HELP FOR PARENTS WITH STRONG-WILLED, OUT-OF-CONTROL CHILDREN AND ADOLESCENTS

Education and Counseling for Individuals Affected by Oppositional Defiant Disorder and ADHD

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Teens Who Make False Claims That the Parent is Abusive

Hello, 

Last week I signed up to get your ebook and instructional videos. I have a question. My out of control teen has a set of grandparents and a family that she has convinced I am completely abusive to her. I have been turned into the authorities four times now from false allegations and have a meeting for a 'home visit' tomorrow with the latest investigation case worker. My daughter wants to go live with the grandparents and will do whatever it takes to get removed from my care.

My concern is a co-worker I know has a similar situation. Her son turned his mom in making abuse allegations. They didn't 'stick' so the second time he turned her in for alleged abuse he made marks on his body and called saying his mom was abusing him. It stuck that time and his mom, who wouldn't hurt a flea, is now on probation for 17 months for the abuse allegations.

When do I throw in the towel? I am very worried this is going to go the same way for me.......not if but when.

Thanks,

B.

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Hi B.,

This is all too common (i.e., the kid has learned that she can duck out off receiving consequences for poor choices by alleging abuse).

In short, I suggest letting your daughter try this new living arrangement with the g-parents (if they are amenable to it) – but – let her know that, in the case she burns a bridge with them and wants to come back to live with you, she will have to agree to abide by a behavior contract (that you draft-up ahead of time).

If / when the g-parents arrive at THEIR wits-end and ask you to take your daughter back, do so only under the understanding that they are not to allow your daughter to run back and forth from one home to the other depending on her mood / attitude at the time.

Mark Hutten, M.A.

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