I'm feeling more detached from him each day...

Hi Mark,

Our son, I__, will be 18 next Sunday and will be a high school senior this coming August. I began your program about 10 days ago and have completed the first week. I talked with I__ about our mistakes as parents, we did have dinner together last Sunday and I have attempted to complete the other first week assignments. I have not moved on to week two though because I__ has been gone so much that I have not been able to do the number of repetitions that I'm sure are part of the program. Since school has been out, I__ comes home late (midnight to 1) during the week and later during the weekends. He gets up after I go to work and is gone before I get home from work. There are some days that I never see him. This weekend we asked him to come home by 4 on Saturday and we have not seen him or heard from him since yesterday afternoon. He does not have a job and while he says he is looking for one, I don't believe he is looking very hard. He spends his days "hanging" with his friends. There is not much to take away from him. He no longer has access to a computer (at home), has lost his phone (and the service is turned off) and does have use of a car, which is at home because he has no money for gas.

I would very much like to re-establish a relationship with him so he can live at home while he finishes high school. I'm feeling more detached from him each day and I'm sure he is feeling detached from us as well. He stills calls occasionally to check in. What would you advise as next steps? Also, in Indiana, are all parental rights/responsibilities termed at 18, or do some continue if the student is still in high school?

Appreciate your feedback and suggestions,

C.

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Hi C.,

First of all, to allow him to run …to come and go as he pleases …is a form of over-indulgence. In Session #2 and #3, you’ll find disciplinary strategies to deal with this problem. He needs to be in by curfew – and he needs to be doing some chores around the house (especially since he’s not working).

Re: parental responsibilities. If one of the parents is paying child support, he or she may have to help with college expenses until the adult-child is 21, but other than that, your obligations are met once he reaches the 18.

Mark

Online Parent Support