ONLINE PARENTING COACH

Hi, I’m finding the printable version of your book very helpful in realising i'm not the only parent with this problem. My son is a really nice kid 60% of the time, but when something doesn't go his way, he really loses it, trashing his room, throwing anything he can get his hands on. As you predicted, this has got worse to the point where he was very physical towards me. My main problem is how to get a 13yr old to stay in his room etc. I've taken his t.v. away at the moment, but he just goes to his brothers room to watch it. If i ask him to leave he just says no. How do you get a child to leave a room without encouraging physical aggravation? ````````````````` I would use the strategy “ When You Want Something From Your Kid ” [ Online Version of the eBook]. Also, you may want to consider putting a lock on his brother’s bedroom door so that he is essentially locked-out of that room [brother can lock him out when he goes in there to watch t.v.]. If he is physically viol...

Mark, My husband and I have been going over your book and we have found it to be incredibly helpful. I am still losing control over myself and getting into screaming matches with my ODD kid, but we are still doing better than before we found your book. C.K. My Out of Control Teen

Hi Mark: After receiving your email, I did go through some of the points in your book, etc. I know most of it is a “tough love” method, etc. and I do understand that. Well in follow up to my last email to you, our daughter went camping with friends last Saturday and lied about where she would be. She was in the same vicinity, but we did not know where. When she called me on Sunday morning (father’s day) and she told me she’d be doing this a lot, camping every weekend with friends, etc., I told her this wasn’t going to fly, I don’t know where she is and I can’t trust her and that possibly I would allow it here and there and on exceptions, but not every weekend. Well, of course, she freaked out and then I heard the old phrase “all the other parents don’t care”, to which I always reply “they don’t care as much as me, I do care about you” and no one’s mother would be checking on them, etc. She didn’t come home Sunday night, basically because she didn’t like what I said, and she didn...

Mark, I have been reading your book and I started using the earning, dinner once a week, asking a question that requires a complete answer and saying ‘no’ only once. I have three teens, two girls 18 and 16 and one boy 15. No yelling and most of your suggestions worked. The two youngest failed miserably this year in school and are in summer school and getting good grades. Still have problems with my 16-year-old daughter lying and stealing. But this week I am full of hope, a little less resentful and working on forgiveness. Thanks, V. www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

Dear Mark, I have a question ...my son is doing very well at school now ...he got mostly B's & A's, but we spoke to his teacher and she said that he knows his work and he could be an all-around 'A' student if he tried and put some interest into his work. Do I try and push him or do I leave it because he is doing well? ```````````````````` Are you kiddin’ me?! I’ll speak for myself here (so please don’t be offended): If my son were doing this well in school, I would want to simply keep my mouth shut and stay out of his way. Pick your battles carefully, Mark www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

Mark- K___, on her own decided she was not going to live with her boyfriend and came home after one week. She is extremely defiant though and stayed home one evening, staying at her sisters for two. She is now staying with her sister because her father and she got into an argument when she didn't call him as he had requested her to. He approached her with anger. I believe his family for the past 16 years has been extremely dysfunctional and now he lives with me. I approach things AFTER I get over the anger or emotions I am feeling. Probably because I grew up with a mother who was emotionally abusive to all three children and said a lot of things she really didn't mean, but caused all kinds of havoc by saying them. I told P___ after he hung up from yelling and swearing at K___ over the phone that he hadn't accomplished a thing by doing that. He, of course was offended, and slept on the couch. The next day he thought about what I said and while not being angry, t...

Mark, Thanks for the accommodations. You are a big help. I started some of the pointers that we've talked about, and I see some good effects. It's very hard to switch emotions, but I'm trying my best. I think I will be sending you a lot of thanks for this book and for the warm accommodation on the first phone consultation. I know I got the right help now. I wish God will give you more time to accommodate parents like me. K.N. Online Parent Support

Hi Mark- It’s been a while since I’ve reported back. I thought I would just let you know that my son is at last heading in the correct direction and I think it’s good to give good news too not only bad. I first read your book almost two years ago now and it got us started. At that stage it was exactly what was necessary. I also got a drug councilor involved which also made be huge impact on the drug issue. I then took him to Italy to meet his Italian family he had never met. This had a huge positive affect on him too. I found sticking to your program rather difficult and I was successful sometimes but not all of the time. I found it difficult to stay hard as it is just not in my nature, but the bit I did had the desired effect. Some of it has become natural without having to be dictatorial which is great. Then three months ago in my search for answers I sent him on a week camp organized by a local group of absolutely fantastic people. I am not too sure what they actually do, ...

Dear Mark, Well ...just so you know-I found you by chance. I went to troubledteens.com and somehow found you. I want to tell you that in one day you have already helped me. I downloaded the 60 pages-highlighted-and have read all of it and will continue to do it over and over. You really get it and I am tremendously grateful. We have been to 3 therapists-adderol and wellbutrin and now I am going to try it your way. It makes lots of sense to me. Our 17 yr old son is "Out of Control" but it is going to improve. Thanks so much, P.S. My Out-of-Control Teen

Just a short note to say thanks. We are now well into your assignments and things are going well. As you predicted, things got a lot worse to begin with, but the three kids and both parents are starting to settle well. We are getting into a routine, and now “no” is beginning to mean “no,” consequences to actions are beginning to be recognized, and your method of getting them to do something is very effective. Many thanks. I hope it's still o.k. to write with any questions as they come along, as I feel we are only part way through. And as they get older, new things are going to appear. Thanks again, M.V. Online Parent Support

HI MARK, MY NAME IS G___, I SPOKE TO YOU ON THE PHONE LAST WEEK ABOUT YOUR PROGRAM. I HAVE A 16 YEAR OLD STEP-DAUGHTER THAT HAS BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH BI-POLAR. MY WIFE AND I HAVE HAD PROBLEMS WITH HER FOR OVER FOUR YEARS. SHE HAS HAD TWO STAYS IN THE LOCAL CHILDRENS MENTAL HOSPITAL …THE FIRST STAY WAS ABOUT FOUR MONTHS, AFTER WE DISCOVERED SUICIDAL POETRY SHE WAS WRITING, CUTTING HERSELF, BULIMIA, OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANCE, VERBAL ABUSE, CUTTING SCHOOL, NO SCHOOL WORK WAS BEING DONE. THE SECOND STAY WAS AFTER SHE HAD A BREAKDOWN ABOUT A 19 YEAR OLD MAN SHE WAS GOING WITH THAT WE OPPOSED. THE CUTTING CONTINUED AFTER SHE WAS ADMITTED INTO THE HOSPITAL …THE SECOND RELEASE WAS IN SEPTEMBER 2006. SHE WAS PUT INTO A THERAPEUTIC SCHOOL AND HAS DONE BETTER THAN THE PREVIOUS PUBLIC SCHOOL. …SHE HAS A JOB AT A LOCAL SUPERMARKET THAT I PUSHED HER TO GET …SHE HAS BEEN THERE FOR ABOUT 2 MONTHS. THE PROBLEM NOW IS HER BEHAVIOR. IT IS AT ITS WORST WHEN SHE IS WITH HER FRIENDS. BUT I CAN'T S...

Hi Mark, Thanks for all the encouragement, I really appreciate that someone is out there and willing to listen. Kirsten has started to pack up all her stuff but I haven't issued the ultimatum - yet. I very calmly asked for her to pack up the rooms as I was going to need them clean and empty for the boarders. "Poker Face" ...She looked like I'd thrown a bucket of water over her. I explained that I was advertising with the local Uni to take in a couple of students. My word she did not take this news very well at all, saying things like "What am I going to do with all my things - there's not enough room at Jarrod's - I'll have to throw everything out - this is ridiculous You can't do that". "That means someone else will be using my bed" "They won't be here for tea on Sundays will they? - Dad You won't want strangers here?" "What if Chloe needs to stay overnight with you - does this mean you can't babysit?...

Mark- I realized I was very good at allowing my children to be independent, but I was not very good at setting clear and firm limits for behavior. My children easily discovered rules that could be broken if their protests were long and loud enough. Often times, I just wanted to avoid the hassle of a conflict. It was easier for me to let the rules slide than to deal with the fuss. Also, it was sometimes hard to refuse my children anything, because I didn't want them to be unhappy. I thought "unhappy children" equals "bad parents." And I guess at some level I was afraid my children would become angry and hate me if I set boundaries. Now I know that children want to know that their parents are in charge; they need structure and limits. This concept alone is helping me immensely. Thank you, J.W. Join Online Parent Support

Hi Mark, My problem is that I keep finding alcohol that my 16 yr old son has hidden. I have found beer and vodka. He is also on depression and anxiety medication (Effexor). Last Sunday night he was so drunk it was hard to wake him up. When we woke him up he did not know where he was, he was hostile, threatened to run away, and he said some very hurtful things to me. How do I get him to stop drinking and tell the truth? Most days he is a wonderful kid - hard working & makes the A/B honor roll. Right now he has a summer job at the DA's office and tutors some high school kids with Algebra. He also lost his dad in a car accident about 5 years ago. This may be the cause of his depression. He does not open up to me so it is hard to know what is going on with him. How can I get him to talk to me? P. `````````````````` Hi P., I got an answer that is short and sweet. He needs to be in some form of treatment for both alcohol abuse and depression. Intensive Out-patient (IOP) is recommen...

Hi Mark, I have read your ebook and saw that you say 3 - 7 days grounding. I have dished out a grounding of 4 weeks and no mobile phone. My 14 year old daughter is putting herself at risk with her behaviour. She has a personality that she has to be centre of attention. Just last weekend she decided to stay out for a day and night. Her friends were worried for her as they had all gone to town and she didn't come home with them. She wouldn't answer her phone and went to her job the following night with love bites covering her neck and high. I have done a drug test. She takes no responsibility of her actions and seems to self-sabotage herself with pushing the limits. She has a councillor and she said that she needs help. But won’t let anyone near her. She wants to go to a foster family and we feel that we can’t keep her safe as she is aggressive and breaks rules and thinks we are the ones with the problem. This behaviour has been going on for a long while. I have a...

Hi Mark: It’s been a long time since I’ve written, but I wanted some input on my daughter. Ever since she got her license, a year ago March, she has changed dramatically. She has been diagnosed with severe ADHD and they thought possibly borderline bi-polar disorder. Over the past year, things have slowly gone down hill. When she went back to school in September for her senior year, she just couldn’t deal. She had an attitude with teachers, she was barely getting passing grades (and she is extremely smart and has the capability of being an A student), she started skipping school and hanging out with other kids that skipped. She does not do drugs or alcohol, I know for a fact she is anti-drugs, etc. because she was put on different meds for her adhd and she had severe side effects to most all medications and she is afraid to do anything like that. She went away with us (her family of six) to Florida in February, and when we returned home, she refused to go to school and quit, wit...

Hi Mark, I think my biggest problem was that I didn't change the things that weren't working. I kept using the same parenting strategies and hoped for different results. This turned out to be almost as big a problem as not trying to fix problems in the first place. For example, I thought that lecturing and threatening to do this or that was an effective form of discipline -- but since I had to use it each day to correct the same problem over and over again, it should have been obvious that it was not a good strategy. I have better tools in my parenting toolbox now. Thanks for all your help. G.B.

Mark, I resisted joining Online Parent Support for a long time. I thought I could handle the problems without outside assistance, and I pretended that things were getting better on their own. But this pretending took the place of the hard work required to bring about real change that you talk about in the eBook. That's all over now. I'm taking responsibility for my part of the problem, and my daughter is accepting here part as well. Thank you for all your help. Sign me a grateful member of Online Parent Support, J.D. ONLINE PARENT SUPPORT

Mark: I have been a member of your support group for several months now and have found it very helpful. This past Sunday, my daughter graduated from High School with an honors diploma. A few months ago, I would not have thought this possible. Thanks, in part, to your website and support group, her behavior has become much better. She has always been a high achiever, but she also has been an extremely high maintenance girl, perfectly fitting your description of the out of control teen. My husband and I were married for 13 years before we adopted her from Korea. She was our shining star and we doted on her. You get the picture..... very spoiled, must always be the center of attention, very opinionated. She has a total lack of ability to tell the truth and a very high sense of entitlement. By following your advice, things have improved greatly, but this past year has been the most difficult of my life. We also have a 13 year old son whose temperament is the total opposite. ...

Mark, I remember feeling so helpless, like I couldn't do anything about the chaos and drama in my home. I told myself, 'If you haven't got the power, there is nothing you can do about your situation'. Seeing myself as helpless insured paralysis and provided a powerful rationale for doing nothing. But now I feel empowered -- because most of the things you suggest actually work. Thanks again, M.C. Join Online Parent Support

"I feel I have my son on a better path with his ODD/ADHD. The extreme behavior and fits have calmed down and his grades have improved. I use the material I purchased from you, and he is on a small dosage of Adderall. There is still a problem I am having a hard time dealing with - my husband! My husband is a stepfather to my son who has had the trouble. I have another son from the previous marriage and one son after getting remarried to my husband. I struggle with my son's father as he doesn't see the problems we do (his father only sees him on the weekends). And, then most concerning I struggle with my husband at home. My ex feels there are only slight problems and I blow things out of proportion (even calling the police on my son after he attacked me twice at the height of the problems) and my current husband feels I am not hard enough and feels I can't see the problems as he can because of the biological tie. I do not fear my husband leaving and I d...

Your eBook and website are very thorough and have helped me and my family immensely. My husband and I have a better understanding now! Since completing the program, my son J___ has brought his grades up 35%, and he is getting praise from teachers. The Assistant Principal wrote a letter describing improvements in J___’s behavior and gave it to me at the parent-teacher conference. Grateful Mom, T.S. Join Online Parent Support

Mark, My 13 year old son recently shows lots of problems and finally he is under probation with the electric monitoring program. My culture of origin is Korean but I try to understand this culture and raise him in the bi-cultural condition. I've studied counseling education and for the last two decades I've worked on the field of education. It is really heartbroken just watching him to struggle and at the same time I have to support him. For the last two weeks he was o.k. under that ankle monitor and seemed to change his mind toward the positive direction. But yesterday my older son (19 years old) told me C___ (13 years old one) smoked the day before yesterday when I went to bed and he secretly shared this story with him. I never suspected him at home even though he did some drugs outside when I was gone to Korea to take care of my ill father. How could he smoke in my house under my presence? But last week his kind of bad friend visited him and they smoked together in the bathr...

I just wanted to say a BIG Thank You for your work! I think, I mean I KNOW that your e-books and website are the most informative I have ever seen. And I have looked everywhere, read everything, tried it all! Thank you! D.G.

Mark- Update. K___ has been in touch with use several times. We have given her permission to move in with a friend in Port Orchard. She is going to call us every week with updates. We have an address, phone number, her boyfriends first, last name, phone number, license plate, everything we need in case something happens. We decided to give her this space to show us she is responsible enough. She went to her school to get her make up schoolwork. She is going to complete the work and turn it in for her credit. She is an honor roll student, and at the present time has more credits than necessary to enter the 11th grade. She has promised both P___ and I that she will graduate from high school. She actually wants to go to college and P___ and I assured her we will do whatever it takes to make that happen. P___ and I both told her she could "push us away all she wants, but we will never give up on her". When we sit down and speak with her, we never yell or scream. We k...

Dear Mark, C___ just bought your e-book for him and I to read, and we're currently reading it. At least I'm trying to read it. It's difficult for me to hold my head and neck in one spot for a period of time because of my disability, so I wanted to ask you before moving on, if your e-book comes in a hard or paper bound form? We don't have a printer to print your e-book. Let me introduce myself. My name is P___ and I'm from Wellsville, PA. I live with my "common-law" husband, C___. Him and I have been together for 16 years now, and we have three daughters. Their ages and names are: M___ 13, K___ 9, and L___ 7. I am a disabled person. C___ is a painter and does painting work when he can. Right now we are having a big problem with are oldest daughter M___. On Tuesday, May 29, 2007, M___ and a boy named, I__, was in "movie time" at school, with 100 other students and two adults there. Everyone was supposed to be watching the movie, but apparen...

How do you get the balance? Great kid – Used to be outstanding in school – has the intelligence to do it – but is totally unmotivated. Can’t get him to do anything – Husband tells me it’s my fault. He has currently lied to be – told me he had movie club after school till 4:30 – got letter from school today – has detention at school till 4:30. I believed him – even offered to bake when he told me – how dumb could I be? How to I change his attitude? ``````````````` You’ve raised 3 issues here: 1. Poor academic performance – Refer to the recommendations here: “Emails From Exasperated Parents” (Online Version of the eBook) 2. Lying – Refer to the section “When Your Kid Lies” (Online Version) 3. School behavior problems – Use the strategy “When You Want Something From Your Kid” (Online Version) Mark www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

  "Mark, When you say take everything away (during the 3 day discipline) do you really mean EVERYTHING? Is this always necessary? ~ S.F." Hi S., It's not necessary to take everything away in most cases. Usually the kid only has a few things that she/he enjoys (e.g., phone privileges, iPod, computer). Thus, in most cases the parent can just confiscate the really important stuff. However, there have been times when parents have literally taken away everything. Most recently I had a mother who took it all away (but only for 3 days, as directed). Her son only had the clothes on his back and a mattress on his floor (she even took his bedroom door off the hinges and removed all the 'junk food' from the house). Now this may sound drastic -- and it does take some work, but when parents follow the program (and this particular mother is), they achieve outstanding results. When taking everything away, you can put stuff in a locked closet, the trunk of your car, a...

Mark, What do I do when I've issued the 3-day-discipline (e.g., for violating curfew), but then my son creates a new problem before completing the discipline (e.g., calls me a "bitch", then breaks a plate by throwing it in the sink too hard)? Do I start the 3 days over even though the "broken plate episode" is unrelated to the curfew violation, or does this new problem get a different consequence? Click here for the answer...

My son is all set on graduating the eighth grade tomorrow but has received F's in most of his core subjects (Math, language and social studies) my husband and I are wondering if we should allow our child to graduate or should we petition the school for him to be retained, hopefully so that he will do a better job academically this time realizing he will need to do some work in order to pass. If we want to petition the school it must be done today otherwise it is a done deal. What should we do, we don't want our child to be ill prepared for high school and therefore get overwhelmed and drop out? Please give us your professional opinion! B.O. ```````````````````````` I'm not a proponent for holding children back due to bad grades. It has been my experience that grades tend not improve the second time through. If poor academic performance has been a problem for several months now -- and if it is a constant source of parent-child conflict, then please follow the recommendati...

Mark, You're selling yourself short. You really should be charging much more for your services. I've had 2 phone consultations with you, plus several email consults ...not to mention access to your website and the eBook. Before joining Online Parent Support, I had searched everywhere for info on ODD and ADHD, but could not find anything close to what you offer. Why are you doing this so cheap? M.S. ``````````````` Hi M., If I remember correctly, you live in the U.S. And 19 bucks is not a whole lot of money to those of us who live in the States. But keep in mind that " My Out-of-Control Teen " eBook sells all over the world -- Central America, South America, Caribbean, Europe, Australia, New Zealand, Melanesia, Asia, Africa ...and so on. $19 is a lot of money for most people outside the U.S. If I raised the price to $29 or above, too many people simply would not be able to afford it. Hope this answers your question. Mark www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

Mark, I have just downloaded the ebook and I feel like a kid at Christmas time! Thank God someone somewhere in the world knows what Conduct Disorder actually is for a start and has some strategies to cope. A diagnosis is one thing, at least there is a name for it, but to be left hanging by schools and health services, or worse still, stared at blankly in ignorance is much harder to handle. We live in Australia, so far I have not found much in the way of help for my son or our family. My son was diagnosed last year in what I thought was the height of his behaviour meltdown. Little did I know the worst was yet to come. He is just 15, currently reported missing from home since Sat (because I told him he couldn’t go out Fri. night as a consequence of him calling me every colourful F word name in existence for the previous 4 days). Sadly, this is common in our home, and has at times been accompanied by throwing furniture, bricks on glass door etc...(I have 2 other younger sons this behaviou...

Dear Members of Online Parent Support , In case you don't know, I am a very spiritual person -- and I consider Online Parent Support to be a very spiritual place. I don't mean to sound "preachy," but I would have never made it without a deep faith in God. God has truly blessed our website. And I believe he blesses members of Online Parent Support -- on a daily basis. I want to share an important spiritual principle with you: What You Think About Expands. Let me help you wrap your brain around this concept. If you believe, for example, that people cannot be trusted and that they are generally self-serving -- you will find a lot of untrustworthy, selfish individuals showing up in your life. If you believe that your family will never experience any joy or peace -- you will find a lot of sadness and discontent arriving at your door step, not to mention living day-to-day in a near-constant state of depression and helplessness. If you believe that...

Mark, Thank you so much for the phone consultation on Memorial Day - it helped a great deal. We had a few relatively calm days (the usual yelling and cursing but no major outbursts), and over the weekend, another storm. I knew that my daughter was planning to go off with a group of the older "friends" that I don't know and she doesn't want me to meet. I had told her that she could only go to a Girl Scout meeting. Well, she tried to go off with the older "friends" - when I wasn't there and she thought that Grandma would let her get away with it. I'd asked my mother to call the troop leader, who happens to be a policewoman, if she tried anything, and she did call her. She was there in minutes and gave daughter a good talking to. I feel better about doing the AP grading now that she's involved. I am worried because my daughter is getting even more out of control. She was physically violent towards me again - said I provoked her. After sh...