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What to do when your child: Abuses alcohol Abuses drugs Applies guilt trips Applies insults Argues with adults Believes the rules don't apply to him/her Blames others for his/her behavior Blames others for his/her problems Calls you terrible names (e.g., "f___ing bitch") Deliberately annoys people Destroys property in the house Does not feel responsible for his/her actions Does not take “no” for an answer Engages in self-injury or cutting Feels entitled to privileges Gets caught shoplifting Gets into trouble with the law Gets suspended or expelled from school Has a learning disability (e.g., ADHD) Has an eating disorder Has been sexually abused Has frequent anger outbursts Has problems with authority figures Has problems with siblings Is a bully at school or in the neighborhood Is depressed Is failing academically Is getting into trouble on the Internet Is grieving the loss of a family member or friend Is hanging with the wrong crowd Is hav...

Throughout adolescence, your teenager will be confronted with many difficult circumstances where choosing to make a safe and healthy choice may not be the easiest or most obvious thing to do. Peer-pressure may factor heavily into the choice-making process regarding numerous serious issues (e.g., drinking alcohol at parties, trying drugs, having sex, joining gangs, etc.). It’s normal for adolescents to challenge their moms and dads' values and beliefs as a way to “test the system” and seek autonomy. Adolescents need support and “guidance” from their moms and dads to make important choices about their future. However, the more “controlling” you are, the more rebellious your adolescent is likely to become. As a mother or father, being present to protect your adolescent from circumstances that could potentially hurt him will always be an intense urge that often can’t be realistically fulfilled. As your teenager grows older, parenting becomes less about control and more abo...

Disagreements are to be expected as part of family life, and these can start to happen more frequently as your youngster enters his adolescent years. Sometimes disagreements will turn into blazing rows, with your adolescent insulting you or cussing. This can be hurtful and disappointing, leaving you asking yourself how things ended up this way, or what you could have done differently. A certain level of moodiness and irritability is to be expected from adolescents, but it’s important for parents to maintain disciplinary boundaries. It’s NEVER acceptable for an adolescent to become aggressive and physically hurt the parent. If violence against parents goes unchecked, it sends the message to the adolescent that violence is a way to get what you want in life. If violent behavior gets rewarded (due to the fact the there was no significant consequence for it), the adolescent will likely be violent toward others down the road. But unfortunately, other people will not be as accepting o...

Do you find yourself getting sucked into a power struggle over homework and/or chores with your teenager? A lot of moms and dads tell me that this is one of their main, ongoing battles. If this is the case with you, you may have, for example, abandoned the statement, "Okay it's time for you to get off the computer and do your homework" ... because that request usually results in an argument. Dealing with homework battles can be one of the most stressful things parents have to deal with while raising unruly, and often a responsible, teenagers. Unfortunately, too many parents take on more responsibility for homework than their child does. When this happens, it's the beginning of many years of homework battles. The teenager has learned that he can push off the responsibility for doing homework, and then his parents will take over. Not that the parents will literally complete the homework for the teenager, but they will nag, lecture, threaten, plead and beg -- all...

As a youngster grows into an adolescent, parents often discover that their usual disciplinary methods are no longer effective. Many parents come to realize that they are no longer “in charge” – and that positive change needs to happen soon as their teenager is seemingly on a course of self-destruction. When old disciplinary techniques no longer work, the parent may be tempted to try and be her teen's “friend” in a last ditch effort to maintain the peace. But, even when teens are rebelling, they still need the parent to be the parent (not a “buddy”) and let them know what the rules and boundaries are. Adolescents need to figure out what being a young adult means for them, and this will inevitably lead to some clashes with the parent. If the parent’s way of setting boundaries used to be to “lay down the law” with her children (e.g., to insist, “Because I said so!”), she may find it more difficult now with her teenagers. It's much easier to exert pressure on youngsters wh...

During adolescence, young people are busy trying to make sense of the physical changes happening to them, changes in their feelings, sexual attraction, and the desire to be in control. Just like other feelings, some oppositional behavior is perfectly normal for teenagers – after all, it’s one of the main ways that assert their independence. However, oppositional behavior can be hurtful and destructive when taken to an extreme. Just like physical pain, oppositional behavior itself can have an important function to tell the teenager that what is happening is not acceptable and that something needs to change. Having a strong desire to rebel against parents can be an early warning sign that important needs are not being met. For teens, oppositional behavior is a push towards making changes, a way of showing parents how they feel, and what they need to happen. Often times, adolescents push their parents too far, and the resulting arguments and conflict seem like childish temper tan...

If your adolescent is in trouble with the law (e.g., for possession of drugs, public intoxication, theft, etc.), then it is understandable that you feel panic-stricken. You are probably very unsure of what’s to come in terms of legal ramifications – and your teen’s future. Things will be different now for both you and your adolescent.  Below you will find some important information that will help you to understand – and deal effectively with – this situation. Being well-informed should alleviate some of the stress you’re feeling as the mother or father of a teenager in legal trouble: 1. First of all, make sure your adolescent is safe. Is he jail? Is he in a safe jail? Some communities have safe jails, other communities don’t! If it is safe, you should leave him in jail for the night to teach him a valuable lesson. If he is unsafe, get him out as soon as possible. 2. Don't hire an attorney for the small stuff (e.g., truancy, curfew violation). If it is a minor issue, th...