ONLINE PARENTING COACH

"Any ideas on how to deal with a 7 y.o. son who does not do what he's told to do - even with the simplest of requests? He's the youngest of 4, and by far the most stubborn." You have just told your youngster to do something (e.g., “Michael, turn off the TV and get ready for bed”), and he blatantly responds with something like, “No” or “You can’t make me.” When defiant kids say, “You can’t make me,” they are asserting their control and challenging yours. They are silently hoping that you will rise to the challenge and try to control them. Like it or not, they are right. Parents can’t make children do anything against their will. These kids are also upping the ante by challenging parents to come up with some consequence that will mean something to them. The “test” is to show parents their own powerlessness, and these kids will often laugh in the face of any consequences parents might use, even if at a later time they might wish they hadn’t. ==> My Ou...

Scenario: Kylee is 16-years-old. Her parents are divorced. She spends the weekends with her dad and stepmother. Unfortunately, her biological parents are not on the same page with respect to parenting styles and disciplinary techniques. Her mom is rather permissive (i.e., few rules, few consequences for breaking rules), but her dad is somewhat authoritarian (i.e., a lot of rules, serious punishment for breaking the rules). One day before dinner, Kylee’s dad says, “Put your cell phone away. We don’t text while we eat!” Kylee’s retort is, “I don’t have to follow that rule …that’s not a rule at our house (mother’s house). I text whenever I want to at home!” Then the arguing and yelling between father and daughter begins! You know the rest of the story… Defiant teens know the value of playing their parents against each other. They learned a long time ago that just because dad has said “no” doesn’t mean mom won’t say “yes.” Many defiant teens of divorced parents constantly ...

 "We suspect our teen son has been pilfering my sleep medication (along with a couple other prescriptions). How should we approach this... we have no solid proof as of yet." This is not an uncommon problem. You, the parent of an unruly teenager, may inadvertently be a big source of prescription medications he/she is using behind your back. More often than not, medicine cabinets are your teen’s “go-to” spot of choice. A whopping 61% of adolescents report that prescription medications are easier to get than illegal medications, and 41% of adolescents mistakenly believe use of medicines is less dangerous than use of illegal street medications. One out of every two Americans is on prescription drugs. So these medications are readily available. People think they're safe because they're prescribed by a physician, and more adolescents are turning to the medicine cabinet to get their medications of choice. Here are the five classes of prescription medications tee...

"I need some ideas on how to deal with my son's relentless bad moods (angry all the time, seems depressed, isolates in his bedroom and has no social life to speak of)." Mood swings in adolescents are extremely common, and the best that moms and dads can do is to dig-in their heels and get ready for a few years of turbulence. At one point or another, virtually all adolescents deal with seemingly extreme shifts in mood. Causes of Mood Swings in Adolescents— Adolescence is a period of chaos and stress. This period of time will be marked by drama and “frustrated idealism” regardless of environmental factors. Cultural, spiritual, and familial factors play a role in whether or not an adolescent experiences “severe” mood swings. Most researchers agree that mood swings are a combination of biological and emotional factors that affect an adolescent’s mood: 1. Adolescence is a time when the body starts producing sex hormones as well as going through a major growth ...

Question I am a divorced mother with a 15-year-old daughter. I am about to become married to a wonderful man, David. My daughter tolerates him – but says she doesn’t really like him and is even a bit defiant around him. How can I help her accept my fiancée as her soon-to-be stepfather? Answer Kids grow by facing and working through challenges. The challenges presented by divorce and remarriage present opportunities for growth. However, kids are only able to grow from challenges if they are in a manageable range (i.e., not so easy that kids don’t have to stretch to meet them, but not so hard that they can’t stretch enough). The younger the son or daughter, the more moms and dads must help to bring a conflict into this manageable range. The challenges of a new family are multi-faceted and different for each youngster. Your daughter is at a particular developmental point with specific needs, resulting in very particular meanings that a stepdad might have for her at this...

The official definition of vandalism is given by the Uniform Crime Reporting (UCR) division of the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI). It says that vandalism is "willful or malicious destruction, injury, disfigurement, or defacement of any public or private property, real or personal, without the consent of the owner or persons having custody or control" as stated in the most recent Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention Fact Sheet on Juvenile Vandalism. Vandalism includes a wide variety of acts such as: breaking or throwing items out of windows damaging parked cars damaging trees posting graffiti in public places setting false fire alarms setting fires smashing mailboxes stealing tampering with equipment (e.g., vending machines, pay telephones) trashing unguarded property (e.g., empty buildings and/or lots, public or semi-public toilet facilities, school property)   Making Sense of Adolescent Vandalism— There are a number of reas...

"I need help with knowing what to do with my teenage son who has been getting physical with me (pushing, getting in my face, yelling, almost butting heads with me). I'm a single mom - he is bigger than me and obviously stronger. I'm worried!" Teenagers may learn that by threatening, intimidating, and behaving in an abusive manner, they will effectively frighten a mother or father into doing what they want (e.g., giving in or allowing them to have their way). One teenager stated, “I know how to get out of being grounded. I just start knocking stuff off the shelves, and my mother tells me to get out of the house.” Abusing the parent may also give a teenager (who’s feeling powerless) a sense of control. It should be noted that teenagers who threaten physical violence, push or hit their parents, or destroy property (as part of an overall pattern of violating the rights of others) have moved beyond typical teenage rebellion and into oppositional defiance and/or co...