ONLINE PARENTING COACH

Hi Mark, It has been a couple of months since I have emailed you. I went back over the e-book and got some clarification. I must admit, though, I feel some things are still not presented clearly. However, in genera, things are running more smoothly. The kids have more jobs to do (nothing for free) and don't complain when I ask them to help out (well, most of the time!). They actually offer to help more now, which I find amazing. For the most part, we have pleasant dinners and car rides now. A couple of weeks ago the kids got a 3 day grounding for a major fight in the car. It took 7 days to work through it, but finally they managed to spend 3 days being pleasant to each other and everyone else. It was the most peaceful, consecutive 3 days we have ever had with our kids! Truly wonderful! However, my daughter B___ (11) is complaining that we are being grossly unfair when her 3 day groundings start over, so I would like to run this by you. Maybe we are being too h...

Hi Mark, My husband and I have been reading your info online and find it very helpful and educational. Our son, has been out of school for 2 weeks. We kept him home for one week before he was hospitalized. He was in a depression and had hit his low. This week he checked in to a very nice facility in Pasadena and has been out. He has a teacher, nurse, doctors, support groups etc. My problem is talking to people to ask where he is or the attendance office at school. My husband and I usually say, "He was under some stress and needed some time off." Last night my husband and I went to our first session with him with his psychologist (Who he likes and listens to). It was a tough but good session. Tonight is back to school night. My husband will stay home with our 9 year old and I will go and meet his teachers whom we have been in contact with. He is a bright student in the honors program. They move very fast in class. He is a Junior. I have asked for another ho...

"My son sucker punched me. I'm not violent, and to say the least, it really surprised and hurt me (emotionally, he didn't hit hard enough to hurt) ...he is 13."     ==> Click here for help with violent behavior in your child...

Mark, I am not sure if you remember me but my name is D___ and my husband and I build Target Stores across the country and currently we are building one in Michigan. I talked to you last year about my then 15 year old step-daughter who had called CPS on us, NUMEROUS TIMES, and you were beyond helpful. We did get and read your wonderful E-book. Did we DO it??? Well, we tried to, meant to, wanted to... but no we did not. Now we find ourselves in another prediciment with L__ and I am literally ready to pack my bags and walk out of here and I need some back-up desperately. I do not want to leave but I need my husband on-board here and helping with L__, who is now 16. Due to his lack of involvement over the past 9 HORRID years of marriage and MY raising L__ alone, he does not get it! I am very strict! DO I think too strict? No. L__ is out to kill us, at least me, mentally. She does the most subversive things and I cannot believe he does not see it! He then will see her fake tears, ...

Just to say that with patience and tolerance we appear to have won the battle. My son dropped out of school before the end of year 10. Didn't take any GCSE's. This last month my son has achieved the impossible. He has applied for a got one of the best engineering apprenticeships in the country, beating over 120 other candidates. He is the youngest apprentice on the course. He loves it and is attending college. Hopefully the corner has been turned. Just thought you might like to hear of some success. E. Online Parent Support

Mark, I have a really bad situation here and need you. My child is a SR on probation for 6 months -due to Being under the Influence. He lost his license due to many points. He has had numerous wrecks. He has ADHD but won't take his Rx. He has not done well in school but is very capable and scores off the charts with testing. PSAT score was 1100. He has already missed 10 days of school and now wants to drop out of school. HELP ME! There is an alternative school that is a possibility. The Jr. College he wants to go to will accept him with a GED and not even taking his SAT's. I am afraid he will regret this and I am also scared he may go to jail. Thank you so so much, P. `````````````` Hi P., Just FYI, most of my juvenile clients have withdrawn from regular school and are either attending an alternative school or preparing for their GED – based on my recommendation. This is due to the fact that these kids fail miserably in regular school, but do very well in an ...

Hi Mark, I bought the book some time ago, and it has helped tremendously. However, I still don't know what else to do. 2 years now, and my 18 year old son refuses to socialise, refuses to get a job (we are now in a foreign country, so he has a point), refuses any kind of help, refuses to get involved in any activities, whether they are lone activities or not,....his anger problem is a bit better, but still out of control.........better because of your book and my different re-action........ I see this sad, lonely alone young man, and it breaks my heart. 2 years now, and I'm his only contact. His Dad doesn't bother, and all our family have passed away. I just don't know what else to do. Over the years I've tried everything, and I mean everything, and everyone. Including giving him his own time and space, but nothing different happens. I get off his back. He is happy watching tv. using the computer and playing video games. How can I help him, if he doe...

Hello Mark, Thank you for your email. I believe things happen for a reason. I have been looking for the guidance on how to handle my oldest son for a few years now. I was actually on line looking for a website for information on boot camps etc...when I came across your website just last night. This of course was in the midst of him refusing to come home and telling me he will come home when he wanted to....maybe 1,2,3:00 in the morning whatever he dediced and on top of that not knowing where my other son even was! Ugggh! I have tried so many things and he has just got worse. Now...my youngest son 14 is riding on his brothers coat tails and beginning the same behavior. I so want to harness their behavior so it doesn't continue and wasn't only looking at them, but also at me and what could I change. Just this week I was looking at my parenting (single parent) and what I was doing to fuel the fire and not sure how/what to change. I did recognize a few things and made a sta...

Mark, Exactly right about the punishments, as I have read, re-read your program over and over! My problem though is M______ is refusing most things. 1) Right now he is supposed to be doing his on laundry (as a consequence) and actually has done some of it, but won't fold it or put it away. I even offered to help fold while we watched a baseball game last night, but he refused. 2) He recently got back his "designer" clothes (dad gave back, did not "earn" back). I asked him to put them away (they are in a big hockey bag), again they are still in the bag in the middle of the bedroom floor. 3) He made a grilled cheese sandwich, burned the pan, left it on the stove, directed to clean it, he made a half-hearted attempt said he would "clean it when I get home from work", then never did (I needed it for dinner last night, so I ended up cleaning it). 4) was refusing to go see his counselor Friday, eventually did go, but ended up sitting in the waiting ro...

I have a grand daughter 7 who is ripping the heart out of my daughter. H___ is 7 and for the past 2 weeks she has had these psychotic attacks. She turned on my daughter, scratched , kicked, bit , pulled her hair …hurt her ...all because she didn't get her way. The Dr thinks she may have ODD and ADHD ...my daughter asked me to come help her so I am leaving tomorrow for HI. You can't tell her no ...when she does not get her way she goes into orbit. The day she went after my daughter was because she wanted to jump off a cliff ...please let me know what you think. Thank you. ```````````````` I'm going to be brief. If you don't have the strategies outlined in my eBook , then you are in for one long, frustrating venture with your grand daughter. Mark

Mark, Well, just to keep you up to date. M______ had his prelim hearing on Tuesday. The attorney for "our" side (who we had never met and had never spoken to) told the referee we were unwilling to take him home. We did tell the ref. we would take him home with some restrictions. He told M______ he would be having another hearing and would he be willing to go home with his parents until then. He never once turned around to acknowledge us at all and said to the referee "How long would that be for?" Obviously this killed us, but he did not see our reaction, nor do I believe we showed one. The ref. found out if would be 30 days, and he went through the restrictions, and M______ said he would go home. We picked him up from the Juv. center. He did not speak to us. We went to pick up the 9 yr old from our friends. It was only then that he finally started to talk to him. By the end of the night, he was at least talking to us. It was very strained to say the lea...

Mark, It was a Godsend to speak to you, and again -- I thank you! I am better today. Lia is home. I tried your the technique you teach of "give some praise through a wired shut by anger mouth"... :-) ..., yesterday on Lia. She DID the dishes, 1st time out and good. After she finished them I said "TTTttttttthhhhhhaaannnnnkkkkk (aaarrrgggggggaAAaag) Yyyyyoooouuuu. You did the dishes great and even put them away without being asked. Want to help with dinner?"... I swear she stood frozen, like a deer cemented in headlights, and eventually said "sure". So today is a new day. A thankful while hopeful day for the ONE day of peace I had yesterday and for the hope of adding another day today. It is at least a start. Thank you!" Take Care, D. Online Parent Support

Mark, Earlier today I overheard some parents talking about how traditional punishments stopped working for today’s teens and it got me thinking. Sending a teen to their bedroom really isn’t much of a punishment. They have so much to do in there that it’s fun - and making them stay home isn’t much of a discouragement either as many teens prefer to stay home. Here are some creative punishments that will get you results when used as a threat or an actual punishment: * Completely block their Internet access for a x days using your router. * Delete all their MP3s off their computers and iPod. * Delete their saved games off of their Xbox, PlayStation, etc. * Delete all their ringtones and contacts off their cell phone. * Delete their porn collection on their computer. Yes, even your child has one. * Sell their iPod, game consoles, and/or camera on eBay and use the cash to buy something for yourself that they won’t enjoy. * Sell their car and make them ride a bicycle, or wo...

Dear Mr. Hutten, I have an 8-year-old child that was recently diagnosed with Oppositional Defiance Disorder. Just before his third birthday he was diagnosed as having autism. He had severe speech delay, cognitive issues, major behavioral problems and low social interaction. With a combination of ABA, occupational and speech therapy, he is vastly improved. He now tests "normal" in cognitive tests, although he does continue to be a bit behind his peers. His behavior, however, is horrific. I tell people it's like living with a surly teenager. He lashes out if he doesn't get his way. At school he routinely hits other children if they frustrate/upset him in any way. He blames others for everything, even going so far as to say that his victims *told* him to do it. He has every single out of control behavior on the ODD list (with the exception of swearing because there is no swearing at all in our home). Because he's routinely seen for autism, the doctor...

Mark: Thank you for the quick email. My wife C___ and I are starting to go through the material now. One question (I think I know the answer, but figured I would check), I am assuming these strategies have been successful on children with a diagnosis of Reactive Attachment Disorder as well as ODD. Our son C___ is 15 years old and exhibiting most of the issues you describe. He is extremely confrontational and defiant at this time, but not violent. He is insisting upon control of his life than making very poor decisions with that control. C___ was removed from his biological mother at 18 months and his father was already incarcerated by that time for sexually molesting one of C___'s sisters. Ended up, he later admitted to sexually molesting three of C___'s sisters (none were the father's biological children). The six children were all in foster care for a minimum of 7 years prior to being adopted. We adopted C___ just before his 10th birthday. He had lived with us for appr...

Dear Mark, I think your "my out of control teen" site is extremely rich in content with so many links and avenues for reader participation. The information on camps and schools and the even the links to blogs offers such a variety of help. That you repeat often the advice to have children evaluated is so important. When my husband's nephew at age 12 began to sleep more and lost interest in after-school activities, a few weeks passed with his parents worrying about depression and what might be happening at school before they thought to take him to the doctor. It was leukemia. I think missing important medical clues with children will worsen with fewer families able to afford general health care and more destitute families using emergency rooms instead of family physicians. C. Online Parent Support

Online Parent Support

Mark, I am very interested in your eBook and would like to make the purchase. I am not a person who normally seeks outside support or help for my family. But my 18 year old son is just out of control, I cant seem to get a handle on him. I have three other children, 1 out of college, 1 in college, 1 in Junior high. My other three children are good students and are very respectful to themselves and others. My 18 year old son Kurt is the one that I need help with. The friends he hangs out with, the breaking of his curfew, not being able to keep a job, anger issues, Pot & Alcohol, and poor grades in school. I can go on.................. Can you help with him? Is your $29 fee only for the eBook, you mention videos and PowerPoint's? Please advise. Thanks again. R. ``````````````````` R., As a member of Online Parent Support, you get the following: · My Out-Of-Control Teen eBook which contains the text version of the parent -program -- you'll get the online version and the ...

Thank you for sending me information on ODD and CD. It is very interesting, and quite scary to read as a parent, as I see many signs in my 13 year old son. After years of frustration in school (and difficulties with behavior at home), I finally broke down about two years ago (after an absolute last resort) and my son was put on Concerta. It seemed to help with his concentration, but he didn't like the feeling it gave him and it became a battle for him to take his meds towards the end of last year. He doesn't want to take it this year either. It was used strictly for school - never weekends or school holidays. I told him that this would have to be re-examined again once school starts (tomorrow). Last year, I provided the junior high school my son attended with forms to complete to have him tested at a clinic that deals exclusively with behavioral problems. This was after doing much research. The school's recommendation was to have the testing done at the school first ...

Mark, I hope we are doing the right thing with our son, and feel sad about what has happened, but no guilt, which is an improvement. We were leaving for vacation (only 1 1/4hrs away) last Saturday at noon. M______ has known about this for several weeks and we even told each child they could bring a friend (M______ still had not been able to find someone to go). We had rented a house on Lake Huron. I would be able to commute to work on Wed, Thur, and Fri. Fifteen minutes before we are to leave (both cars packed up and we only need to pick up 9yr olds friend) he starts with his "I'm not going". He takes his bike and leaves. I file "runaway". Four hours later, we leave. It was the hardest thing to do--leave without him. We did have both cars packed and it was not fair for the 9yr old and his friend (also pretty close to home). Oldest son (at home due to working) call us about 1:30am to say the bathroom window is broken open and screen is cut, and front d...

Hi Mark, Thank you for your help. I have all of the info now. I have had your book for only a week and already I see the changes in my daughter and in myself. I had actually made her leave home for a few days before I found your website. Things were out of control for both of us. It has been a great support and I thank you for the time you have invested for us. Cheers, R. Online Parent Support

Hello Mark, Grade 11 begins this week. The drugs are happening as we recently took our son's cell phone away and my husband and I looked through his messages last night and found drug deal info. He already was taken out of school near the end of last year due to drug involvement. Neighbours are friends and also involved with "D" (we think mainly marijuana). He is currently at a friends home for an overnight and we will be picking him up soon. It is hard to know what to do next. Could you offer some concrete advice? Thanks for your time, K. ```````````````` Hi K., If you'll go to this page ==> Emails From Exasperated Parents ...you'll find my recommendation for dealing with drug abuse. Mark

"Mark, Your online support has been a great help to me. I have just begun the program with my 13 year old son. Unfortunately, he is in ACJC a juvenile center in Fort Wayne. He drank hand sanitizer before school and had a blood alcohol level of 1.1. He has a history of sneaking alcohol and many behavior issues for his entire school career. Counselors and therapists, doctors all disagree or do not know how to help. I am thinking he may need residential treatment, but as a single mom this is not feasible financial. I am not sure what the court is going to recommend at this point. My question is : do you know of a treatment program that might fit his profile? I have spent many hours searching and can't find what might fit him. Most alcohol programs are for adults or older teens. I also know that the there are many underlying issues, but don't know what to tackle first.....depression, anger, social behavior, alcohol. They are all tied together. Thank you for any i...

Mark, We have a challenging teen daughter (17) who has been in plenty of trouble. I will spare you the laundry list. One of the issues we have currently been dealing with is alcohol consumption. My husband and I have always had a no tolerance rule on alcohol consumption for anyone under age. After all, it is the law. Our daughter tells us that most of the kids in her class drink socially at parties. She tells us that she's going to drink since it's the culture of kids her age. She also wants to be honest with us by telling us which nights she might be drinking and have us transport her and be accepting of this behavior. There are a few parents at our school who have adopted this parenting style which makes my job a little more challenging. My gut tells me not to compromise our no tolerance rule. Can there be a middle ground/gray area on this issue or does it need to be black and white? Any advice would be greatly appreciated Mark. ``````````` Hi D., If you lower your s...

I have a 16 year old that was diagnosed in K-5 she had ODD/ADHD. And nothing worked for her. Then 2 years ago I found out she has ODD/Bipolar instead of ADHD/ODD. The medicine has not worked for her. Her Dr. told me yesterday there is no medicine for ODD. But he has put her on a lot and nothing so far has helped her. She does not want to be told no you can not do that and she gets real mad at me and demands why. I don't know what else to do to help her. We have to drive to Amarillo for her Dr. She does not want to away from me. Do you know if there is medicine for her Bipolar/ODD that would help her. She is in 11th grade. She wants to go to collage and go into medical field. I could use all the info I can get. Thank you. `````````````` Re: Meds for Bipolar— The medication used most often over the years to combat a manic "high" is lithium. It is unusual to find mania without a subsequent or preceding period of depression. Lithium evens out mood swings in both directions, s...