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She lied to us...

Dear Mark,

Thank you for your quick response. We have a situation in our home at the moment and my husband and I have differing views on consequences for an action.

Situation: One of our 17-year-old triplet girls is very social always on the go. Last weekend she was to sleep at a friend’s with 2 other girls. She called when she arrived to let us know she was there for the night.

Yesterday she admitted to us (because she thought we were going to receive a phone call) that they went back out to pick up a friend. When they arrived at the friend's house, kids started showing up with alcohol and "barged in." They had heard that the girl's mother was out of town.

I later found out from my daughter that they stayed for the party, and spent the night at this girl's house because they had to help her clean up.

I have told my daughter that I am disappointed in her judgment. She has compromised our trust in her. We have guidelines in our house that if they ever find themselves in such a situation they are to call us and we will come a get them, no questions and no punishment.

She lied to us, stayed somewhere with no parental supervision, and would have deceived us further by not telling us if her friends mom had not said she was calling.

I feel that her punishment be a longer-term punishment (i.e., earlier curfew, call when she gets to her destination, when she leaves etc.). A much closer eye on her to let her understand that she must earn our trust back. My husband feels she should have a consequence, but says she will be away next year at college and we won't know what she is doing. I want her to learn good judgment especially since she will be away.

I would love a 3rd person's opinion. She is really a good kid, honor roll, this is only the second time we have had a punishment issue with her. I don't know how much I don't know!

Thank you

D. M.


Hi D.,

Several months ago, I received an email from a parent who had gone through the same experience. I’ll simply refer you to my response to this mother’s inquiry here:

The above is my ongoing recommendation for teens and ‘alcohol drinking episodes’.

Please stay in touch,

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