ONLINE PARENTING COACH

Mark, My 17 year old daughter who, up until now has been an absolute delight to raise, has become friends with a group of "undesirables". She and I have done nothing but argue since she became friends with them and as a consequence she packed her bags and went to her grandmothers to live for a week. She is playing the "I can do what I want when I want" game very well as she has her licence and her own car. As soon as she gets home from work she is in that car, hanging around the streets with these people (who don’t work and have nothing better to do). No need to tell you most of them are from a family of parents who care little about their children or have no control over what they do and where they go. Whilst she is not actually doing anything illegal I cannot seem to get through to her that she will get the reputation of the people she is hanging with. The group has been in trouble with the police on more than one occasion on vandalism, petty theft, minor tr...

Have you heard anything about HEG? D.Z. __________________ Yes ... hemoencephalography (HEG) biofeedback is similar to electroencephalogram (EEG) biofeedback in that it is a drugless treatment for several conditions (e.g., ADD/ADHD, autistic disorders, mood disorders, etc.). HEG biofeedback does not involve electrodes like EEG biofeedback does. Instead, special infrared optical biosensors are used. HEG training occurs while the patient watches a video (of her/his choice). The goal is for the patient to learn to self-regulate the brain's frontal lobe activation (just as with EEG biofeedback). There's some debate regarding whether EEG is a more or less effective treatment than HEG biofeedback. Mark 

Hi Mark, I just wanted to say thank you so much for putting up with those of us who do a lot of whining. When I first emailed you, I said, "It's not working." Then you email back and said, "What's 'it'." Then I said, "The program." Then you said something and I was so pissed -- you said, "If the program is not working, it's because you are not working the program." After I stopped feeling sorry for myself, I realized I had "half-ass-ed" it ...I had skimmed over the material, didn't listen to the lecture portions, didn't really invest the time or energy to do this thing right -- my bad! I went back to the blackboard and read everything ...listened to everything, and started getting busy. Now, I'm happy to say that I am really making good progress. I guess I just wanted to take shortcuts. As you said "there can be no half-measures ...half measures will be the kiss of failure." Thanks again for you...

"How do I get my teenage son (rather defiant) to study?" Here's some pointers: 1. Don't do the assignments yourself. It's not your homework—it's your child's. 2. Help your child to make a schedule and put it in a place where you'll see it often. Writing out assignments will get him used to the idea of keeping track of what's due and when. 3. Provide a book bag or backpack for your child to carry homework to and from school. 4. Provide homework folders in which your child can tuck his assignments for safekeeping. This will help him to stay organized. 5. Help your child manage time to complete assignments. For example, if your eighth grader has a biology report due in three weeks, discuss all the steps she needs to take to complete it on time, including: selecting a topic doing the research by looking up books and other materials on the topic and taking notes figuring out what questions to discuss drafting an outline ...

Mark, Thank you for your support on the children. I am one who purchased your book for my sister-in-law who has an OOCT to say the least. I have tried to support her, but avoid family feud and need some help. If I need to purchase another book/license, that will be fine with me since it is 2 users you are supporting. My sister-in-law's daughter will be 17 in November. She’s lower on developmental and social areas and quit school 3 years ago due to nobody being able to deal with her. Her mother (R) took her out of school and stated she would Home-school her, which never happened since her daughter will just not do anything. R has to work and some of us have tried to help her out such as my other sister-in-law trying to work with her on Home school material (when it was finally purchased after a year). I enrolled her (with teens & R's agreement) in a Kumon program, and my mother-in-law has tried too. What happens? Every time it seems to start working the teen goes into a fit...

===================================================================================== "My Out-of-Control Teen" eBook is the #1 best selling parenting ebook in ClickBank . www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com is ranked #1 in MSN and #2 in Yahoo for parenting "out of control" teens.

 ==> www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com - Discipline that works for defiant teens!

Hi A., I’ve made some comments below. Please look for the arrows: >>>>>>>>>>> I have a 14 year old son with ODD. I need advice on step one of lesson one of your parenting program (apologizing, preparing him for change). I have tried this approach with him in the past. It causes him to go into an all out episode that tends to last for a month. He feels it gives him permission to blame everything on us. >>>>>>>>>>> Just omit the apology part. Include all the rest, because he deserves to know that some parenting changes are coming; he needs a “heads-up” on this. He says were just lying because he knows that we don't believe what we're saying, even though HE knows we ARE to blame. It does not get him to admit that he is even part of the problem. And like I stated, this goes on for about a month. >>>>>>>>>> The strategy does not include ‘getting him to admit his part.’ So, my questions a...

My 16 yr old daughter rec'd F's and we are not allowing her to get her drivers license until her grades are c or better. Are we doing the right thing? _________________ Hi L., Re: poor academic performance, please go to www.myoutofcontrolteen.com/q-a and read this email from a parent: "My son brings home straight F's on his report cards. I ground him for the entire grading period, but he continues to fail in nearly all subjects. I know my son is a bright kid and can do the work when he wants to. What can I do to motivate him?" -- B. R. Re: withholding her driver’s license, please review the following page: www.myoutofcontrolteen.com/rely Given that we as parents want to (a) get out of the business of playing teacher, dean, vice-principal, etc., and (b) foster the development of self-reliance, the answer to your question is “no” – parents are not doing the right thing by not allowing a teenager to get her driver’s license. Whenever you are undecided about wha...

My wife and I have a 16-year-old daughter that we "discovered" was sneaking out of the house at night, partying etc. Once we confronted her, she and a neighbor girl ran away for about a day and a half. Since then she has been to 6-8 counseling sessions with no immediate results. We found you site and put your suggestions into practice now for about two weeks. She became very angry at first, but as privileges were taken away, she backed down some. My question is how do you know when it is over the top? If she threatens to run away again do we immediately call the police? We are just wondering what to do if it ever escalates to that level again. Ironically she is a very good student 3.7 GPA despite sneaking out a couple times a week on weeknight. _________ >>>>>>>>>>>How do you know when it is over the top? Well …make sure you are not grounding or taking away privileges for too long – more on this here: www.myoutofcontrolteen.com (see “...

"I know there are lots of changes going on and my daughter is going to react, but I need some support on another issue. She asked this morning if her friend could come over after school (chores had been done) so I said yes, but asked her to please call me and let me know if her friend was coming or not this afternoon (it was kinda up in the air awaiting approval from the other child's parents). My daughter called, as I requested, but left a vm on my work phone saying this: "Hi Mom, Mallory is coming over, I hate you, Goodbye." This for some reason annoys me to no end. I have no idea why, but I'm both infuriated and want to cry. Do I address it or not ... and if so, how?" Click here for the answer...

OK, I ordered your book, read some of it by skipping around for now, hoping for an answer to help get me started and so far I have tried all that I have been reading. My most desperate question involves my son leaving mad, staying out all night or days at a time and not contacting me so I know where he is or whom he is with. I started out with grounding him to the house, which didn't work as he comes and goes, when I am not home, as he pleases. He went so far as to skip school one day having a "female friend"over and then lied about not going to school. He told me if I didn't ask him questions he wouldn't have to lie to me. I have recently taken his house key and he still left then came back the following evening at knocking on the door because it was locked. I set his book bag outside and told him was not getting in. He responded with "you knew where I was" and I chose not to respond back so he left. I hated doing this but he is constantly leavi...

Hello Mark, Just curious if you have any knowledge about Neurofeedback, EEG and HEG and it's effectiveness. Thanks! D.Z. _________________ Hi D., I do know that Neurofeedback can train the ADHD kid to alter his brain functioning so that he daydreams less and pays attention more (through the use of special software and computer enhanced techniques which allow him to monitor his progress in a videogame format). One of my adolescent clients who tried this couldn't sit still for his Neurofeedback sessions at first. After about the third session he began to enjoy the sessions. By about his tenth session he was more attentive at home and less oppositional. Within six-months his reading and math scores had progressed one grade level. He continues to make grade-appropriate progress in school, but does have occasional setbacks. He goes back periodically for booster sessions. So Neurofeedback is a cool adjunct to the implementation of appropriate parenting strategies for ODD ki...

My child has been removed from the home at this time for approximately 3 to 6 months. He was charged with assault on me for the second time. I asked for some mental evaluations to be done to see if he could get counseling rather than go into state custody and foster care or reform school. So he will be returning home, and I do have to complete some counseling participation myself. Is this program in any way board certified or recognized by the law or state? If you would send me any information you have on that I would appreciate it. Thank you, B. ______________________ Online Parent Support is not certified by any board; however, there are occasions when the Judge has court-ordered a parent to complete the program. I can provide you with a ‘certificate of completion’ in the case where you would be permitted to use our services.

Hi Mark, I have wanted to contact you sooner but time has slipped away. I have received your material and have released control of my son's school issues. They are now his responsibility - his grades that is - not his behavior. He has been grounded since November - the 1st report card ~ even though he was told he would get his privileges back if his progress report showed improvement ~ when the progress report came the grades were still the same. He made no effort. Finally after a constant tense household ~ several conversations - talks about his future and how his grades will effect him ~ calm talks ~ screaming matches~ crying and all of those adjectives I have missed ~ I finally let go. I took your advice and let him become responsible for his schoolwork. From that moment forward I would not email the teachers, make excuses or try to get extra credit to bring up his grade ~ it was now his responsibility. Now it is a new card marking and he is showing effort. I have not asked h...

I’ve responded to your email below. Please look for these arrows below >>>>>>>>>>> _____________________________________________________________________________________ Good Morning, Thank you for responding to my last set of questions so quickly. I'm a single parent and the guidance and support is greatly appreciated and needed! So ... we got through the first 3 day punishment. Things seem to be getting better, daughter had a better attitude for a few days, etc. >>>>>>>>> You may want to review "When You Want Something From Your Kid" (in the Anger Management chapter of the online version). >>>>>>>> step 1: Pick the least restrictive consequence first (e.g., ground for one day with no computer). >>>>>>>>>step 2 (if needed): If she doesn't accept this discipline (i.e., she gets on the computer anyway, or leaves the house), then take everything away (or at...

Today's public school system is poorly equipped to handle out of control teenagers. Many teachers will tell you they are afraid of some students. Often times, parents turn to military schools as an option to discipline and educate their out of control teenagers. Military schools, which seemed headed for extinction in the late 1960s and early '70s, have seen enrollments increase steadily in recent years. Many military schools are jammed to capacity and sport long waiting lists, as anxious parents scramble for slots. 

My 16-year-old daughter will not go to school. I ordered and read your online book last night. She came to me this morning and told me she would not be going to school tomorrow and I told her I would not argue with her about it anymore. If she didn't go to school tomorrow, she would not be able to talk on the phone or use the computer to communicate with anyone. She said fine. I told her the three-day restriction would continue every three days until she goes to school. My only fear is that I am going to get in trouble for not sending her to school. Do you think she will finally give in? She is a very strong-willed child. She has been diagnosed with ODD, OCD, ADHD and is supposed to be taking anti-depressants. She refuses to take any medication. Give me your thoughts, please. T.W. _____________ Hi T., Re: getting her to take her meds. Pick your battles carefully. I would let go of this one. If she were bipolar, she wouldn’t be able to neglect her meds, but with odd/ocd/...

I have read through all your information. I feel inspired. My 14 year old son has anger rages when things do not go his way. He says he wants to help himself but he doesn't know how. Your information is wonderful in how to help us parents but how can he help himself? ______________ Hi W., When your son feels better about himself, he will begin to help himself. Your child is like a computer, and you are the computer programmer. He takes your disapproval/criticism as instruction. For example, if the parent says to the child, “You’re such a slob,” the criticism downloads in the child’s unconscious mind as “I am a slob” and he ‘acts-out’ the criticism as if it were instruction to be sloppy. The good news is that your son takes your compliments and encouragement as instruction as well. For example, the parent’s compliment, “You do such a great job of not blowing-up when your younger brother annoys you” downloads in the child’s unconscious mind as “I am in control of my strong emotion...

Hello, We just received your book and are desperately trying to stay non emotional. Although, our daughter is angry over losing her cell phone for using horrid profanity, calling us names. She begins to thrown things at us, and kicks the walls. What should our response be when she is being destructive to our home? Thanks, T. ________________ Hi T., Tell her that the next time she chooses to call people names, throw things, kick, etc., she will choose the consequence, which will be grounding for 3 days with no privileges (no phone, T.V., games, etc.). If she does any of the above, follow through with the consequence. Please refer to this page for more instruction: Anger Management

  Hi M., I’ve responded to each of your points below.  Please look for these arrows: >>>>>>>>>>> ======================== Hi Mark, First -- I spoke with you a few days ago about my out-of-control son who is 8 (almost 9). Thank you so much for your time and counsel -- we have now been implementing the techniques for saying "yes" and "no" for about 4 days and are having interesting results. The first 2 days were great. My son was stunned by the approach and, as you predicted, he tried every trick to get us to cave. He went to his room when "grounded" for a period of time and calmed down. Now, however, he is frustrated with how things are going and demanding that we stop the stupidity. Last night in the midst of a tantrum he even screamed at me "Why don't you just yell instead!" Needless to say my response we "I'm not going to argue." You can imagine his rage... Anyway, here are c...

"My situation is this... We live in rural small town USA. My son does not have even one neighborhood friend that he hangs out with. He comes home everyday from school, eats a bunch of food and goes to his room to read or nap or whatever to keep away from the family. And if he is out with the family, he is bossing everyone around, bullying his little sister, etc. It's a real treat, let me tell ya. Besides the "grounding thing" being difficult (because there isn't much to ground from) ...since our ipod ordeal last Saturday, he has NOT spoken a word to anyone since then. He is unbelievably stubborn. I even told him on Wed. that if he wanted his cell phone back, all he had to do is say "please". No response. He won't crack. I've tried talking to him in his room ...he tells me "get out!!" He doesn't even look me in the face. My sister says he needs an "exorcism". I'm not entirely sure she is wrong. HELP ME!! P...

  How much longer will you tolerate dishonesty and disrespect? How many more temper tantrums and arguments will you endure? Have you wasted a lot of time and energy trying to make your child change? If so, then this may be the most important article you'll ever read. Click here for full article...

Mark, I have been reading your ebook, and the information in it is very good. However, my 17 yr old daughter has moved out and is now living with her 20 yr old boyfriend, whom she only met a month ago. He is on methadone and I have also learned other terrible things about him. One parent had to have a restraining order put against him because he wouldn't leave her daughter alone, and there is probably even more that I don't know about. My daughter went to his house (his parent's home) and told them she was kicked out, (she was not), and when I went there to find out what was going on and to get her to come home, she told me to f--- myself. She has never used this language on me, We don't use that language in my house. She has not been raised this way, both her father and I have tried to encourage her to do good in school, we don't let her stay out all hours, she has a curfew, and for the most part, one of us picks her up at night. I never go to be...

Dear Mark, Thank you for your quick response. We have a situation in our home at the moment and my husband and I have differing views on consequences for an action. Situation: One of our 17-year-old triplet girls is very social always on the go. Last weekend she was to sleep at a friend’s with 2 other girls. She called when she arrived to let us know she was there for the night. Yesterday she admitted to us (because she thought we were going to receive a phone call) that they went back out to pick up a friend. When they arrived at the friend's house, kids started showing up with alcohol and "barged in." They had heard that the girl's mother was out of town. I later found out from my daughter that they stayed for the party, and spent the night at this girl's house because they had to help her clean up. I have told my daughter that I am disappointed in her judgment. She has compromised our trust in her. We have guidelines in our house that if they ever fin...

Mark, Last evening our daughter who is living out of our home came home and she said she is going to write us a letter of all the things she is feeling. She tells her dad when she wants to do homework that I am always yelling at her because something else needs to be done. The last time I wanted help to clean the laundry room which she had agreed to help with but she hollers at me, mom, can't you leave me alone I’m trying to do homework. I thought ok, fair enough but when I checked later she spent all afternoon chatting to friends on the computer and little homework would have been done. When your children need computers for homework now, do you control them not being on the chatline otherwise? I always felt this was trust and now I feel betrayed. Any suggestions? She also does not want us to respond to her letter, but I feel we have a right to let her know what our feelings are on the whole situation also. ___________ Hi E. & P., Out of control kids often use “homework” as an ...

Hello... I'm a disabled parent of two adopted twin boys who are getting WAY out of my control. Are there any special parenting strategies for parents with disabilities? J.J. _____________ Hi J., In all honesty, "special parenting strategies" are not needed just because you are disabled. You may need some "non-traditional" strategies for your strong-willed, out of control boys. But this is because of their intensity -- not your disability. The strategies in the eBook will work just fine whether or not you are disabled. You need nothing special.

{In your sales letter} you have given a lot of examples of what you know doesn't work, but I am interested in a sample of what you claim does work. Can you give me an example of one of your suggestions? _____________ Hi A., Here are just a few strategies that we detail in the eBook. I’ll show you how to: 1. Issue a consequence in a way that gets your child to work with you rather than against you. 2. Learn to differentiate between your kid’s wants and needs. 3. Follow through with the consequence without “nagging” or “arguing.” 4. Deal with your out-of-control kid when he/she resists your new parenting strategies. 5. Give equal love to all your kids, but parent them differently. 6. Give only one warning -- then follow through with a consequence. 7. Foster the development of “self-reliance.” 8. Control YOUR anger as well as help your child with his/her anger. 9. Avoid your child’s guilt-trips. 10. Develop a parenting-plan that is likely to be supported by both parents – even if they...

“Our son ran after having a fight with his father ‘cause he doesn’t want rules, no curfews'. He'll be 18 in March. All he keeps saying is, 'I will NOT come home unless you agree that I will NOT be punished, and I WILL get my car back, period'. This has been going on for 3 weeks. We can't give in, but are having a hard time with the tough love. We paid for the car, insurance, and have his cell on suspension, but he thinks it's canceled. Any advice?” Click here for my advice...

Hi N., I’ve responded to each of your points below. Please look for these arrows: >>>>>>>>>> =============== Hi Mark, My daughter this evening started again as usual, this is what happened: I took her clothes up to her bedroom which I had just ironed and asked her to put them in her wardrobe, so she threw them on the floor and laughed at me and told me to get out of her room. So in anger I smacked her. She then picked up a clock and said she would throw it at my head if I didn't get out of her room. >>>>>>>>>> You are in a power struggle with your daughter, and children always win the power struggles. The Anger Management chapter will shed more light on this: http://www.myoutofcontrolteen.com/am A few minutes later she came down stairs saying she hated me she wished I were dead and wants to go to a children home. So I in turn said there is the phone ring them, but I think you will find this home is fa...

I'm not sure whether my son's learning disability is contributing to his behavior problems, or if his behavior problems are contributing to his failing grades. Any suggestions? __________ Parents are often baffled by the problems presented by a child with learning disabilities. Often this “invisible disability” does not become obvious until a child reaches school age. Even then, difficulties may be subtle. Students with learning disorders may become so frustrated with their performance in school that by adolescence they may feel like failures and want to drop out of school or may develop behavioral problems.

Do you have the same book in Spanish? Thanks __________ Yes ...since the eBook is an online book, you have the ability to turn it into Spanish. All you have to do is download the Google toolbar here: http://www.google.com/language _tools The Google tool bar instantly translates words on English web pages into the language of your choice. You can set the Google homepage, messages, and buttons to display in your selected language via their Preferences page. If you have any difficulty with this, just send me an email and I'll help you figure it all out. Mark Hutten http://www.myoutofcontrolteen .com/sl ____________________________________________________________________ ¿Tienes el mismo libro en español? Agradece __________ Sí… puesto que el eBook es un libro en línea, tienes la capacidad de darte vuelta en español. Todo lo que tienes que hacer es descargar el Google toolbar aquí: http://www.google.com/language _tools La barra de la herramienta de Google traduce inmediatame...

There tends to be lots of information on how parents can deal with Conduct Disorder, but what can we do in a school setting with students who exhibit conduct disorder? Can school settings change these behaviors without parent participation? _____________ Hi S., You absolutely right ..there's a ton of info on conduct disorder. But few - if any - authors of books that illustrate strategies to use with these children work with these families on a daily basis. Most of the info is from psychiatrists who know very few cognitive-behavioral methods for dealing with the problem. They are more focused on the medication side of things. They have a lot of theoretical knowledge, but not a lot of man-hours "in the field" (i.e., in the homes of these families). Can the techniques I illustrate work in the classroom -- even without parental participation? Absolutely. I would say that 20 to 30% of the eBook purchasers who benefit from this info are teachers. In too many cases, they ar...

Thank you for your support, I do have a question. We have a 15 year old. There is a whole story behind this, but she is difficult to control. I am a pseudo step mom so it makes it worst. I've lived with my boyfriend for 4 years but we are not married, nor do we want to get married, we're fine with our relationship the way it is. One of our problems is lately she has decided to leave obscene messages for me to find or whoever because she thinks we are reading her journal. This week she left a message stating F*** you in her bed and my house keeping found it and they were appalled. She is going to apologize to the house keeping, but I want her to understand the effect that type of language and obscenity has on people and how it hurts people. I wanted her to write a report on it and have her English teacher grade it. Do you have any other suggestions? Thanks – T. ----------------- Hi T., Having her write a report will probably not hurt anything, but it will ...