I bought the book some time ago, and it has helped tremendously. However, I still don't know what else to do.
2 years now, and my 18 year old son refuses to socialise, refuses to get a job (we are now in a foreign country, so he has a point), refuses any kind of help, refuses to get involved in any activities, whether they are lone activities or not,....his anger problem is a bit better, but still out of control.........better because of your book and my different re-action........
I see this sad, lonely alone young man, and it breaks my heart. 2 years now, and I'm his only contact. His Dad doesn't bother, and all our family have passed away. I just don't know what else to do. Over the years I've tried everything, and I mean everything, and everyone. Including giving him his own time and space, but nothing different happens. I get off his back. He is happy watching tv. using the computer and playing video games.
How can I help him, if he doesn't want to be helped? But I don't want to live like this anymore.
Please help me,
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You are living with a young adult who is emotionally/socially under-developed. Many factors have contributed to this, but to look at causes will be of little benefit.
I think it's possible that you feel sorry for him, and as such, are not implementing the "tough love" concept to it's fullest intent. Until you truly get on board with the program (i.e., follow the recommendations in the Online Version of the eBook, specifically the section in the Anger Management Chapter entitled "When You Want Something From Your Kid"), then you will be living with a 28-year-old man ten years from now.
I would suggest "getting ON his back" rather than off. Give him a deadline in which he will either have to be working full time or attending school full time - or some combination thereof.
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The Strong-Willed Out-of-Control Teen
The standard disciplinary techniques that are recommended for “typical” teenagers do not take into account the many issues facing teens with serious behavioral problems. Disrespect, anger, violent rages, self-injury, running away from home, school failure, hanging-out with the wrong crowd, drug abuse, theft, and legal problems are just some of the behaviors that parents of defiant teens will have to learn to control.
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