HELP FOR PARENTS WITH STRONG-WILLED, OUT-OF-CONTROL CHILDREN AND ADOLESCENTS

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He has obviously worked out what I'm doing & is not happy about it....

Hi,

This afternoon I told my 11y/o son that if he went out without my permission he would be grounded for 3 days. His reply was "why 3 days?" "Is it because of the new site you have in your favourites on the computer?" (We share the one computer.) I told him we would talk about it later. How should I deal with this? Is it OK for him to know that I am getting help from you?

He has obviously worked out what I'm doing & is not happy about it. He has asked several times about it whilst throwing daggers at me with his eyes.

How much should I tell him? I have always been as honest as possible with him, without being stupid of course.

I have just started putting week 2 into practice but already I am seeing a huge difference. I don't think I've yelled once in the last 9 days & I feel much more relaxed.

After not turning off the computer this morning when asked, I turned it off for him, I got yelled at (I stayed calm & quiet).

While calming himself down, he closed & locked doors ready for us to leave without being asked. I AM AMAZED.

Regards,

C.

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Hi C.,

Re: This afternoon I told my 11y/o son that if he went out without my permission he would be grounded for 3 days.

Actually you want to start with the least restrictive consequence first (e.g., grounding for one day without one his most favorite things – like the phone and computer). Then if he refuses to accept the least restrictive consequence, you issue the 3-day-discipline: grounding for 3 days with NO privileges.

Re: Is it OK for him to know that I am getting help from you?

It would be best that he not know what you are up to. Otherwise it's like showing him your poker hand in a game of poker.

Re: How much should I tell him?

If you noticed, I outline in each session assignments {Online Version of the eBook} exactly what to tell the child with respect to "giving him/her a heads-up" on what you plan to do.

Keep up the good work,

Mark

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