ONLINE PARENTING COACH

Please look for my responses where you see these arrows: ==> Dear Mr. Hutten: I would like to speak with you on the phone. To be worth doing at all it will entail some time commitment (say an hour minimum). Are you willing to do this? Would you be willing to make a phone date so I will be sure to have the time free? During school hours is best. ==> Due to the sheer volume of OPS members I respond to on a daily basis, it would be best to communicate via email. I have had a lot of success using NVC (non-violent communication) and imagine your program could be integrated into what I already do. The family situation is difficult legally and every other way. You may think you've heard it all but I bet this one has a few new kinks. Actually the child's behavior is not all that bad compared to what I'm reading from other parents. I've done a not bad job I think under extraordinarily bad circumstances. The biggest mistake I' made was not to sue for guardianship...

Dear Mr. Hutten: I have read most of your book today. I am almost done, but am quite confused regarding my own personal situation. I know I sent you that long email, but please remember these facts, as they are much harder for me than you realize. I am not trying to say that no one knows what they are talking about, I want you to realize that I need exact instructions on how to deal with my son AT THE POINT WE HAVE REACHED. My husband is gone for days at a time, and my son and I have an very very estranged relationship. If I even asked him to do a chore, to tried to impose a curfew or told him no to anything, he knows he can hang over my head the act of busting up my house. He would just say "F_ _ _ _ you B _ _ _ _ _, make me", grab his keys and walk out, doing whatever he wants. He just literally stands there and says "No." How do I converse with someone like that? He scares me, has hit me once about 5 years ago, and is now 6'1" and a brown belt....

Mr. Hutten: I purchased your book, but am worried about something. Correct me if I am wrong: I cannot effectively do this if my husband doesn't right? Also, how am I to pull this off every time my pilot husband leaves town? This will be hard, won't it? ````````````````````````````````` While it's true that it will be exceedingly difficult to implement these strategies if your husband is working in the opposite direction from you, I find that - even in worse case scenarios - spouses can find at least a few areas they agree on. Rarely is the case that husband and wife are 100% diametrically opposed on ALL decision-making opportunities about their kids. A weaker plan supported by both parents is much, much better than a strong plan supported by only one. Mark Online Parent Support

Hello Mark, I have serious problem with my son and his breaking our family rules. This story sounds like a great plan; however our son is able to stay the course for three days and then start all over again, hence the weekend begins. Over the Thanksgiving holiday he stayed out all night and then came home and we took all his privileges away. He told his father that he understood his punishment and within 2 hours proceeded to walk out the door. He also tells us that if we put our hands on him he will call the police. Now we know that we can restrain him but this is a no win situation. We cannot watch over him 24 hours a day. We already went down that road a year and a half ago. When he ran off for 5 days at the age of 13 we were told that a wilderness trip and boarding school was the answer. After being gone for over a year he came back and seems to be worse. He has been in counseling and everyone who has ever encountered him says the same thing; he is an edgy kid who likes...

"Mark, How would your program work for an 19 year old who keeps leaving home and who isn’t motivated to work or go to college. He graduated last year and since then has been rebelling. He hasn’t spent time with his dad in months. We have always had a 50/50 custody."   ANSWER: It will work the same as it does for a 16 year old. Don't change anything.  The latest parenting challenge is dealing with emerging adults who have no intention of leaving the nest. Many 19- to 29-year-olds either return home after college or they've never even left home. The media refers to them as "Boomerang Kids." Parents are worried that their kids won't leave home. This new phenomenon is highlighted in the movie Failure to Launch. Matthew McConaughey plays Tripp, 30-something bachelor whose parents want him out of the house. They've hired Paula (Sarah Jessica Parker), an interventionist, to help him move out. Paula has a track record of successfully boosting men's ...

How do parents who are divorced work together and stay consistent? My ex and I are equally worried and upset with our 17yr old boy. We however, have very different parenting styles. I'm more into boundaries and keeping the lines of communication open. My ex lets our son run the show. I cannot tell my ex what to do or how to handle situations because he doesn't like anyone doing this, especially his ex. He takes everything very personally.    Click here for the answer...

Hi Mark, I’ve quickly reviewed your program and I think it will help. My youngest (16) boy is not really that far out of control. My older boy (19) is just great. Both are extremely smart and do great in school. Snag with youngest is mostly on the disrespect side. Which of course leads to lots of communication problems. We’re kind of at the “we love him but sure don’t like him” stage. Pretty sure his problems stem from my wife developing serious illness and almost dying when he was only in grade 5. She’s now stable but some limited functionality. We need to reverse what’s going on, otherwise I can see me booting him out in the future. So we will follow your plan and see if it will help, D. Online Parent Support

My name is D___ i have an 11 year old son with ODD. My husband and i are a our wit ends and don't know what to do with him or where to turn he gets worse every day at home and school he got straight f's across the board in school and no one wants to sit next to him . the teachers don't know what to do with him and i don't know what to say to try to even help them help him. Here's my question is there any other way to get your book, like at the library or something i don't have any credit cards and i don't think i could get one if i tried at this point . but so far your site seems to be the only one that understands what we are going threw and we need help desperately ............thank you D___ ``````````````` Hi D., You can pay by check if you want. Click Here for more info. I really want you to get this material as soon as possible. Mark

Hey Mark, I downloaded my printable version of your book yesterday. Uhhh...I couldn't print it out cuz my printer was out of ink!!! This is just a teensy weensy setback, which will be remedied today. I spent a bit of time reading the first part of the book. I've gotta say - I'm impressed! Just from the small amount of reading I did - I've already learned new strategies. For instance... Last night...my son decided to "do his thang!" Normally, this results in a verbal version of "Hell In A Cell" between him and I that could rival a Smackdown match featuring: The Undertaker vs Batista but nuh uh...I didn't react. Plain and simple. I understand exactly what you mean when you say that our kids want us to react. My poor baby was so disappointed...but guess what? I have one less gray hair - already!!! *two thumbs up!* I am really looking forward to further reading and doing the assignments, once I print out the book. I will also listen to the o...

"WE DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO. OUR SON IS 13 GOING ON 14. HE HAS BEEN LYING TO US AND WE KEEP ON FINDING GIRL'S UNDER GARMENTS IN HIS ROOM & BOOK BAG. WHEN WE ASK HIM ABOUT THEM HE TELLS US THAT SOMEONE ELSE PUT THEM THERE OR HE FOUND THEM IN THE GARBAGE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD. WE ARE LOOKING INTO COUNSELING FOR ALL OF US. CAN YOU PLEASE HELP US. WHAT IS HE DOING WITH THEM? WHAT CAN WE DO TO HELP HIM?" Boys often investigate their sexuality in strange ways around the age of puberty. I doubt that he’s up to anything other than typical post-pubescent experimentation. Talking openly with your son about sex may be one of the most difficult things you do. However, the insight you provide may be more valuable to him than you may think.    It not only gives him information to help make healthy decisions regarding sex, but can provide the tools he needs to prevent disastrous mistakes as well. If talking with your son about sex makes you uncomfortable, consider these tip...

Our 15 yr old will not go to the doctors with us. He agrees to go then starts a fight just before we need to go so that we end up not going. This week he has smashed two house phones, put holes in walls, doors, spat at me and threatened to run away and kill himself. How do we get him to the doctors? He has also refused the medication the doctor wanted to put him on and when I asked if we could get it and slip it to him quietly, the doctor said that it was unethical!! What now? ````````````````` Yes … that would be unethical. Have you downloaded the eBook? If so, have you listened to ALL the audio? If not, please do so, because the long answer (which is what you need) to your question - “What now?” - is in there, specifically the technique entitled “When You Want Something From Your Kid” in the Anger Management chapter of the Online Version of the eBook. Please read that chapter and listen to all the audio there, then email me again with any specific questions you may have regarding imp...

My daughter who is 16 keeps getting out of control. She wants to be totally independent and wants to emancipate herself. Last week she got her cell phone turned off because she would not physically give it to me, so I found out I could get on the website and deactivate it. So she went out and bought a phone and month-to-month service. I had told her not to. But long story short, her dad physically took the phone from her as well as her old phone, which ended in her calling the cops. They arrived, interviewed us all separately, and then told she had to follow our rules. My problem is that this isn't first time we have had the cops to our home. How do I get my husband to not fly off the handle and get into a physical situation with our daughter? He has never hit her, but she has been very defiant and won't budge and that is when all hell breaks. I don't even know if anything I am typing here is making sense, but I don't know what to do. I have started reading yo...

Hi Mr. Hutten, I have just seen your website and it looks very encouraging. I have a 14 year old son who is very disrespectful, talks to me like he is talking to his school friends, he gets agitated quickly, he loses his temper quickly, you cannot confront him, as he will want to fight me, and has before, he also threatens me. I have had to send him to his dads house to live for 3 months to let him see that it is not all roses and he cant live with me unless he changes, unfortunately, he loves it at his dads house, because his dad only comes there maybe once a week as he lives with his girlfriend and my son goes out every weekend and now I have heard he is beginning to hang around with gangs, he also when at home was not allowed to go out to the shop late at night and now goes to the shop on a school night as late as midnight, his father hardly buys food for him in the house, I do supply him with food and lunch money, but I cannot have him at home until as I say he gets better,...

Hello Mark I'm having a lot of problems with my 11-year-old son A___. Not so much at home but at school. We find that he is unable to take it when he is in trouble and it is always someone else who started the fight. A___'s biggest problem is, he doesn’t know when to keep quite, and he is disrespectful to all the teachers, lazy both at home and at school. He does come from a broken family but has a great stepfather whom he gets on great with. A___ will be attending High School next year and this scares me because I think if he doesn’t get control of his problem he will be worst when it comes to High School. So I suppose I’m asking if we fit the part for the need of other source of help. As we have tried all that we know as parents and we want to make A___’s live better more so then worse. Regards, R. ``````````` Hi R., Well, first of all, I’m glad you have the eBook. Most of what you’ll need will be in there. If you haven’t done so already - and if you want to go the extra mil...

Hi Mark- My problem is my 16 yr. old son. A few weeks before his birthday, he ran away with a 19 yr. old girl. He was gone for 2 months. he is at Sycamore place right now, picked up for minor consumption as well as being a runaway. He insists that he is going to be with this 19 yr. old, regardless of what I say, do or think. He goes to court on Nov. 13th. My husband (has raised him since he was 2) says my son is not going to come back home. I don't know what I can or should do. Any suggestions? Thanks for any help, S. ``````````````````````````````````````````` Is your husband saying 'he doesn't believe your son will come back home' or is he saying 'he insists that your son live elsewhere'. If it's the later, you don't have a choice. If you are the legal guardian, you have to take him back. You will NOT be able to keep your son from seeing his g-friend. The only way that is going to happen is if he's locked up - which can't last forever. Fortu...

Dear Mark, I am a mother of two ADHD kids, 14 and 9. There are a lot of different conflicts that we have to deal with of course, but the main problem we have is with the nine year old who we are on the point of deciding to have examined to see if something else (ODD, CD) that might be the problem, or just that we are not being consequent enough with our parenting strategy. I have seen your pages in the internet and like the sound of the commonsense advice, but since my husband has been unemployed for the last two years, we are really tight on money and I am reluctant to invest on something that I am unsure of. There are so many parenting tips and tricks and in the end no one is sure of anything anymore. If you think that your book would help up, I would be grateful for a return e-mail with some information how I can pay for the Your On-Line Parent Support and book, I have no credit cards. My youngest son has ADHD with hyperactivity. He has been the black sheep of the villa...

It's been a while since I last e-mailed you. M______ has been to court. They dropped the DV charge but kept the incorrigible which is in his best interest if he decides to follow the rules since they can be dropped when he turns of age. He did get 6 mos of probation and must still meet with his counselor. It seems that things at home have been better since he has motivation over the use of a car. We made him sign a driving contract and when he messes up, we just pull it out and their is no argument (well he tries but it is fruitless). He has been checking in when he is supposed to also. Mind you, this is MOST of the time. He still "forgets" and has consequences. Husband has come around to a degree. What is working for us (again still some arguments over your program and we had to compromise somewhat but like you preach, 2 parents in agreement are better than 2 divided) is that Dad still blows up when something goes wrong, but we hold out on consequence until he...

Mark- My 13-year-old son seems tired all the time. He doesn’t sleep well at night for one thing. Any suggestions? T.Y. `````````````````````````````````````` Hi T., If you have a tired teen, have them read about teens and sleep on a page just for teens. Print out Awake at the Wheel -it's an interactive brochure for teens-and discuss it with them. Take a look at these pointers for parents on teens and sleep from the National Sleep Foundation. The National Sleep Foundation Teens and Sleep homepage has many more great resources. Here are some "Do’s and Don’ts": DO: Keep to a regular daily routine—the same waking time, meal times, etc. Make sure your kids have interesting and varied activities during the day, including physical activity and fresh air. Use a simple, regular bedtime routine. It should not last too long and should take place primarily in the room where the child will sleep. It may include a few simple, quiet activities, such as a ligh...