The Strong-Willed Out-of-Control Teen
The standard disciplinary techniques that are recommended for “typical” teenagers do not take into account the many issues facing teens with serious behavioral problems. Disrespect, anger, violent rages, self-injury, running away from home, school failure, hanging-out with the wrong crowd, drug abuse, theft, and legal problems are just some of the behaviors that parents of defiant teens will have to learn to control.
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1 comment:
I'm a grandmother of an out of control young teen (will 14 in August). Gage has always had difficult behaviours, and a myriad of doctors and psychologists have had different diagnoses from ADHD to ODD to possibly Aspergers and Learning Disabilities. He's very bright...in grade 1 he was reading Harry Potter books..his IQ is quite high. I realize, this does not eliminate the possiblity of a learning disability. He just started middle school this year (grade 8 in our town), and has fallen in with kids his own age and older who are out of control. He is drinking, smoking, and using pot (there may be some girl stuff, though he's not as forthcoming with that info). He's decided school is not for him. He's in an alternate program (3 hours a day) and he's not doing very well there. The school has given him an opportunity to excelerate his high school graduation and finish in 2.5 years, but he's not interested. A couple of weeks ago, he got in trouble with police when he was a lookout for friends who were breaking into cars. Last night he told his parents he wants to move in with friends.
As a grandmother, I am heartbroken and want to do what I can to help. My daughter, Gage's mother, had similar behaviours at roughly the same age. She got pregnant (with him) at 16, went back to school, and by 18, graduated night school just after her peers. I don't hold the same hope for him because he doesn't have the same parental support I gave my daughter. My daughter and son in law are heavy pot smokers, so not great role models, and their first line of "discipline" is a lot of yelling and screaming (used to spank when he was younger). My daughter says she is angry all the time. Although they have sent Gage to doctors and counsellors they don't see a need for family or individual counselling. My encouragement that family counselling could help their 2 boys doesn't motivate them to even try. The agencies they have worked with (limited in our small town) have had disappointing results.
My younger grandson (almost 10 years old) has social problems and has aggressive behaviours which I believe have been borne out of living with his brother and having to always defend himself). Gage has not been aggressive towards adults or other children, but is very mean with his brother (10 years old). Gage has always been jealous of his younger brother.
I borrowed a course for them to try, which I believe is similar to yours (can't remember the fellow's name, you probably know him, he died a couple of years ago). They didn't bother to crack a CD and gave it back shortly afterwards, claiming they had no time to listen. I will order your course for myself, and maybe I can share some things with them.
My question--how can I help when the parents seem unmotivated to do any of the hard work necessary to help their son(s). They are unhappy and extremely frustrated, but are not willing to put in any effort to change their behaviour/parenting. I really believe they think it is all the kids' fault.
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