ONLINE PARENTING COACH

I have been involved/partnered for 3 years with a wonderful woman. But her son is intolerable to me. Despite a variety of diagnoses from doctors who see only his mood disorders and not his daily behavior, the most obvious diagnosis (that they all missed) is ODD. You can not do or say anything that he doesnt like w/o him jumping up screaming, sometimes for hours. Three years ago he was 5150’d for putting his fist through several windows, making numerous suicide threats, throwing things all over the living room and more. I pushed his mom to call the police and they took him to the hospital. The hospital kept him for only one night. If it was my kid, he’d have had to clean the mess he made and sign a contract about future behavior and professional help (including anger mgmt) before I would take him back to live in my house. But his mother never holds him accountable for anything, for fear of him hurting himself or screaming at her (which he does anyway.) He tore up the contract...

Thank you for all your encouragement. I find the one of best ways to relax and meditate is to take some quiet time each day and read God’s word the Bible. In Joshua 1: 8, 9 Just after the death of his best friend and leader the mighty Moses, Joshua was given the responsibility to then take over the leadership of several hundred thousand people (very demanding strong willed people). He was encouraged to take time each day to meditate on God’s word. As you have encouraged us to do with our needy strong willed kids. Mine is conduct disorder & bi-polar needy. At times I feel overwhelmed, but then your words and the words of other’s in my life come ringing in my ears, don’t give up, be of good courage, you will get through this. So I keep going, each day, one day at a time. This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous...

Hi Mark: I'm interested in getting your book, is it sold at book store? My computer is really old and I can't download a large file and have no sound card. I'm having a problem with my 16 year old son. He is disrespectful, smokes pot and sometimes gets very angry. I'm divorced and my new partner is having a very difficult time dealing with the disrespect in the home. I feel like I'm in the middle and am trying to make everyone happy. I really need some help. My partner thinks it's my fault for how my son is acting. I am a failure as a mother? I have loved him, tried teaching him right from wrong, talked with him, and put him in a program for kids from divorced parents. I am a good role model, I don't drink, do drugs, I'm honest and loving. I don't understand why this is happening. Thank you for taking the time to read this email. Sincerely, R. ``````````````````````````` Hi R., The eBook is a digital book not sold in store...

Hi Mark, I am glad to have found your site on this my precious son's 17th birthday. I have every intention of ordering shortly. I did want to ask though, since it is online, are we (my hubby too) able to view the seminars over and over? I am not particularly enthused about an online seminar but short of driving to Indiana it's a great option. I prefer to have a hardcopy of books, so I'll print it out. I am the only person in a family of 5 who does NOT take medication for ADHD (husband included), so I hope that we are all able to gain help from this newly found insight. Looking forward to your reply. Respectfully, D. `````````````````` Hi D., Yes …you can go through the program as often as needed – and at your own pace. You can print out a hard copy of the eBook, and I also have 2 CDs of the seminar (an additional $17.00) if you want to go the extra mile ( click here for details ). Thus, you can go through all the material without sitting at the...

Hello, I was just wondering if you could answer a few questions for me. My boyfriend is 19 years old and has oppositional defiant disorder and its driving me crazy. It seems like all we do is fight then he appologizes when he finally makes me cry. How can I make a simple convo not turn into an argument about nothing. For example I was waiting for him to finish getting dresses kinda watching him and he freaked out saying how he HATES when i watch him all the time it annoys him. What?! or another is we were talking about actors and I said that i didnt like a certain actor because he was too popular and he said that it wasnt a good enough reason and got really mad and the fight escalated to him calling me a bitch and me crying. I just cant help but "stick up for myself" but is this just fueling the fire? what are some techniques for dealing with this without feeling like im giving in or just agreeing with him all the time. I feel worthless and resentful alot but i ...

"One area that I'm dealing with regarding my 15 year old (almost 16) son is with his school work. He has not interest in school whatsoever. He's barely getting by. He skips classes (which after he did last week, I grounded him for three days, as you suggest). I just received a call yesterday from his science teacher letting me know that he hasn't turned in assignments, and currently has a D in her class. He has D's and F's in his other classes as well. I'm sure you've heard this before, but I know he is intelligent. He has the potential, but he doesn't see it and doesn't care to apply himself. In your ebook, you talk about handing over ownership of this area in particular to your children. So, I've started doing this, however, I wonder if you can tell me what my place is in his life in regards to this area. I will also let you know that he is also dealing with depression, and was recently put on an antidepressant at the suggesti...

If I had had this program when B___ was two, I think our lives would’ve been so much easier. I have actually gotten the words that you use to turn his arguments around - and his behavior. It wasn't easy, and things are not perfect, but we have far more good days than bad. I doubted for several months that this program would work. But on faith, I kept doing it and doing it and doing it. Now my new parenting strategies have become a habit - and my son knows it. We still have our ups and downs, but I know I'm finally over the hump - and I actually enjoy seeing the fruits of my tough love. Thanks again Mark. I don't know where I would be without your support. Grateful mum, T. Online Parent Support

Mark: It has been another crazy week in my home. B was in a patrol car three times within 26 hours this week. He did not come home four nights in a row, Th-Fr-Sat-Sun. Stayed at that Foster kid's house against my wishes. G (estranged and STRANGE husband) is no help. Tuesday..he skipped school...the City Police picked him up at 11:00 A.M. with his delinquent ghetto friend by the mall, took him to school. He wore bedroom slippers to school to cause a scene and call attention to himself. I had to go and get him as he was obnoxious. He came home went to bed. He had been running around for four nights. Slept for hours. I went to check on him later, he had switched door knobs to put one that had a lock on it...swapped from another door) and I used a paper clip to open it. When I got it open, the black friend was on the bottom bunk and B was on the top. They had ripped the magnets off the window in his room for the alarm system. They were planning to sneak out. He and I were argu...

"Well, I took the car away because he missed his curfew last night by 50 minutes. Total attitude all day. Now he has packed his things and left - after a big scene. I tried to remain calm, did not chase but am obviously concerned as to where he is. I think I am dealing with a child that is beyond what I can handle. We have tried counseling at a local level and were unsuccessful since he manipulated it. A lot of money and weak results. He refuses to go back. We may need an intervention program/boarding school. Suggestions on how we investigate that? Thank you again." Click here for the answer...

Mark- The diagnoses is in - he's got bipolar. This is what we thought all along based on the info on your site and your emails. Do you know how this is treated? Thanks, F. ```````````````````````` Hi F., Once the diagnosis of bipolar disorder is made, the treatment of children and adolescents is based mainly on experience with adults, since as yet there is very limited data on the efficacy and safety of mood stabilizing medications in youth. The essential treatment for this disorder in adults involves the use of appropriate doses of mood stabilizers, most typically lithium and/or valproate, which are often very effective for controlling mania and preventing recurrences of manic and depressive episodes. Research on the effectiveness of these and other medications in children and adolescents with bipolar disorder is ongoing. In addition, studies are investigating various forms of psychotherapy, including cognitive-behavioral therapy, to complement medication treatmen...

Just wanted to let you know about my success last night. J___ met at a little Italian restaurant me for dinner last night since we were the only two home. Nice dinner, some nice talk - college lacrosse recruiting, Christmas, etc. As we were leaving the restaurant to get into our separate cars he asked to go to the soccer game. I said no and that it was not open for discussion. I told him if he went I would take the car away for 3 days. He tried to call my bluff and said that never works due to inconvenience. I told him my good friend had agreed to help me since my husband is traveling so much. Of course he began to argue - even pulled the "that girl I really like is gonna be there!" routine. I kept a slight smile on my face (no scowling!) and repeated myself several times. He continued to negotiate and all I said was no and I am not going to argue. He threatened, told me I was acting like a robot, said this is b....it - all the things you know he was going to do. ...

Love this product. It is as if someone sat in our house for three days and watched what was going on in order to write it! Job well done. I agree with everything you have said, but I am stuck re: consequences. My husband works in a different city so he leaves Sun nite and returns Fri nite. Our 17 year old son has a car - we thought to make our lives easier. He is responsible for taking his sister to school, getting himself home from sports practices and running an occasional errand. I work full time, have little to no flexibility during the day and have two younger children who also have activities. We did take the car away for one week and it was crazy. My younger ones were left waiting for me while I picked up Mr. 17 and then he started to get rides from friends and was showing up even later - they went to McDonalds, to someone's house, etc. When I told him not to do that he said, "I'm not the one driving. I have no control. So & so had to take Johnny home,...

I am seriously considering buying your book and online course. However, I am a single parent of extremely limited means and want to ask you a question first. My 14 year old son Toby just fell asleep after being awake for more than 24 hours. Is this a possible symptom of bipolar disorder? I doubt it is the first time he has done this, but it is the first time I have verified it beyond doubt, or perhaps that I have believed him. When he was a baby and toddler I don't recall him ever sleeping more than two hours at a time. I used to lock all the doors,turn off all the lights, take a sleeping pill myself, and bury myself under a pillow so I could sleep. He seems to be having a resurgence of this in adolescence. And, he has become quite hostile when I attempt to discipline him re schoolwork. Yes, he definitely has phases of extreme irritability, hates rules & teachers, is highly intelligent, has had depressive phases, has been suicidal. I am currently homeschooling with a charter sc...

I enjoy your newsletter and use the information provided. I have had some good results with the tools. I thought I would still be receiving the newsletter for one year and would like to do so. Please advise. Thank you, L.J. ``````````````````` Hi L., You can re- subscribe on the home page (subscriptions automatically terminate after one year). The newsletter is still free. CLICK HERE to go to the home page. Look for the sign-up box that reads: I want to receive weekly newsletters from Online Parent Support (under the chat room). There you will also find a link to the newsletter archive and can get caught up on all the past issues you may have missed. Thank you, Mark

Dear Mark, I'm writing again about my 14-year-old daughter. I have really tried to follow your plan to the best of my ability but unfortunately my husband and I are not on the same page. He has gotten a whole lot better but will often overlook things to prevent any conflict or explosive behavior or retaliation. I cannot speak for him but I remain firm on my issues and even when he does back me up she does not cooperate. Consequences do nothing for her. We cannot force her to do anything such as go to her room, take a shower, etc. nothing too difficult to comply with. I feel we have lost control of our home to this girl. We have had her in counseling for the last few years and family counseling for the last six months and things seem to be getting worse with the total defiance. She really hasn't done any raging since August but the tension in our house is almost unbearable. I have actually considered leaving; there is only so much I can take. We have considered boarding ...

Hi D., Please look for these arrows below: ==> Hi Mark: A lot has happened since my last email about 5 weeks ago. Our son B, 15, was arrested for battery on a school official on November 2nd. (He threw a piece of candy at a teacher from a distance at lunch time horsing around.) He was arrested for battery on a school official and the teacher dropped the charges but he mouthed off to the cop and resisted arrest without violence. He is in the juvenile system and as of today in a diversion program. As a result for this recent offense, he was up for expulsion but in lieu of that is assigned to an internet-based alternative school. He is very capable, making poor choices and hanging out with the wrong crowd. ==> This is a good thing. Most of my juvenile clients do very well in alternative school. The classroom is usually smaller and they get more one-on-one attention. His latest "Buddy" is an Afro-American 15 year old who is already a FATHER!! He is a ...

What do I do when my child is hitting, biting, slapping. She wont go in her room cuz I took off the door. I restrained her till my husband came home. She only does this to me and some at her sister. what do i do? ``````````````````````````` While some biting can occur during normal development, persistent biting can be a sign that a child has emotional or behavioral problems. While many children occasionally fight with or hit others, frequent and/or severe physical aggression may mean that a child is having serious emotional or behavioral problems that require professional evaluation and intervention. Persistent fighting or biting when a child is in daycare or preschool can be a serious problem. At this age, children have much more contact with peers and are expected to be able to make friends and get along. Many children start aggressive biting between one and three years of age. Biting can be a way for a child to test his or her power or to get attention. Some children bi...

Hi Judy, Please look for these arrows: ==> Mark, Once again I need your guidance and experience. I last e-mailed you beginning of November. Things have been going pretty well with the usual "falling off of the wagon" but overall we were feeling pretty good. If you remember we (husband and I) turned off M______ cell phone service and internet capabilities on his lap-top and we keep our desk top locked at all times unless we are using it. M______ has the potential of earning back the cell phone with parameters we gave him (proper house phone use and restriction of speaking with 2 people and passing with C grades [capable of A's and B's easily]). So far this has not happened--he keeps calling these people, but otherwise is OK. He has lost his TV in his room, playstation, and clothes when he left overnight with ability to earn them back. The items were kept locked in the back of my SUV. He was told if he wanted them back as he had earned them, to pl...

Hello, We are new to your service – and will be implementing the week 1 assignment with our 17 ½ year old senior daughter. We have observed problems for some time now (about two years to be exact – same time as she started birth control pills which has always made us wonder if that is coincidence or physiology). “We have read Parenting Your Out-Of-Control Teenager” by Dr. Scott P. Sells also – which seems to share many of the same pinciples. We’ve tried a contract and various approaches – but we (her dad and I – we are married) have not both consistently held to the contract information so weakened its affect, no doubt. We barely have been getting by – doing much enabling (making calls to school for her schedule problems, filling out college apps., etc.) just to keep her progressing through this last year of high school – but realize that is part of problem. She just finished a successful high school tennis career and now that this is over, she has turned up the dial on her d...

"Hi Mark, I'm new to this site. I have a couple of questions and scenarios that I would like to run by you. I have just charged my 17 year old with assault and put him out of the house, I was informed that he could go to a shelter, however there are no beds available at the shelter and he is now trying to come back home, as he has burned his bridges everywhere else. There is a no contact order in place, he cannot be within 100 ft of the house, and he is only permitted to contact me by phone. This is part of the scenario, there is more involved, I desperately need some advice. Could you please get back to me?" Click here for the response...

Please look for my responses where you see these arrows: ==> Dear Mr. Hutten: I would like to speak with you on the phone. To be worth doing at all it will entail some time commitment (say an hour minimum). Are you willing to do this? Would you be willing to make a phone date so I will be sure to have the time free? During school hours is best. ==> Due to the sheer volume of OPS members I respond to on a daily basis, it would be best to communicate via email. I have had a lot of success using NVC (non-violent communication) and imagine your program could be integrated into what I already do. The family situation is difficult legally and every other way. You may think you've heard it all but I bet this one has a few new kinks. Actually the child's behavior is not all that bad compared to what I'm reading from other parents. I've done a not bad job I think under extraordinarily bad circumstances. The biggest mistake I' made was not to sue for guardianship...

Dear Mr. Hutten: I have read most of your book today. I am almost done, but am quite confused regarding my own personal situation. I know I sent you that long email, but please remember these facts, as they are much harder for me than you realize. I am not trying to say that no one knows what they are talking about, I want you to realize that I need exact instructions on how to deal with my son AT THE POINT WE HAVE REACHED. My husband is gone for days at a time, and my son and I have an very very estranged relationship. If I even asked him to do a chore, to tried to impose a curfew or told him no to anything, he knows he can hang over my head the act of busting up my house. He would just say "F_ _ _ _ you B _ _ _ _ _, make me", grab his keys and walk out, doing whatever he wants. He just literally stands there and says "No." How do I converse with someone like that? He scares me, has hit me once about 5 years ago, and is now 6'1" and a brown belt....

Mr. Hutten: I purchased your book, but am worried about something. Correct me if I am wrong: I cannot effectively do this if my husband doesn't right? Also, how am I to pull this off every time my pilot husband leaves town? This will be hard, won't it? ````````````````````````````````` While it's true that it will be exceedingly difficult to implement these strategies if your husband is working in the opposite direction from you, I find that - even in worse case scenarios - spouses can find at least a few areas they agree on. Rarely is the case that husband and wife are 100% diametrically opposed on ALL decision-making opportunities about their kids. A weaker plan supported by both parents is much, much better than a strong plan supported by only one. Mark Online Parent Support

Hello Mark, I have serious problem with my son and his breaking our family rules. This story sounds like a great plan; however our son is able to stay the course for three days and then start all over again, hence the weekend begins. Over the Thanksgiving holiday he stayed out all night and then came home and we took all his privileges away. He told his father that he understood his punishment and within 2 hours proceeded to walk out the door. He also tells us that if we put our hands on him he will call the police. Now we know that we can restrain him but this is a no win situation. We cannot watch over him 24 hours a day. We already went down that road a year and a half ago. When he ran off for 5 days at the age of 13 we were told that a wilderness trip and boarding school was the answer. After being gone for over a year he came back and seems to be worse. He has been in counseling and everyone who has ever encountered him says the same thing; he is an edgy kid who likes...

"Mark, How would your program work for an 19 year old who keeps leaving home and who isn’t motivated to work or go to college. He graduated last year and since then has been rebelling. He hasn’t spent time with his dad in months. We have always had a 50/50 custody."   ANSWER: It will work the same as it does for a 16 year old. Don't change anything.  The latest parenting challenge is dealing with emerging adults who have no intention of leaving the nest. Many 19- to 29-year-olds either return home after college or they've never even left home. The media refers to them as "Boomerang Kids." Parents are worried that their kids won't leave home. This new phenomenon is highlighted in the movie Failure to Launch. Matthew McConaughey plays Tripp, 30-something bachelor whose parents want him out of the house. They've hired Paula (Sarah Jessica Parker), an interventionist, to help him move out. Paula has a track record of successfully boosting men's ...

How do parents who are divorced work together and stay consistent? My ex and I are equally worried and upset with our 17yr old boy. We however, have very different parenting styles. I'm more into boundaries and keeping the lines of communication open. My ex lets our son run the show. I cannot tell my ex what to do or how to handle situations because he doesn't like anyone doing this, especially his ex. He takes everything very personally.    Click here for the answer...

Hi Mark, I’ve quickly reviewed your program and I think it will help. My youngest (16) boy is not really that far out of control. My older boy (19) is just great. Both are extremely smart and do great in school. Snag with youngest is mostly on the disrespect side. Which of course leads to lots of communication problems. We’re kind of at the “we love him but sure don’t like him” stage. Pretty sure his problems stem from my wife developing serious illness and almost dying when he was only in grade 5. She’s now stable but some limited functionality. We need to reverse what’s going on, otherwise I can see me booting him out in the future. So we will follow your plan and see if it will help, D. Online Parent Support

My name is D___ i have an 11 year old son with ODD. My husband and i are a our wit ends and don't know what to do with him or where to turn he gets worse every day at home and school he got straight f's across the board in school and no one wants to sit next to him . the teachers don't know what to do with him and i don't know what to say to try to even help them help him. Here's my question is there any other way to get your book, like at the library or something i don't have any credit cards and i don't think i could get one if i tried at this point . but so far your site seems to be the only one that understands what we are going threw and we need help desperately ............thank you D___ ``````````````` Hi D., You can pay by check if you want. Click Here for more info. I really want you to get this material as soon as possible. Mark

Hey Mark, I downloaded my printable version of your book yesterday. Uhhh...I couldn't print it out cuz my printer was out of ink!!! This is just a teensy weensy setback, which will be remedied today. I spent a bit of time reading the first part of the book. I've gotta say - I'm impressed! Just from the small amount of reading I did - I've already learned new strategies. For instance... Last night...my son decided to "do his thang!" Normally, this results in a verbal version of "Hell In A Cell" between him and I that could rival a Smackdown match featuring: The Undertaker vs Batista but nuh uh...I didn't react. Plain and simple. I understand exactly what you mean when you say that our kids want us to react. My poor baby was so disappointed...but guess what? I have one less gray hair - already!!! *two thumbs up!* I am really looking forward to further reading and doing the assignments, once I print out the book. I will also listen to the o...

"WE DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO. OUR SON IS 13 GOING ON 14. HE HAS BEEN LYING TO US AND WE KEEP ON FINDING GIRL'S UNDER GARMENTS IN HIS ROOM & BOOK BAG. WHEN WE ASK HIM ABOUT THEM HE TELLS US THAT SOMEONE ELSE PUT THEM THERE OR HE FOUND THEM IN THE GARBAGE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD. WE ARE LOOKING INTO COUNSELING FOR ALL OF US. CAN YOU PLEASE HELP US. WHAT IS HE DOING WITH THEM? WHAT CAN WE DO TO HELP HIM?" Boys often investigate their sexuality in strange ways around the age of puberty. I doubt that he’s up to anything other than typical post-pubescent experimentation. Talking openly with your son about sex may be one of the most difficult things you do. However, the insight you provide may be more valuable to him than you may think.    It not only gives him information to help make healthy decisions regarding sex, but can provide the tools he needs to prevent disastrous mistakes as well. If talking with your son about sex makes you uncomfortable, consider these tip...