>>>>>>>>>> Hi J. …I’ve responded where you see these arrows.
My son recently got suspended from school and is going back on Tuesday after 9 days. They are not going to put him in the general population because "in anger" he said to a friend "I could find her house and rape her if I wanted to." He is 13 and really had no idea what that meant but heard it on America's Most Wanted so he figured saying that would get her to stay away from him. This of course happened right after the VT shooting so that didn't help matters.
Luckily, I had just changed him from an LD IEP to and ED IEP to address his ODD and severe depressive disorder and social communication disorder that was diagnosed by his psychiatrist. They opted to not expel him but we got him into intensive individual counseling right away so we can maybe head off any other incidents.
>>>>>>>>>> Counseling is a traditional parenting strategy, which will have little or no benefit.
This is the first time he did something like this in school, so my husband and I have been wondering if this is a reaction to hearing the IEP accommodations listed out for him and then unconsciously testing his boundaries? We are also concerned that his obsession with girls (which is natural for most 13 y.o. but extreme in him) is going to get him in further trouble because he just does not understand social quos or personal and verbal boundaries when it comes to peers. He has only been openly defiant with a teacher once and that happened two weeks before this incident.
I am venting as you can probably tell. I just want to know if there is hope that with continued medical and psychological intervention we can turn this kid around, or is this a sign that his behavior is only going to get worse?
>>>>>>>>>> It will get worse if you don’t hunker down and implement the strategies in the eBook. If you are diligent with these strategies, his behavior is likely to improve.
He is on meds and for the most part does well at home but anytime there is a significant shift in the family dynamic, such as my husband and I going on vacation for 5 days without the kids or my older son getting a job and a car, we have a significant outburst with him.
I forgot to say that he got suspended from the bus for a belligerent comment, in the bus driver’s presence, in February the day before we left on our first vacation alone in 3 years. Has he just become a master at manipulating his environment to focus the attention on him or is he incapable of doing this on purpose?
>>>>>>>>>>> Yes …he is doing this on purpose – to get your intensity (I talk about ‘intensity-seeking’ a lot in the eBook).
Do we forgive some of this because he truly can't help it or do we just continue to be persistent with the discipline, consequences, and choosing our battles, then just hope and pray we win the war without losing our minds?
>>>>>>>>>> Be persistent. He’s not going to work for what YOU want, but he’ll work for what HE wants (this too is covered heavily in the eBook).
The Strong-Willed Out-of-Control Teen
The standard disciplinary techniques that are recommended for “typical” teenagers do not take into account the many issues facing teens with serious behavioral problems. Disrespect, anger, violent rages, self-injury, running away from home, school failure, hanging-out with the wrong crowd, drug abuse, theft, and legal problems are just some of the behaviors that parents of defiant teens will have to learn to control.
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