I have however printed out the age appropriate behaviour/chore charts from the e-book and we are in the process of tailoring them to our household. I have one for our 9 yr old as well for fairness. I wanted to wait until C___ was home so that both S___ (his step dad) and I could talk to him together. I didn’t want to do it on the phone because C___ can, does and will play me at any given opportunity.
Before he left we told him that we would be changing the house around to accommodate for our growing family. C___ was previously staying in our sunroom, a huge room with access to the balcony. I know, I know.....he used it to full advantage....smoking outside....friends coming in the backdoor etc. We needed his old room for the baby because of its proximity to our room....anyway he will be going back to his old room.(and losing his teenage retreat!). In his absence we have converted the sunroom to a kids play/media room, with C___’s bed in there as a spare. We packed his things and they are in storage in the garage. I know that may sound harsh but we have been through this many times. It was cathartic for me to get in there and CLEAN IT OUT.
I guess what I'm asking is, was I wrong to store his things and convert his room? And do you think we are doomed to failure because I didn’t tell him immediately about our expectations of him, and wanted to show him a united front with his step dad. He has been very successful in the last 7 years at playing us off against each other, (well, playing me off against anyone that gets in his way really). Our plan was to tell him (together!) he is more than welcome to stay in the "spare" room initially and if he is willing to play by the rules, as setout in the above mentioned behaviour/chore chart, we will make up his old room for him.
I also am not allowing tv/games in bedrooms anymore, for the fact that he feels it is his right for the girlfriend to watch movies in there and they just happen to fall asleep. YEAH RIGHT. That will go down a treat. I am expecting loud vocal resistance to this, and many other things but as I said before, we are adamant to retain the peace in our home that has come about since he has gone, and I am prepared to tell him to go if he won’t tow the line.
I should have confidence in my decisions but I have never raised a teenager before, and especially one with Conduct Disorder. I guess I just need to know that our above decisions are ok? Or do you still think we will get punked?
Re: ...was I wrong to store his things and convert his room, and do you think we are doomed to failure because I didn’t tell him immediately about our expectations of him, and wanted to show him a united front with his step dad?
>>>>> No, you were not wrong ...and no, you are not doomed.
Re: ...do you still think we will get punked?
>>>>> I predict that, if you stick to your guns, things will get worse for a short period of time (10 - 30 days), then you will begin to see some significant and positive behavioral changes in your son.
I'm glad you have a united front ...this is terribly important.
State the expectations and the consequences for violating the expectations. If he chooses to violate a house rule, follow through with the consequence. If he refuses to accept the consequence and is adamant about operating under his own rules, then you should remove him from the home.
The Strong-Willed Out-of-Control Teen
The standard disciplinary techniques that are recommended for “typical” teenagers do not take into account the many issues facing teens with serious behavioral problems. Disrespect, anger, violent rages, self-injury, running away from home, school failure, hanging-out with the wrong crowd, drug abuse, theft, and legal problems are just some of the behaviors that parents of defiant teens will have to learn to control.
Click here for the full article...
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