My question is: Is it realistic to insist on appropriate attitude, respect and tone of voice from my daughter at this beginning stage, and if so can you make some suggestions?
Actually, "insisting" is not part of our methodology. We simply: (a) state the rules, (b) state the consequences for breaking the rules, and (c) follow through with implementing the consequence if the rule is broken.
You can’t really stop a child from breaking the rules. She already knows what the rules are, and it gets old trying to convince her not to break rules. But you can deliver a consequence in a way that doesn’t accidentally reward her for negative behavior. And you can give your child your energy when things are going right rather than when they are going wrong.
Say to your daughter, "You know the rules. If you want to break the rules, there's a consequence -- no big deal. You decide."
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