HELP FOR PARENTS WITH STRONG-WILLED, OUT-OF-CONTROL CHILDREN AND ADOLESCENTS

Education and Counseling for Individuals Affected by Oppositional Defiant Disorder and ADHD

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How do I deal with this...

Mark,

Regarding your reply about lying and issuing a consequence. In talking to J on the phone he still insists to us that he wasn't stoned the time he got his "disciplinary bounce", however, he admitted it to the staff at the group home during an interview with them yesterday. He said to me that he admitted it to them even though it wasn't that time, but to me he admitted it was another time. Now, I'm not sure whether he's lying or actually telling the truth (my gut says he's lying to me), and he asked me "you don't believe me?" I said to him that he's lied so much in the past, that I find it difficult to believe him. How do I deal with this even though he's not at home or in our custody and how do I consequence him?

We are going to see him for a 2 hour visit this weekend and plan on telling him about our plan and being honest.

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Hi E.,

Re: How do I deal with this...

I would drop it. You told him what he needed to hear (i.e., that he's lied so much in the past, that you find it difficult to believe him). He's going to have to earn your trust back, and that comes in the form of being caught telling the truth over the course of the next several months - if not years.

Re: consequence...

He's already received a natural consequence via the "disciplinary bounce." He doesn't need - nor should he get - another one.

Mark

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The Strong-Willed Out-of-Control Teen

The standard disciplinary techniques that are recommended for “typical” teenagers do not take into account the many issues facing teens with serious behavioral problems. Disrespect, anger, violent rages, self-injury, running away from home, school failure, hanging-out with the wrong crowd, drug abuse, theft, and legal problems are just some of the behaviors that parents of defiant teens will have to learn to control.

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