Education and Counseling for Individuals Affected by Oppositional Defiant Disorder and ADHD

Search This Site

Son Refusing To Attend School

We are at a loss as to what to do with our son. He refused to go to school in 8th grade. Too much to that story to even begin to tell. Now at the end of 10th grade he is doing the same thing. He is passing right now. He wants expensive things …says things like if you lease an expensive car I'll go to school. Embarrassed by us, we don't have enough money, big screen tv and such. We froze his cell phone and took away the computer hoping to motivate him. He said he was going to go to school tomorrow, but now that we did that … forget it. He says he hates us and is going to get a full time job and never go back to school. We explained there is not a big job market for newly 16 year old high school drop outs. Please help ASAP the last days of school are ticking away, with the first final tomorrow. The rest of the finals to start June 12.

Thank You



Hi S.,

Sometimes teens who were previously able to attend school regularly will suddenly become anxious and fearful. A recent crisis in the community or the family (such as a death, divorce, financial problems, move, etc.) may cause a teen to become fearful or anxious. Some teens fear that something terrible will happen at home while they are at school. Teens who are struggling in school with academic or social problems may also refuse to attend school. Many teens have social concerns and may have been teased or bullied at school or on the way to school. Some neighborhoods or schools are unsafe or chaotic.

Still other teens prefer to stay home because they can watch TV, have parental attention, and play rather than work in school. Teens who are transitioning (e.g., from middle school to high school) may feel very stressed. All of these factors may lead to the development of school refusal/avoidance.

If complaints of illness are the excuse for not attending school, have your son checked by your doctor. If there is no medical reason to be absent, your son should be at school.

Attempt to discover if there is a specific problem causing the refusal. Sometimes the teen feels relief just by expressing concerns about friends or school expectations. If your son is able to pinpoint a specific concern (such as worry about tests, teasing, etc.), then immediately talk to his teacher about developing an appropriate plan to solve the problem.

Some common sense strategies to try include having another family member bring him to school, or if he does stay home - then rewards such as snacking, TV, toys or parental attention should be eliminated. A school schedule may be duplicated at home.

However, if he is extremely upset, if he needs to be forced to attend school, if there is significant family stress, or if the refusal to attend school is becoming habitual, don’t hesitate in asking for assistance from the school psychologist, school counselor or other mental health professionals.

Treatment depends upon the causes, which can be difficult to determine. Many children may have started to avoid school for one reason (e.g., fear of being disciplined by a teacher, feeling socially inadequate) but are now staying home for another reason (e.g., access to video games, lack of academic pressure, etc.). Several treatment plans may need to be tried. Helping your son to relax, develop better coping skills, improve social skills, using a contract and getting help with parenting or family issues are all examples of possible treatments.

Mark Hutten, M.A.

JOIN Online Parent Support

No comments:


Parenting Rebellious Teens

One day you wake up and find that life has changed forever. Instead of greeting you with a hug, your little boy rolls his eyes when you say "good morning" and shouts, "You're ruining my life!" You may think you've stepped into the Twilight Zone, but you've actually been thrust into your son's teen years.

During adolescence, teens start to break away from parents and become "their own person." Some talk back, ignore rules and slack off at school. Others may sneak out or break curfew. Still others experiment with alcohol, tobacco or drugs. So how can you tell the difference between normal teen rebellion versus dangerous behavior? And what's the best way for a parent to respond?

Click here for full article...

Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)

Many families of defiant children live in a home that has become a battleground. In the beginning, the daily struggles can be expected. After all, we knew that problems would occur. Initially, stress can be so subtle that we lose sight of a war, which others do not realize is occurring. We honestly believe that we can work through the problems.

Outbursts, rages, and strife become a way of life (an emotionally unhealthy way of life). We set aside our own needs and focus on the needs of our children. But what does it cost us?

Click here for the full article...

The Strong-Willed Out-of-Control Teen

The standard disciplinary techniques that are recommended for “typical” teenagers do not take into account the many issues facing teens with serious behavioral problems. Disrespect, anger, violent rages, self-injury, running away from home, school failure, hanging-out with the wrong crowd, drug abuse, theft, and legal problems are just some of the behaviors that parents of defiant teens will have to learn to control.

Click here for the full article...

Online Parenting Coach - Syndicated Content