HELP FOR PARENTS WITH STRONG-WILLED, OUT-OF-CONTROL CHILDREN AND ADOLESCENTS

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Tackle Only One Problem At A Time

Mark,

Exactly right about the punishments, as I have read, re-read your program over and over! My problem though is M______ is refusing most things.

1) Right now he is supposed to be doing his on laundry (as a consequence) and actually has done some of it, but won't fold it or put it away. I even offered to help fold while we watched a baseball game last night, but he refused.

2) He recently got back his "designer" clothes (dad gave back, did not "earn" back). I asked him to put them away (they are in a big hockey bag), again they are still in the bag in the middle of the bedroom floor.

3) He made a grilled cheese sandwich, burned the pan, left it on the stove, directed to clean it, he made a half-hearted attempt said he would "clean it when I get home from work", then never did (I needed it for dinner last night, so I ended up cleaning it).

4) was refusing to go see his counselor Friday, eventually did go, but ended up sitting in the waiting room.

5) is refusing to mow the lawn (which had been a paid job to help work off some of his debt)

6) said he was going "tanning" yesterday afternoon (at the end of our block), but part of his bond is to stay at home, was told no, he started walking, I went with him, he did return home, I did drive him and waited in the car.

7) he has missed his bus every morning for school, inconveniencing me and his little brother.

8) trying to talk on the phone EVERY chance he can possibly find.

We have told him if he went to school on the bus every day, stayed off the phone, kept up with his laundry, kept his room tidy, did his other chores, did not swear at us, he could earn back the privilege of driving to/from school (to start). He has done none of these things. SO WHAT CAN WE OFFER? I am finding things positive, having open conversations and saying "I love you" daily. This is what I'm struggling with.

Thanks,

J___


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Re: SO WHAT CAN WE OFFER? I am finding things positive, having open conversations and saying "I love you" daily. This is what I'm struggling with.

O.K. Great question!

Earning things back simply entails not repeating the offense in question. For example, your son violates curfew after he was given a warning that he will be grounded for 3 days without computer privileges.

Two days go by and he returns home late again. So you restart the 3 days. If he makes it through the 3 days without missing his curfew, then he gets off ground and can get on the computer.

Notice in this example he didn't have to "earn" his way off discipline by doing laundry or mowing the grass. Also, in this example, you only tackled one problem rather than multiple problems.

Judy, check out this blog entry ==> click here ...I think this may be helpful in ironing out some minor details for you.

Do not get discouraged, because you are greatly on track.

Mark

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