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Hi Mark, We're expecting a battle on our hands as the 3-day grounding has just been imposed. My daughter scoffed when she was told last night, even though we had already warned her that if she chose the behaviour, she chose the consequence. How long do we keep starting it from day 1 if she refuses to see the 3 days through? At 4 o'clock this morning I woke up to some noise and found that she had taken one of the computer monitors from the study room (we have 2 which my husband needs for his work) and was trying to fix up an old CPU so that she could set it up in her bedroom. We have always made it clear to the kids that no computers will be allowed in bedrooms. I told her that I expected her to put everything back the way she had found it. It was still in her bedroom this morning before I left for work and she was asleep so I left her a note. Should we just stick to the 3-day grounding for the initial reason or impose additional restrictions for this new situation? J. ````...

Hi Mark, Wondering if you can advise me if what is happening in our house is in the realm of normal with the out of control teen. We are into the 3rd week and are using the anger control etc. He was grounded last week and came off it on Sunday. Monday morning arrived and by 8.00am he was grounded again for refusing to get in the car to go to school with other contributing factors as well. He was furious! This afternoon he has been highly defiant, the annoying he loves to do towards us has intensified with threats to go along with it. I guess he feels he is not winning and is pulling out all the stops. My husband and I have remained calm throughout!! - amazing -when we are tried to our limits and beyond! He has remarked that the grounding is too harsh, etc etc. He has tried everything in the book and now refuses to do his homework. I told him that was fine it was up to him if he wanted to fail. He said he can't see why we are treating him like this. I replied that it is...

First of all, my son refused to sit down. I asked him to do so twice, and it made for a very uncomfortable situation. But, on we went anyways. We are all given choices in life. And it is up to each of us to face the consequences of whatever those choices may be. For example, if I choose to drive my car too fast, I may or may not get caught, but if I do get caught, I am sure that I will get a speeding ticket, and I have no one to blame buy myself. That is responsibility. Freedom comes with responsibility. That is the price of freedom. Do you agree? When Dad and I told you that you could not go to Ray's party, (because you lied (your choice) you decided to act out. You decided to destroy your bedroom, after I had it fixed up and painted. You decided to punish us? Do you agree? Well, you thought you painted us into a corner…If anyone is painted into a corner, the first thing they do is to try to find a way out? Do you agree? Well, as a consequence of your behavior, Dad and ...

Hi, My son is 15 years old and is out of control. After we caught him using drugs in 9th grade. By the time he was in 9th grade, his grades fell etc. At that time, I asked him if he was glad he was caught, he said that he was. He even went to stay with his Aunt and cousins to get away from the influences, etc. He came back home six months ago, and has been doing well for the most part. However, he is still acting out and has been hooking up with his old buddies again, which makes me very nervous. I started with my poker face, and have been plugging along. When we said no to hanging out with his friend, he proceeded to destroy his room. My husband and I actually locked our bedroom door at night. We just didn't know what to think. And I went to court to file a CHINS. This weekend he is at his Aunts house, and it is quiet, calm, and I can think. I intend to talk to him about the CHINS and explain why I did it. I want to give this program a shot. Even if we go to court, it is...

Thank you Mark! This book is full of great info… I wish I had read it sooner. My son is 20 years old now with the mentality of 16. He moved with his father with all the great dreams of how he can start fresh. Unfortunately he still shows disrespect to the rules of his father's household and never at fault, being late for work, staying out late and does poorly at college. His new family is very irritated at him and his dad has been considering moving him out on his own. I am not sure if it is a great idea. He is not on drugs or alcohol, but he got some bad character traits that we as his parents keep fighting against for a long time now. What should we do? As per my ex and myself, we have been working as a team and never fight. So, he can’t play us against each other. I am lost. Should we just let him go and let him fall? Any ideas? Your advice would be greatly appreciated! Thank you very much, N. ``````````````````` Hi N., Wow! This is ...

"Hi Mark, Thanks so much for your support. We are using the "Yes" and "No" responses in your parenting program . The "Yes" response is working a treat and I am very pleased with the results. Of course the "No" response is getting a lot of protest but we are persisting. It is working even though the child is flatly saying I will not etc. I allow him a little time to think about it and he eventually goes and does what he is told instead of accepting the consequences. Of course the hardest thing for my husband is keeping a poker face but he is improving every day.   A little off the subject - I am wondering if you have any miracle strategy for getting bullies off my son's back. My son is not street wise and is constantly "set up" etc. The school is useless at addressing the issue. Thanks so much.  J." ```````````````````````   Hi J.,   Here are some other strategies to discuss with your son that can help impro...

"How can I get my 16 year old daughter to open up about what is going on in her life. When I ask her, I get the same old response "Nothing". I can clearly see that something is terribly wrong." Click here for my response...

Do you need help disciplining your child? If you're constantly arguing and fighting with someone more than half your age, tune in for a "Reality Check" with Life Coach and Contributing Author for MyOutOfControlTeen.com , Chandra Alexander, and learn why when you feel out of control - your child will be out of control as well. 1. If you have boundaries and discipline, so will your child. Boundaries make children feel safe. 2. Both parents need to be consistent and in sync with one another - children naturally play one against the other. 3. Do not say you are going to do something and then not do it. Children listen when they respect. Online Parent Support

I have a 13 year old son, who has ADD and ODD. His father and I are divorced. D has 2 sisters ages 22 and 18. We had been going to a wonderful Doctor who was helping both houses deal with the issues that D has and giving us the skills you speak of. He wanted certain things to be the same in each house, but then the houses would run differently based upon each parent. It was working so well and everyone has seen such a huge change in D. Unfortunately, his father could not follow the program and was not following it in his house. I was and the conflicts were dealt with and D was less defiant etc... There was harmony for the first time. This was the third therapist, and was the only one of the 3 that was able to figure out why my ex husband has undermined and sabotaged each and every one of them. We are under and have been under the court order for the kids to seek therapy, and each time my ex would not make the appointments, not listen to the advice of the therapist, and...

Hi Mark, I’ve spent most of my day on your website, you have some wonderful information there. I will be doing the lessons week by week, but I admit to reading ahead. What I have not come across is any solution to what if the child does everything in their power to keep you from taking their things.. for example.. My daughter right now is without internet access, no cell and no t.v but she has an Itouch that she claims is in her locker, however I know it’s not, I’ve gone to her room and searched it to no avail. There are even times where she won’t actually hand over the things and I try not to let it get physical but it does sometimes. I took her computer power cord and she threw the keyboard across room smashing it into pieces. I told her she would not get another one until she paid for it herself. But I know she’s got that itouch somewhere. She’s 14 and extremely difficult. Thanks! L. ````````````````````` Hi L., This type of issue is addressed in the Anger Management chapter [Onlin...

---Hi M.… please look for my comments throughout your email below: Thank you for your previous email. I know you said things will get worse, and they have and I am not sure where we should go now… Our son is 17 years old and has just recently had more behavioral issues….we have had them all along but now they are getting more out of control and it is starting to have more of an impact on the entire family. We have been working on assignments 1 and 2 and things were good for a while until yesterday. House rule is he is not allowed to sleep over at his girlfriend’s house and curfew is at 11pm. He went to an 18 and under club and was suppose to come home after (we knew it might be later than his curfew) instead went to his girlfriend’s house and when we called at 12:30 am her dad said he was asleep. My husband went over to get him to come home when things got bad and my husband threatened to call the police. Her dad intervened and our son left reluctantly. Situation wor...

I cannot get beyond week #1 intro [of the program]. My son is in a rage ever since I refused to allow him to go to a party that I knew would include some of his old "druggie" friends. Some police friends have suggested placing a CHINS order (in MASS) on him through the court to scare him into compliance but I am nervous about having court involvement. `````````````````` Hi H., 1st Do not allow anything to get in the way of you completing the 4-week program. Keep moving forward! Change is hard. Your son’s resistance is expected. 2nd Do not get cold feet just because he’s having a temper tantrum. Stand your ground. This is tough love. If you are willing to suffer through a few weeks of pain associated with the positive change that’s coming, then you’ll get over the hump and begin to see a gradual reduction in the intensity and severity of the parent-child conflict. 3rd I doubt that he would qualify for CHINS. I wouldn’t waste time with it. Your police friends are suggesting tha...

"We have a beautiful seventeen year old daughter who has just started to become rebellious. Her grades have been up and down over the past several years. She currently is doing okay (all b’s and c’s). However, she will only be attending junior college because her grades aren’t good enough for a state school. Our biggest issues have been a boyfriend last year who we did not approve of and eventually ended the relationship for her because we were concerned for her safety. This year we caught her online talking to a new boy very late at night and a text messaging session that was sexual in nature with the phone in her bed after midnight. As a result, we told her that she was no longer allowed to see him. We feel very lucky that she has not been experimenting with alcohol or drugs. Her only “brush with the law” has been a speeding ticket in February. However, she has insisted on maintaining a relationship with this new boy and caused such a scene yesterday because I refuse...

Hi Mark, I’m glad have purchased your book on “My out of control Teen.” I am actually a survivor of raising my own teens. One was gifted and one was learning disabled. What I do now is work with families in their home when a report of abuse has been made. I do intensive therapy with them for about 90 days 3-6 hours a week. I have found your book to help me help them in ways to ease the tension that has built up for a long time. The family that guided me to your book was a family with different mental illnesses (hate the labeling). Anyway I just want to thank you for your help and support. Parent’s need this kind of support since raising children is much harder now then in the past. ```````````````````````````` Hi S., I'm glad that you are working with families this intensely. Feel free to use me as a consultant if need be. Mark My Out-of-Control Teen

Hi Mark, I’m sure you’ve heard it all before when it comes to teens etc everything you state in you initial page about teens and their out of control behaviour really does apply to my 15 year old girl…. And I do mean ALL of it. So thank you firstly for being a point of contact and believe me that I will do everything to gain more knowledge and power within my own family unit to enable my daughter to be able to make better choices in her life. One question I do have is concerning persistent runaways – my 15 year old has runaway from home 5 times we had the police, authorities and even the school involved with trying to “help” her but to no avail, after the fourth time I ended up packing up and moving 1400 km away from everything we had known even becoming separated from her father (who she initially blamed for running away) thinking that a fresh start would help – obviously this hasn’t helped as the initial problem is still there (now she admits that it wasn’t anything to do w...

I'm trying to do the "art of saying yes & no." My 9 yo has 10-20 request from me a day. How do I handle it when I run out of chores or ways for her to earn what she wants? It seems like she makes the same requests over and over even though the answer is always yes and has been for years. (Like can I have an after school snack.) She wants my attention from the time she gets home until bedtime. Although I spend 15-20 mins listening to her and responding thoughtfully she never gets enough. I have 2 other children I can't give her every second of my day. How do I get her to quit? ````````````````````````````````````````` The attention-seeking child is in need of more attention than most. She seems to have something to prove and doesn’t take as much pride intrinsically as she does extrinsically. This child may not have a sense of belonging. Try and understand the need - this child may have a low self-esteem and may need some confidence building. Sometimes the at...

Hi Mark, Further to my e-mail, my son has been moved to a group home dealing with kids in the juvenile justice system this weekend. We had the opportunity to pick him up and transport him (4 hours). It went pretty well, he was looking forward to getting out of the institution type setting. He will be there until May 30. We (me and his father/husband) are supportive of him, but we definitely want things to be different. Your online book so far couldn't hit closer to home. We are allowed to take him out on a weekend pass this weekend for 4-6 hours (we have to drive for 2 hours to get there). I have to admit I'm a little nervous and want to enjoy our time together without getting into conflict. I have been working through your book and am at the "high energy kid". I was reading the part about medications for ODD & ADHD. He is on 2 types of medication and has been for 3 years. I've always been uncomfortable with it. My son does want to go off of it wh...

Hey Mark- I have been following the program and for the most part things have been going pretty well lately. D did get in a little trouble one day at school but that is way better than the daily calls I was getting!!!!! He has moments but over all doing much better. However we had a major situation happen last night that I am at a loss of how to handle it! I came home last night and my teenage daughter (18) approached me and confessed that she had some pot in her room (which by the way was a total shock -this is the "good kid") but the reason she came to me was that it was now gone- she said she left it on her bed on accident and left the house for about 15min and when she came back it was gone. She said the only reason she was telling me and risking being in major trouble is because she was concerned because she certainly did not want her brother or any of his 3 friends he was playing with to have it- she said they are all to young Mom and I am so sorry. Well I approach...

Dear Mark Thanks very much for sending the parenting sessions through. I have read and watched most of the sessions now and see how they can be effective. Our situation is that my son C (although never completely diagnosed) I have always felt shows signs of ADHD. He has always been immature in comparison to his peers but none the less feels that he is and should be treated as an adult. As soon as he was 16 he decided that he wanted to leave home and since that time we have had one disaster after another. He became involved in recreational drugs but within a space of about 8 months was doing them to such a large degree he started to have psychotic episodes and now suffers from residual paranoia. He (I believe) has not taken anything now since about last October and is under the supervision of the Early Intervention Team for Psychosis and is taking an anti psychotic medication. In the last 18 months he has started to take his A Levels twice, the first time dropped out due to his d...

Hi Mark, I've just subscribed to the e-book a couple of days ago so I haven't got very far. We've started assignment 1. I'm looking for advise on how to handle the issue of smoking in the bedroom. My 16 year old daughter, A has been smoking for probably a year and has always hidden it from us. Whenever I questioned her about smelling of smoke in the past, she would always say that it was because she was hanging around her friends who smoke. In the last 6 months, we've caught her with cigarettes in her bag and drawers and she has always made the excuse that she was hanging on to them for her friends who didn't want their parents to know to which we've said that that is their responsibility, not hers. In the last month, she is doing it openly in the backyard and has told us that she has no intention of quitting and that we just have to accept it. The last straw was when she started smoking in her room. I wrote her a note (as I find it hard to...

Hi B., Please look for these arrows throughout your email for my responses: ===> Hi Mark, First of all I can't tell you what a blessing your website has been to me. I was literally on the floor crying and praying that I would find something, someone to help me with my teenage daughter. I then got on the internet and typed in teen parenting and found your website. What a lifesaver it has been for me.  Thank you so much. Now, the problem I am currently having is....you say to only do one lesson a week. That would be okay but I feel like I'm in panic mode. I need to learn all this stuff really fast so I can start implementing it asap before my daughter totally loses it. ===> Only do one session per week. When parents implement a bunch of new changes overnight, it is often the kiss of failure. Just to give you some background......she is a 16 year old girl who has decided overnight it seems that life is boring and she needs to spice things up a bit ...

Hi Mark, Thank you for your wonderful programme. I have a 13 year old son who is not only strong willed but also bright. I have struggled for years with him using conventional methods, which have never worked and I could not figure out why. Just hearing you say that the conventional methods for "normal" kids do not work on the strong willed child was a relief for me!! Thank you so much for saying that. My husband and I are now realising - because of what you have said about the fact that these kids want to zap your energy and get you mad and annoy you etc that this is exactly what this child loves to do!! We have been feeling like we are going under for some time. I really want this method to work because I do not know what else to do! I am using the fair fighting method - not necessarily the time out though - for all instances of disrespect, swearing at me, talking over me etc. Would that be right to do or should I only use that method when he is mad and give him t...

"Why do younger teenagers nowadays start having sex in the first place? How do I even approach this topic with my daughter? She just says that 'everyone does it -- it's no big deal'. When I was a teenager, I would never even think about having sex with my boyfriend at the time. I guess this shows how old I am." The topic of sexuality and teens often makes moms and dads - and adolescents - uncomfortable. It can be difficult to even broach the subject of sexuality, and even more difficult should the mother or father suspect their teenager is sexually promiscuous.    Few moms and dads want to confront the issues of sexual promiscuity or inappropriate sexual behavior in their kids, yet avoiding such behavioral problems can be as risky as the behaviors themselves. Not only does sexual promiscuity cause serious health risks to your teenager, it can damage self-esteem and emotional health as well. Adolescents often partake in risk-taking behaviors. This seems t...