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The last thing that most parents consider when they are trying to come up with some form of discipline for their unruly child is “humor.” But, when used in the right way at the right time, the use of humor and playful parenting can be a clever (and sometimes startling) technique. The most important factor in disciplining a child is the connection between child and parent. While humor is certainly not the only way to make a connection, it's probably the best way since laughter and play appeal to most children. Use humor to defuse tension. When a youngster has pushed his parents over the edge, humor can be a safe way to regain their ground. By putting a humorous slant on behavior that still must be addressed, parents model effective ways for children to handle feelings. Turn anger into laughter. Parents who can help an angry youngster see the humor in her position without making her feel ridiculed is showing her how to calm down. When parent and child can laugh toget...

So your child is entering middle school this fall, and you are wondering how to manage the transition? The answer is, "very carefully" because his or her life is about to undergo a number of major challenges. The transition to middle school is marked by several significant (and perhaps stressful) changes: This is a time when young teens are most likely to experiment with at-risk behaviors. This complicated period of transition has often been associated with a decline in academic achievement, performance motivation, and self-perceptions.  The transition to middle school comes at a time when kids are also experiencing a host of other changes associated with the transition from childhood to adolescence. They are beginning to mature physically, and to think of themselves as individuals outside of their families. Their attentions turn to exercising independence and developing strong relationships with peers — while avoiding exposure and embarrassment. The atmosphere at ho...

Mom: “If you don’t stop slamming your bedroom door, you’re going to be grounded for the rest of the week – and the weekend!” Teen: “I don’t care!!!” (SLAM) Sound familiar? If your teenager refuses to follow house rules, and also acts like the consequences for breaking the rules are a joke, then you (the parent) need to change your parenting approach. There may be any number of reasons why your teenager fails to respect you, your rules, and your consequences. Does he refuse to accept the rules because he considers them unfair? In this case, the teenager's objections – and the parent's reasons – warrant further discussion. Are the rules clear? Important rules need to be put in writing. Here are some tips for issuing consequences to teens that (supposedly) "don’t care" about consequences: 1. Be assertive without yelling or losing your temper. A willful teenager is likely to think it's funny to see you losing your cool. Disciplining your son or dau...

Teen: “Hey mom. I’m spending the night here at Sarah’s.” Mother: “No you’re not. I told you to be home by 11:00 PM.” Teen: “But her mom said it was O.K. if I stay here tonight.” Mother: “I don’t care. I let you go over there because you promised to be home by 11:00. Now, you either come home or you’re grounded for the rest of the week!” Teen: “Then I’m never coming home!!!” (CLICK) Sound familiar? For moms and dads with adolescents, setting curfews can be tricky. Adolescents should have curfews because they need discipline and supervision. They're at a point in life where they are experimenting and pushing boundaries. When adolescents rebel against their curfews, moms and dads shouldn't give in.    Parents are so easily manipulated by teens when it comes to curfews. It's not just about your teen hanging out with the wrong people or you staying up late worrying where he or she is at. A curfew is about an adolescent understanding that, yes, he or she can...

"My daughter doesn't appreciate anything I do for her!"  Have you ever said something like that?  If so, you may need a wake-up call... Over-indulged teenagers are not born, they are created.  Moms and dads create teenagers that are over-indulged by giving them an over-abundance of what they want, but don’t need. However, it’s not always the material things that lead to over-indulgence.  It may be a permissive parental approach in which the youngster is allowed to read things that are not age-appropriate.  It might also be over-permissive and over-protective parenting of the youngster (e.g., doing everything for the teen in a protective manner).  Overindulging is: a form of child neglect; it hinders teenagers from performing their needed developmental tasks, and from learning necessary life lessons doing or having so much of something that it does active harm, or at least prevents a youngster from developing and deprives that youngster of achi...

Another school year is about 50% completed, and many parents have already had numerous "do-your-homework" battles! Kids do not consciously choose to fail, but your daughter refuses to do her homework, which causes her to fail. Why is she sabotaging herself? Demanding that her educators provide you with her homework will not solve this problem. Complaining that the educators won't give you her assignments will have a negative impact on your relationships with these individuals. Her educators are likely to view you as an over-protective "helicopter parent" – and you don't want that identity! So what can parents do when their child refuses to do homework? Here are some tips: 1. Communicate early on when homework issues arise. The earlier the problem is addressed the more likely it is you will be able to find solutions that work. The rest of the school year can be easier for you and your youngster. 2. Back up your words with action. Be realistic ...

In an effort to enhance their kid's self-esteem, moms and dads often use praise to recognize the efforts and accomplishments of their kids. Of course, recognizing your kid's positive behavior is more likely to build self-esteem than dwelling on problems. But praise is not always uplifting. Praise like “you're impressive …brilliant …amazing” can be too much for a child to believe. It is hard to accept such exaggerated praise. Have you ever noticed how uneasy you feel whenever anyone evaluates you? When someone tells you that you're “attractive” or “clever” -- all you can think about are the times you felt unsightly or did something stupid. Kids also become uncomfortable with praise that evaluates them. They often dismiss it. Sometimes they will deliberately misbehave to prove you wrong. Instead of evaluating what your youngster has done, it is usually better to describe it. Describe in detail exactly what your youngster did. Then your youngster, hearing the ...

Some disciplinary techniques are more effective than others. Fortunately, today there's a great deal of scientific evidence to back up behavior modification strategies. In order for a consequence to be effective, it must be: Unpleasant for your teenager Not too long (teens will give up if the consequence lasts too long) Not negotiable after the rule has been broken Immediate Age-appropriate A good match for the misbehavior Disciplinary techniques that are effective can largely be grouped into two categories: 1) taking away something that is pleasurable (e.g., your attention, an exciting environment, a fun activity, etc.), and 2) imposing something that causes discomfort (e.g., paying a fine, doing extra chores, etc.). The consequence should always fit the misbehavior. Draft a list of “Most Important House Rules” and put an appropriate consequence next to each one. Because these are the most important rules in your house, the disciplinary techniques should be fair...

Have you ever noticed the things your child says to get her way? It’s as if she has taken a course on “how to manipulate parents.” Below are seven statements you probably have heard your child say again and again in her steadfast effort to influence and control you. See if these sound familiar, and discover some effective ways to respond to them: 1.    YOU LOVE BRANDON MORE! This is one of those comments designed to prey on a parent’s guilt. This comment about how you love one of your other children more is often effective in getting moms and dads to launch into a lengthy discussion with the youngster—and that only encourages the youngster to debate the parent’s authority. The next time your youngster accuses you of loving her sibling more, say, “You know that’s not true. I love all my children equally, but I parent them differently.” 2.    GET OUT OF MY BEDROOM! Somehow, kids have the idea that their bedrooms are off-limits, and that any parent wh...

Just when you thought you’ve seen it all in drug abuse among teens, here comes a new drug reportedly more potent than heroin and more dangerous than crack: bath salts. "Bath salts" (mephedrone and methylenedioxypyrovalerone) or MDPV has been responsible for sending scores of teenagers to the emergency rooms across the country. The number of emergency related incident calls related to this widely available drug skyrocketed from 235 calls last year to 246 calls in January of this year alone. The “bath salts” being sold contain cathinone, which is a plant grown in Africa. It affects the neurotransmitters in the brain much like meth or crack would. However, there is no government regulation at this time because of the fact that it is not manufactured for human consumption. Louisiana currently is being hardest hit with deaths and serious injuries because of ingested bath salts. “Bath salts” has been sold under the street names of Cloud 9, Ivory Wave, Ocean, Charge Plus, ...

Anger is a normal, healthy emotion. As your step-child's parent, however, you are an influential adult in his or her life. As such, you have an immense opportunity and responsibility to help your angry step-child learn to cope with anger and express those feelings in ways that are positive and healthy. Before we look at specific ways to manage aggressive and angry outbursts in step-children, several points should be considered: • Anger and aggression do not have to be dirty words. In looking at aggressive behavior in step-children, we must be careful to distinguish between behavior that indicates emotional problems and behavior that is normal. • In dealing with angry step-children, the step-parent’s actions should be motivated by the need to protect and to reach, not by a desire to punish. Step-parents should show the child that they accept his or her feelings, while suggesting other ways to express the feelings. Also, ways must be found to communicate what we expect of ...