My wife and I have a 16-year-old daughter that we "discovered" was sneaking out of the house at night, partying etc. Once we confronted her, she and a neighbor girl ran away for about a day and a half. Since then she has been to 6-8 counseling sessions with no immediate results. We found you site and put your suggestions into practice now for about two weeks. She became very angry at first, but as privileges were taken away, she backed down some. My question is how do you know when it is over the top? If she threatens to run away again do we immediately call the police? We are just wondering what to do if it ever escalates to that level again. Ironically she is a very good student 3.7 GPA despite sneaking out a couple times a week on weeknight.
>>>>>>>>>>>How do you know when it is over the top?
Well …make sure you are not grounding or taking away privileges for too long – more on this here: www.myoutofcontrolteen.com (see “When You Want Something From Your Kid”).
>>>>>>>>>>>If she threatens to run away again do we immediately call the police?
Well first of all, don't threaten her. Avoid the temptation to say things like, "If you walk out that door, I'm calling the cops" or "If you leave, you're grounded for a month." or "Fine, go ahead and run ...I'll pack your shit and you live somewhere else."
Instead say, "You know that I can't control you -- and if you really want to run away from home, I can't stop you. I can't watch you 24 hours a day, and I can’t lock you up in your room. But no one in the world loves you the way I do. That is why we have established some house rules. Running away from home will not solve any problems. You and I know it will only make matters worse."
If your daughter follows through with her threat to run away, do the following:
1. Call the police. Don't wait 24 hours -- do it right away.
2. Get the name of the officer you speak with.
3. Call back often.
4. Call everyone your daughter knows and enlist their help.
5. Search everywhere, but do not leave your phone unattended.
6. Search your daughter's room for anything that may give you a clue as to where she went.
7. You may also want to check your phone bill for any calls she made in the last few weeks.
When your teen comes home, wait until you and she are calmed down before you address the matter. Then say (with your best poker face), "When you ran away, I felt worried and afraid. But I have an obligation to protect you. Therefore, if you choose to run away again, you'll choose the consequence -- runaway charges will be filed and a juvenile probation officer will want to meet with you."
If your daughter runs again, follow through with this consequence.
- ► 14 (62)
- ► 13 (52)
- ► 12 (57)
- ► 11 (109)
- ► 10 (145)
- ► 09 (150)
- ► 08 (406)
- Why two names?
- How do I encourage some conversation in our home?
- YOUR CHILD'S ACADEMIC SUCCESS
- 27 year-old twins are still behaving like rebellio...
- FDA Has Concerns About ADHD Medications
- Mother Receives an A+
- Self-Reliance is Key!
- The Romeo & Juliet Phenomenon
- Husband is not on the same page...
- Is it realistic to insist on appropriate attitude....
- We need an exorcist!
- What can you tell me about NVLD, and what can a pa...
- Does He Need Residential Placement?
- My Space Predator Exposed
- I just want to make sure this doesn't fall into th...
- Son Vandalizes Mother's Residence
- Daughter Ran Away and Moved In with 21-year-old Bo...
- She is not doing her reputation any favours...
- HEG Biofeedback
- I was so pissed...!
- How To Get Teenagers To Study
- 16-year-old mom in a 35-year-old body...
- Stress-Relief for Stressed-Out Moms
- Son with ODD
- Are we doing the right thing?
- How do you know when it is over the top?
- I Hate You !!
- Desperate mom searches for quick fix...
- Neurofeedback for ADHD
- Mom Has To Attend Counseling
- What do we do next?
- Can you help me sort this out?
- Military School Option
- She won't go to school...
- How can he help himself?
- She's a Kicker!
- We can't make it through the next 6 weeks without ...
- Teen Suicide
- Grounding Teens "From" Their Bedroom
- This is so confusing and hard ...
- ▼ 2 (41)