I was looking for some help with a girl I know. Basically she is a family friend's 13-year-old daughter and is out of control. She doesn’t have any respect for her mum at all, and I don’t think she has any respect for herself. She drinks, smoke, takes drugs regularly, skips school so much that her mum is now faced with a £1000 fine or a month in jail, and I know that she tried self harm once and she has just been told she is suffering form alopetia (hair falling out usually die to stress).
My problem is that I have been asked to speak to the girl as her mum is running out of ideas. I’m unsure what to say to the girl. I’m assuming there is a reason for her behaviour (possibly because her mum and dad have been separated since she was young). But I don’t know if I should look for the reason or ask her to change her behaviour (which seems unlikely) or something else?
Any ideas on a good starting point ...even how to get her into the conversation as she will either become very defensive or she will go for the ‘poor me’ sympathy vote. I just want to help her realise that the way she is living isn’t good and do whatever I can to get her out of it.
I hear you saying that you are preparing to do some form of “trying to reason with” this young lady. Unfortunately, traditional parenting strategies (e.g., lecturing, reasoning, attempting to impart wisdom, etc.) do not work – and too often make a bad problem worse.
Your best bet would be to learn a set of non-traditional approaches that will influence this young lady to change herself. She will NEVER work for what her mother wants, nor will she “come to some sort of understanding” as a result of your “talk” with her – but she WILL work for what SHE wants. And I show you how this works in the eBook: www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com