She was picked up by the police...

Mark- We are beside ourselves. Our daughter, and I am a stepmother to her, so she doesn't feel that I have a place in her life except that I am married to her dad. She lives with us. Although she hates coming home because it is so far away from her friends. She takes off, has her friends pick her up from here even when we tell her she is a "runaway". She stays out at friends' homes for days without telling us where she is. Her favorite saying is "f... y..". She is disrespectful to her dad. 


She was picked up by the police this weekend because she was in a car with a friend who had a gun and drugs. We don't know what to do with her. We are considering sending her to a camp for troubled teens. Can you please provide us with some advise? If we say white, she says black. If we say left, she says right. It doesn't matter what our approach is, she always contradicts it. We are definitely in trouble here and need advise. We believe she is on the wrong road and fear for her. We have taken away her car and driving privileges until she can prove to us she is responsible. She is getting A's and B's in school and attending school. She is a good kid, but headed in a very bad way with the wrong crowd. Let us know how we can approach her positively. THANK YOU. A. & P. 




If she is running away periodically - for days at a time - and running with peers who possess guns and drugs, then you should go to your local juvenile probation department and file a complaint. Once on probation, she will be referred to services that her probation officer deems appropriate (e.g., home-based counseling, anger management classes, etc.). 


 I’m concerned that it has come to the point where you need some outside assistance – otherwise, you’ll continue to spin your wheels and make no headway. I’m guessing that you and your husband will either choose to involve her in the juvenile justice system now, or she will become involved later by default. 


I’d rather she experience some mild, short-term pain now (in the form of probation) rather than a lot of major, long-term pain later. You’ll want to start using the strategies in the eBook too, because she won’t be on probation forever. And you won’t want to start all over again once probation closes her case. 




==> Effective Disciplinary Techniques for Defiant Teens and Preteens 

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