ONLINE PARENTING COACH

Mark, I have been reading your ebook, and the information in it is very good. However, my 17 yr old daughter has moved out and is now living with her 20 yr old boyfriend, whom she only met a month ago. He is on methadone and I have also learned other terrible things about him. One parent had to have a restraining order put against him because he wouldn't leave her daughter alone, and there is probably even more that I don't know about. My daughter went to his house (his parent's home) and told them she was kicked out, (she was not), and when I went there to find out what was going on and to get her to come home, she told me to f--- myself. She has never used this language on me, We don't use that language in my house. She has not been raised this way, both her father and I have tried to encourage her to do good in school, we don't let her stay out all hours, she has a curfew, and for the most part, one of us picks her up at night. I never go to be...

Dear Mark, Thank you for your quick response. We have a situation in our home at the moment and my husband and I have differing views on consequences for an action. Situation: One of our 17-year-old triplet girls is very social always on the go. Last weekend she was to sleep at a friend’s with 2 other girls. She called when she arrived to let us know she was there for the night. Yesterday she admitted to us (because she thought we were going to receive a phone call) that they went back out to pick up a friend. When they arrived at the friend's house, kids started showing up with alcohol and "barged in." They had heard that the girl's mother was out of town. I later found out from my daughter that they stayed for the party, and spent the night at this girl's house because they had to help her clean up. I have told my daughter that I am disappointed in her judgment. She has compromised our trust in her. We have guidelines in our house that if they ever fin...

Mark, Last evening our daughter who is living out of our home came home and she said she is going to write us a letter of all the things she is feeling. She tells her dad when she wants to do homework that I am always yelling at her because something else needs to be done. The last time I wanted help to clean the laundry room which she had agreed to help with but she hollers at me, mom, can't you leave me alone I’m trying to do homework. I thought ok, fair enough but when I checked later she spent all afternoon chatting to friends on the computer and little homework would have been done. When your children need computers for homework now, do you control them not being on the chatline otherwise? I always felt this was trust and now I feel betrayed. Any suggestions? She also does not want us to respond to her letter, but I feel we have a right to let her know what our feelings are on the whole situation also. ___________ Hi E. & P., Out of control kids often use “homework” as an ...

Hello... I'm a disabled parent of two adopted twin boys who are getting WAY out of my control. Are there any special parenting strategies for parents with disabilities? J.J. _____________ Hi J., In all honesty, "special parenting strategies" are not needed just because you are disabled. You may need some "non-traditional" strategies for your strong-willed, out of control boys. But this is because of their intensity -- not your disability. The strategies in the eBook will work just fine whether or not you are disabled. You need nothing special.

{In your sales letter} you have given a lot of examples of what you know doesn't work, but I am interested in a sample of what you claim does work. Can you give me an example of one of your suggestions? _____________ Hi A., Here are just a few strategies that we detail in the eBook. I’ll show you how to: 1. Issue a consequence in a way that gets your child to work with you rather than against you. 2. Learn to differentiate between your kid’s wants and needs. 3. Follow through with the consequence without “nagging” or “arguing.” 4. Deal with your out-of-control kid when he/she resists your new parenting strategies. 5. Give equal love to all your kids, but parent them differently. 6. Give only one warning -- then follow through with a consequence. 7. Foster the development of “self-reliance.” 8. Control YOUR anger as well as help your child with his/her anger. 9. Avoid your child’s guilt-trips. 10. Develop a parenting-plan that is likely to be supported by both parents – even if they...

“Our son ran after having a fight with his father ‘cause he doesn’t want rules, no curfews'. He'll be 18 in March. All he keeps saying is, 'I will NOT come home unless you agree that I will NOT be punished, and I WILL get my car back, period'. This has been going on for 3 weeks. We can't give in, but are having a hard time with the tough love. We paid for the car, insurance, and have his cell on suspension, but he thinks it's canceled. Any advice?” Click here for my advice...

Hi N., I’ve responded to each of your points below. Please look for these arrows: >>>>>>>>>> =============== Hi Mark, My daughter this evening started again as usual, this is what happened: I took her clothes up to her bedroom which I had just ironed and asked her to put them in her wardrobe, so she threw them on the floor and laughed at me and told me to get out of her room. So in anger I smacked her. She then picked up a clock and said she would throw it at my head if I didn't get out of her room. >>>>>>>>>> You are in a power struggle with your daughter, and children always win the power struggles. The Anger Management chapter will shed more light on this: http://www.myoutofcontrolteen.com/am A few minutes later she came down stairs saying she hated me she wished I were dead and wants to go to a children home. So I in turn said there is the phone ring them, but I think you will find this home is fa...

I'm not sure whether my son's learning disability is contributing to his behavior problems, or if his behavior problems are contributing to his failing grades. Any suggestions? __________ Parents are often baffled by the problems presented by a child with learning disabilities. Often this “invisible disability” does not become obvious until a child reaches school age. Even then, difficulties may be subtle. Students with learning disorders may become so frustrated with their performance in school that by adolescence they may feel like failures and want to drop out of school or may develop behavioral problems.

Do you have the same book in Spanish? Thanks __________ Yes ...since the eBook is an online book, you have the ability to turn it into Spanish. All you have to do is download the Google toolbar here: http://www.google.com/language _tools The Google tool bar instantly translates words on English web pages into the language of your choice. You can set the Google homepage, messages, and buttons to display in your selected language via their Preferences page. If you have any difficulty with this, just send me an email and I'll help you figure it all out. Mark Hutten http://www.myoutofcontrolteen .com/sl ____________________________________________________________________ ¿Tienes el mismo libro en español? Agradece __________ Sí… puesto que el eBook es un libro en línea, tienes la capacidad de darte vuelta en español. Todo lo que tienes que hacer es descargar el Google toolbar aquí: http://www.google.com/language _tools La barra de la herramienta de Google traduce inmediatame...

There tends to be lots of information on how parents can deal with Conduct Disorder, but what can we do in a school setting with students who exhibit conduct disorder? Can school settings change these behaviors without parent participation? _____________ Hi S., You absolutely right ..there's a ton of info on conduct disorder. But few - if any - authors of books that illustrate strategies to use with these children work with these families on a daily basis. Most of the info is from psychiatrists who know very few cognitive-behavioral methods for dealing with the problem. They are more focused on the medication side of things. They have a lot of theoretical knowledge, but not a lot of man-hours "in the field" (i.e., in the homes of these families). Can the techniques I illustrate work in the classroom -- even without parental participation? Absolutely. I would say that 20 to 30% of the eBook purchasers who benefit from this info are teachers. In too many cases, they ar...

Thank you for your support, I do have a question. We have a 15 year old. There is a whole story behind this, but she is difficult to control. I am a pseudo step mom so it makes it worst. I've lived with my boyfriend for 4 years but we are not married, nor do we want to get married, we're fine with our relationship the way it is. One of our problems is lately she has decided to leave obscene messages for me to find or whoever because she thinks we are reading her journal. This week she left a message stating F*** you in her bed and my house keeping found it and they were appalled. She is going to apologize to the house keeping, but I want her to understand the effect that type of language and obscenity has on people and how it hurts people. I wanted her to write a report on it and have her English teacher grade it. Do you have any other suggestions? Thanks – T. ----------------- Hi T., Having her write a report will probably not hurt anything, but it will ...

Dear Mark, Parent: We have a question. We read your response to our questions about our daughter. You commented that it would be easy to support her even though she is living away from home. How do we do this? Emotional support? >>>>>>>>>Yes ...I was referring to emotional support. >>>>>>>>>>Please hear me here: You have more power than you are giving yourself credit for. If you will shift your focus (i.e., your attitude, belief, thoughts) from what is going wrong (i.e., daughter may not make it academically, may not make it in life, etc.) to what you trust will go right , then you will literally set something in motion that will yield the desired result. >>>>>>>>>>This should be your mantra: "My daughter is more than capable ...she will do fine in whatever it is she decides to do ...she will be successful in a career ...she will be a good wife and mother ...she will continue to ...

Hi E. & P., I’ve responded to each of your points below. Please look for these arrows: >>>>>>>>>>> But first, let’s be clear on a few tenets that will be the foundation for my recommendations: 1. Our primary goal as parents should be to foster the development of self-reliance. 2. Our main strategy for fostering this development is to provide opportunities for our kids to EARN privileges. 3. We must provide no intensity when “things are going wrong” and provide a lot of intensity when “things are going right.” ================== Mark, We started using your techniques such as making our daughter earn, things such as money for gas ect. That was 1 week ago. She went to a friend’s house to house-sit for the weekend and now has stayed with them. They also think this arrangement is ok. But it is NOT ok with us. >>>>>>>>>> When parents begin to implement appropriate dis...

This question is not about my children (I don't have any) but my 16-year-old brother. Sometimes he is the nicest kid in the world, but now he is acting out and not listening to my parents. My parents are fighting about it and not getting along and I have another brother and sister who are younger and cry because C___ and mom are fighting. He does not listen and is starting to fail school. He just got his license and thinks he is invincible. My mom calls me crying all the time about it and I don't know what to do. Help!! Got help!?

My daughter turned 18 in Oct, since then, rules have been tested every step of the way. She had her teacher call, grades were slipping, I talked to her, she got loud and we argued. We have argued about curfew. We argue about her attitude, very poor. We talked about a lip pierce, I said no, and no again. She knew the rules, I said wait till she graduated. She came home late after work, said I know you're going to be mad, but I got one. I blew up. I got mad and told her that she needed to go spend the night at her older brother's house, while I cooled down. I was furious for her defying me. She stayed one night there, and moved over to her girlfriends. Haven’t heard from her in a week. She's going to school. I talked to the coach. What do I do? Do I go and force her home, do I call the cops (she's 18, I don’t think they can do anything) leave it alone, she’ll come home on her own? She won’t even talk to me. Help ________ Hi B., You’re right …the cops will not...

Hi Mark, I had a meeting with ex re: finances, but he wont pay anything. He has a new girlfriend who lives in NSW and says L___ will not stay at her high school the whole way through. I want her to. He doesn't know where he will live. Where does that leave me? It actually affected my work today. I think I need some legal advice on that matter. Can he just take her away or what? I am overeating and over-sleeping now. I believe L___ would take us to court if she could or would know about it. She has been okay during holidays. J. ___________ Hi J., I’m not sure what the laws are on this matter in your area. In my state, either parent (or both) can get custody. If the parents agree between themselves on custody, they can avoid a long and expensive court case. But if they can't agree, the judge will hear both sides and decide what's best for the child, not the parents. The judge will consider many factors such as: Which parent has been the childr...

I am a very experience tutor tutoring a thirteen-year-old who does not respond to strategies. Will this program help me? I have never worked with a child as difficult, and I am used to working with children who are difficult. I am determined to succeed. There is a stubborn refusal to attend, to try a new strategy even though he knows the strategies he has been using don't work, and an inability to carry through on completing a task. He is very intelligent and could do well; however, I am not able to reach him. Do you think this program will help him? Here's Help!

Hi M., I’ve responded to each of your comments in turn below. Please look for there arrows: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Dear Mr. Hutten, Our son is already in a mental health facility. He would have gone to a juvenile justice facility if we had not intervened and sent him to get some help. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Michael …don’t get upset with me, but I think this was a big mistake (i.e., intervening to “save” him from experiencing emotional pain associated with poor choices). This “enabled” him and will most likely come back to bite you in the hind-end. Counseling – and even placement in a mental health facility – will not give you much “bang for your buck.” He needs a painful consequence, not an expensive babysitter. He does need to be stabilized and on some form of medication for his rage, but this can be done as an out-patient. He has attacked both of us...

I am currently disabled and fighting social security. I don't have a credit card, debit etc. I would really like to join the parent support group, unless I can find one that is free. I do have to admit that I have never paid for a support group, nor have I ever charged when I ran my own support groups. But if this is what I have to do, I will. However we go back to original problem, paying. Can you accept a check through the mail? Please let me know as soon as possible. Sincerely, S.S. _____________ Hi S., Online Parent Support is much more than a support group, and there are several reasons why Online Parent Support cost members a one-time fee of $19.99. 1. Cost of advertising and keeping the website up and running 2. You get an eBook 3. You have access to my lectures (live audio recording of my parent group) 4. You have access to all the videos and power point presentations shown during the parent group 5. You have access to 44 additional ebooks -- ...

Alcohol and drugs are a growing danger to our countries young people. The number one cause of car accidents involving teenagers is substance abuse. LEARN MORE

I have a 17-year-old girl who is hanging out with a bad group of kids. She was charged with curfew violation and drinking under the age of 21 20 days ago. I have read your ebook and I thought that maybe things were improving, but last night we let her go out and she was supposed to be home between 11:30 and 12:00. We got a call from the police at 12:00 to come and get her. She had 2 15-year-olds in her truck and there was evidence of alcohol and some pot seeds and stems in her truck. She was again charged with curfew violation and she apparently told the police officer that she would rather be dead. The police officer told my husband that she is hanging out with a really bad crowd. What can I do? My husband and I were talking this morning trying to figure out what has went wrong. Should we move her to a different school? How do we make her stay away from these kids? We both work and this is my very busy time of the year. Please help or give your suggestions. ...

Have you had trouble sleeping lately? Suffer from headaches, stomachaches, or heartburn? Or do you seem to develop one cold after another? Perhaps that's your body's way of reacting to too much stress. Stress is a normal part of life, but working parents with out-of-control teenagers have more than their share. You need to be sure that the stress in your life doesn't adversely affect your health. If you cant fight or flee, learn how to flow. Get Yourself De-Stressed

I was looking for some help with a girl I know. Basically she is a family friend's 13-year-old daughter and is out of control. She doesn’t have any respect for her mum at all, and I don’t think she has any respect for herself. She drinks, smoke, takes drugs regularly, skips school so much that her mum is now faced with a £1000 fine or a month in jail, and I know that she tried self harm once and she has just been told she is suffering form alopetia (hair falling out usually die to stress). My problem is that I have been asked to speak to the girl as her mum is running out of ideas. I’m unsure what to say to the girl. I’m assuming there is a reason for her behaviour (possibly because her mum and dad have been separated since she was young). But I don’t know if I should look for the reason or ask her to change her behaviour (which seems unlikely) or something else? Any ideas on a good starting point ...even how to get her into the conversation as she will either become very d...

We purchased your eBook. The beginning of the book says that ‘things will initially get worse’. Our son is already willing to physically attack us, and we are concerned that the initial period might cause serious damage. Can you help? ______________________ Michael, This is where you are going to have to muster up some tuff. Stick to your guns. Use the strategies just as they are intended. And SHOW NO FEAR! If you feel afraid, "act as if" you are not afraid. If your son knows you are intimidated, he will continue to "rule the roost." If he lays a hand on you, you should immediately call the police and have him arrested. This is not a game. Tough circumstances call for tough measures. You should not have to "live in fear" that issuing a consequence will result in domestic battery. If it gets worse before it gets better (and it sounds like it will), this is a good thing. Think of it as "labor before birth." There will be some emotional ...

Our son is in a long-term mental health facility. We do not know where to turn for advice. His therapist is recommending that we put him into a group home. She does not believe that the treatment he is receiving will have any affect on our family life and that he will never be able to return home. This is frustrating because he is there to get help for his aggression and depression. He feels unloved and we wonder if she is helping him feel that way. Why are we paying these people to help our son when their answer is that there is no hope? We don't know who we should contact or what we can do to help our son and ourselves. We want to be a happy family, but they don't seem to share that goal. We will be visiting him on the 23rd of this month. Can you offer us any guidance on this? Thank you for your support. We look forward to hearing from you soon. M. & D. ______________ Hi M. & D., My day job involves working with teens/pre-teens and their parent...

The younger boy is the kid who is acting out. He's lunging at his older brother and the fight ensues. This boy is also smoking pot, has talked about trying LSD, throws things, ditches school, cussing, has kicked opened my car door so hard then slammed it so hard that the door doesn't close right anymore, etc. He has even stuck me in the arm. I'm at the point where the consequence is calling the police, which I don't want to do. When I've sat down to talk to him, red flags started popping up. I want to get him counseling and anger management help. I don't know where to start. How do I find the kind of help he needs? _____________ Putting out small fires is about 99.99% easier than putting out larger ones. When the fire is as big as you have described, you must have some outside assistance. Calling the police will have little benefit. Out of control kids love intensity, and calling the police will reward his negative behavior. You'll need to go to your l...