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Many families of defiant teens live in a home that has become a battleground. In the beginning, the daily struggles can be expected. After all, we knew that problems would occur because teens are naturally rebellious, to a degree. Initially, stress can be so subtle that we lose sight of a war, which others do not realize is occurring.    We honestly believe that we can work through the problems. Outbursts, rages, and strife become a way of life (an emotionally unhealthy way of life). We set aside our own needs and focus on the needs of our teenager. But what does it cost us? There is a significant difference between normal teenage rebellion versus defiance : Defiant teens are destructive and disagreeable by nature They like to push their parents' anger-buttons Every request results in a power struggle Lying is a daily habit, and stealing is a favorite hobby Getting others to react strongly pleases and amuses them They blame others for their mistakes and misbehavior ...

Below is a partial list of typical parenting strategies . Parents have found these strategies to have little or no effect on their out-of-control child's behavior: Trying to "reason" with the child Having "heart-to-heart" talks Confrontation or being "assertive" Grounding Taking away privileges Time-outs Counseling Having the child go live with his/her other parent (if parents are separated or divorced) Trying to be a nicer parent Trying to be a tougher parent Having another family member "talk" to the child (e.g., aunt or uncle)   "Giving in" and letting the child have her/his way Verbal warnings Ignoring misbehavior Medication Threatening to call the police Calling the police and so on... Your out of control children will NEVER work for what YOU want.  But will they work for what THEY want? I'll show you how this works in my eBook. Return to main page...

"I've tried everything -- counseling, taking away privileges, grounding -- and nothing works with this child!" When parents have finally had enough disrespect and behavior problems with their child, they come to my office to file an incorrigibility charge   (i.e., a legal complaint due to the child being unruly and delinquent in the home). At this point I ask the parent, "Would you be willing to try something else first before we consider filing the charge."  And most parents agree they would rather not involve their child in the "juvenile justice system" unless they absolutely have to. So I get the parent involved in my parent-program called Parent-Teen Support Group . In this group, which meets 90 minutes each session for 4 sessions, we look at a set of highly effective unconventional parenting strategies to use with their strong-willed, out-of-control unconventional child . I follow up with these parents weeks and months after they com...

What to do when your child: Abuses alcohol Abuses drugs Applies guilt trips Applies insults Argues with adults Believes the rules don't apply to him/her Blames others for his/her behavior Blames others for his/her problems Calls you terrible names (e.g., "f___ing bitch") Deliberately annoys people Destroys property in the house Does not feel responsible for his/her actions Does not take “no” for an answer Engages in self-injury or cutting Feels entitled to privileges Gets caught shoplifting Gets into trouble with the law Gets suspended or expelled from school Has a learning disability (e.g., ADHD) Has an eating disorder Has been sexually abused Has frequent anger outbursts Has problems with authority figures Has problems with siblings Is a bully at school or in the neighborhood Is depressed Is failing academically Is getting into trouble on the Internet Is grieving the loss of a family member or friend Is hanging with the wrong crowd Is hav...

Throughout adolescence, your teenager will be confronted with many difficult circumstances where choosing to make a safe and healthy choice may not be the easiest or most obvious thing to do. Peer-pressure may factor heavily into the choice-making process regarding numerous serious issues (e.g., drinking alcohol at parties, trying drugs, having sex, joining gangs, etc.). It’s normal for adolescents to challenge their moms and dads' values and beliefs as a way to “test the system” and seek autonomy. Adolescents need support and “guidance” from their moms and dads to make important choices about their future. However, the more “controlling” you are, the more rebellious your adolescent is likely to become. As a mother or father, being present to protect your adolescent from circumstances that could potentially hurt him will always be an intense urge that often can’t be realistically fulfilled. As your teenager grows older, parenting becomes less about control and more abo...

Disagreements are to be expected as part of family life, and these can start to happen more frequently as your youngster enters his adolescent years. Sometimes disagreements will turn into blazing rows, with your adolescent insulting you or cussing. This can be hurtful and disappointing, leaving you asking yourself how things ended up this way, or what you could have done differently. A certain level of moodiness and irritability is to be expected from adolescents, but it’s important for parents to maintain disciplinary boundaries. It’s NEVER acceptable for an adolescent to become aggressive and physically hurt the parent. If violence against parents goes unchecked, it sends the message to the adolescent that violence is a way to get what you want in life. If violent behavior gets rewarded (due to the fact the there was no significant consequence for it), the adolescent will likely be violent toward others down the road. But unfortunately, other people will not be as accepting o...

Do you find yourself getting sucked into a power struggle over homework and/or chores with your teenager? A lot of moms and dads tell me that this is one of their main, ongoing battles. If this is the case with you, you may have, for example, abandoned the statement, "Okay it's time for you to get off the computer and do your homework" ... because that request usually results in an argument. Dealing with homework battles can be one of the most stressful things parents have to deal with while raising unruly, and often a responsible, teenagers. Unfortunately, too many parents take on more responsibility for homework than their child does. When this happens, it's the beginning of many years of homework battles. The teenager has learned that he can push off the responsibility for doing homework, and then his parents will take over. Not that the parents will literally complete the homework for the teenager, but they will nag, lecture, threaten, plead and beg -- all...