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She takes no responsibility of her actions...

Hi Mark,

I have read your ebook and saw that you say 3 - 7 days grounding. I have dished out a grounding of 4 weeks and no mobile phone. My 14 year old daughter is putting herself at risk with her behaviour. She has a personality that she has to be centre of attention. Just last weekend she decided to stay out for a day and night. Her friends were worried for her as they had all gone to town and she didn't come home with them.

She wouldn't answer her phone and went to her job the following night with love bites covering her neck and high. I have done a drug test. She takes no responsibility of her actions and seems to self-sabotage herself with pushing the limits.

She has a councillor and she said that she needs help. But won’t let anyone near her. She wants to go to a foster family and we feel that we can’t keep her safe as she is aggressive and breaks rules and thinks we are the ones with the problem. This behaviour has been going on for a long while. I have a 17 year old daughter who is an ADHD child who is difficult also. I can't leave the girls together as a fight will erupt within minutes over nothing. My 14 year old always wins by beating the 17 year old. My husband and I feel that she might be better off going to another family for 6 weeks to give us a break and her space.

New Zealand doesn't have many facilities for teens who are out of control. What are your thoughts on this?




If she wants to go to a foster home, and you need a break from her, then I would go for it.

Of course, she’ll be back after you get a call from the foster parent stating she cannot control your daughter anymore. But by then, your daughter will have matured a bit, and you will have had a respite from her negative behavior and choices (albeit a short one).


p.s. 4 weeks is too long. She'll forget why she's grounded after a week and the lesson will be lost.

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