I’ve responded to your email point by point below.
Please look for these arrows: >>>>>>>>>>
I have a 16 yr old (we are UK based) who is depressed and angry and won't respond to offers of seeking help via doctor or counsellor.
>>>>>>>>>>>> Counseling is just another “traditional” parenting strategy that doesn’t work very well, and in too many cases, it makes a bad problem worse. When parents attempt to force counseling on a difficult child, she usually resents it and views this strategy as a form of punishment. She also tends to believe that the family is blaming her for all the parent-child conflict. If the whole family will go to counseling, then you may see some benefit. Otherwise, save you money.
She’s had fights with her father where he physically lashed out at her in response to her rudeness and she now hates her father with vengeance.
>>>>>>>>> Her father should be taking the high road rather than stooping to her level. As you will discover from reading “My Out-of-Control Teen” eBook, reacting to a strong-willed kid with anger and violence results in the parent losing – every time!
I have 2 other daughters 14 and 12 and she is upsetting them with her 'hatred comments'. To make the situation even more complicated, their last physical exchange resulted in me asking my husband to leave.
We have been having problems for years and in the last few months we weren't speaking and were due to breakup in order to resolve the situation. We are still apart and the 2 younger girls are upset by this. We are attending marriage guidance to see if our marriage can be saved. But with Xmas looming I want him to be with his daughters Xmas eve/day and Boxing Day, but the problem child is threatening not to be there. Everyone knows a fuss will be made by her on the day which will upset the family, although I’ve asked her to try and let it go for that period as there are others to consider. She hates him, wishes him dead and I don't no how to deal with the situation - please help.
>>>>>>>>> At the risk of making this response to your dilemma sound like a sales pitch, the best way I can help you is to offer you the eBook. You’ll find detailed solutions there, and you can use me as your personal parent coach as the next several weeks and months roll by.
I’ll be here for you whenever you’re ready to get started with the material: