HELP FOR PARENTS WITH STRONG-WILLED, OUT-OF-CONTROL CHILDREN AND ADOLESCENTS

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Our son still has days where he refuses to get up and go to school...

Hi Mark,

We've been following your programme for the last 4 weeks and things are improving. Thank you. Our son still has days where he refuses to get up and go to school. We implement the discipline by cutting of his cell phone, no TV or computer for three days. However he still goes to his girl friend who lives 3 mins walk from us (after school). By saying he cannot go out, is this correct, or is it like the dishes being broken in the sink scenario? (More consequences on top on the 3 day discipline.) Also can he earn back his privilege of going out on sat night?

We are on track so I don't want to rock the boat and start bending the rules.

Thanks for your guidance.

Regards,

L.

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Hi L.,

Re: By saying he cannot go out, is this correct, or is it like the dishes being broken in the sink scenario?

The clock starts over whenever a child (a) repeats the original offense (e.g., returns home after a curfew time of 10:00 PM), or (b) violates the one-day, two-day, or three-day discipline (e.g., does not stay grounded, uses the cell phone, etc).

Your son is violating the three-day discipline. He should be in the house at 3:00 PM (for example). If he does not return home from school by that time – or if he leaves the house to go over to his girlfriend’s house, the clock starts over. If he chooses to ignore the 3-day-discipline, then he chooses a 7-day-discipline. If he refuses the 7-day-discipline, then you will need to tell him that the police will be called and a run away complaint will be filed.

Parents who refuse to go these extra steps are not really working the program and do not receive the success they had hoped for.

No half measures!

Re: Also can he earn back his privilege of going out on sat night?

Once a privilege is taken away, it should never be returned until the child completes the entire time period of the discipline.

Mark

P.S. Sometimes "tough love" is tougher on the parents than the child.

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