

I'm proud of you K. -- you have what it takes.

Mark Hutten, M.A.

==> Join Online Parent Support

Terminate The Relationship?

Mark,

In the Emails From Parents ("This Mom Has A Backbone"), you used the word "terminate." Could you elaborate on what you mean exactly by this term? Surely you're not telling us to abandon our kids.

J.D.

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When you "terminate the relationship," you're not saying to your child, "Hey ...I don't love you anymore, and I never want to see you again." Rather, you are sending a clear, verbal message that "as long as you choose to use abusive language and threats, I choose not to be around you." You could include the comment, "whenever you decide to stop using abusive language and threats, I'd love to spend time with you" (tough love that, in many cases, is equally tough for the parent).

In those cases where the child does not have the luxury of going to live with the other parent, you have to adopt a different approach obviously (which is discussed in the ebook).

I hope this clarifies,

Mark

www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

He's Got 4 Parents.

Hi Mark,

I have read quite a bit of your ebook now. I am finding controlling my anger a problem. I have not found my poker face yet. I do have a question for you though. My son goes to his fathers for dinner every Tuesday night and every other weekend. How do I enforce the discipline?

My son did not earn this past weekends wrestling tournament and was told he could not go, his father took him anyway. So now my son is acting like he got away with something. And I feel like what I say doesn't matter. I except that I cannot control my son's reaction. But, how do I control his father’s actions or reactions? My son has 2 mom's and 2 dad's and none of us get along very well because we have different idea's of what's best for our son.

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Hi A-M.,

If he has 2 moms and 2 dads, then you only get 25% of the say-so -- not good odds.

In any event, I would recommend that, if possible, the 4 parents get together and come up with some type of parenting plan that everyone can live with (compromise). A watered-down, weaker plan supported by all 4 parents would be infinitely better than a solid, stronger plan supported by only one parent.

If the other 3 parents are not interested in working WITH you, then let your son know that your rules are different than theirs, and there are consequences for violating your rules while he's on your watch.

I know this is a frustrating situation. You make two steps forward, and then it seems that the other parent pulls you 3 steps back. But don't try to control what they do on their end. Your son will simply have to operate under two or more different sets of rule-structures.

Mark

www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

J's school counselor recommended a part time job.

Hey Mark~

J's school counselor recommended a part time job. Thought it necessary since he will be 17 on Apr 28 (more important than a sport). I thought track would be a better idea- get him social and active- and he could pick up a job in the summer. J refuses to do either. He is taking Drivers Ed. but has no motivation to drive or go anywhere (child of indulgent parent). How do I handle this?

Thanx- L.

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I think this falls into the 'pick your battles carefully' category. Here's my 2 cents:

If he doesn't want to work -- fine. But he should do chores around the house to earn money.

If he doesn't want to do track -- no problem.

If he wants to be a homebody -- that's o.k.

Your son is going to be a late bloomer ...I can see that now.

I wouldn't spend time or energy fighting these battles,

Mark

p.s. Don't go lookin' for trouble.

www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

She's got ADHD, Anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder , and Bipolar Disorder.

I have a 17 year old daughter who has been diagnoses with severe ADHD, anxiety and border-line bi-polar. These past six months have been terrible. She's hanging out with terrible kids, she quit school, she hates her family and as her mom, I have tried several drugs, including Strattera, which she just started, and she is miserable.

Anyone with authority, including family, teachers, anyone, she does not tolerate. I'm trying to get her tutored so she can graduate, she thinks it's no big deal, feels entitled to get her car back on the road, get a new cell phone, etc. I'm at my wit's end, I don't know what to do with her, she threatens to move out daily, she is not even 18 (in a few weeks), she's a know-it-all and I cannot reason with this child at all, she is illogical and will not listen and everyone is making her life miserable and nothing is her fault.

www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com