ONLINE PARENTING COACH

Hi Mark, Well, just to catch you up...M got out of the JJS on 1/3 and is in the intensive probation program. His PO has seen him 2x @ school and 1 home visit. He is supposed to go back to work and pay for the program ($90). He has called his manager (with MUCH arm twisting) but so far has not gone back. He has been to court last Thursday for his chewing tobacco possession and had a $55 fine imposed (Has yet to work this off also). He was re-instated on the wrestling team, and the DAY he found out he was back on he was a totally changed person. He was happy, interacting, talking about new semester classes/teachers, working out, etc. He has his first meet on Thursday and did excellent. We really thought he turned the corner. He has had his ADHD rx increased (new Dx 12/06), and the psychiatrist (and his counselor and the JSS counselor) all think he has depression and want him on antidepressants also. He thus far is not agreeable to taking them. Friday I get a call fro...

We adopted 3 siblings in March 2006. They are 2 twins boys 4 yrs. old and their sister 5 yrs. old. They are very bright, smart and intelligent kids and make us very happy. We haven't experience any educational problems with them. They go to daycare and have learned numbers and letters, shapes and colors at the same rate as the other kids in their school. I purchased and have read your e-book "My out of control child" and have found it very useful. You explain to me in your e-mail the behavioral problems that adopted children usually have because of the unknown medical history of their birth parents. I have tried your techniques and procedures explained in your book, but our daughter is still giving her teachers a lot of trouble at school to the point that they don't know what else to do. When she is with us, she controls herself or at least follows directions, but we have to be with our eyes or her at all times. We praise them (4:1), caught them doing go...

Hi Mark, the last time I spoke with you was on the 20th of November last year (titled "Desperate"). At that stage my son had left home and I was frustrated. Your words were of great comfort to me and I must admit at my lowest points, I referred back to that email for strength. Thank you for that. During my sons three and a half months of living away from home, I have practiced your techniques whenever he was around. My son has now decided to come back home and live under our rules. I am excited about this and a little apprehensive. What I would like to know is how to slowly and inconspicuously get him away from the bad crowd he is now involved with. I do not want to scare him off as soon as he gets home and I know that I have to tread very lightly. The other area of concern is the body piercing which neither I nor my husband can stand. Should I just continue the "POKER FACE" and let him find his way or should I set the rules immediately? To date, your co...

Hi Mark, My 16-year old granddaughter (who lives with her father) runs away from home fairly regularly ...usually 3-4 days at a time. And we never know where she stays during these stints. What can her father do to prevent this? What should he do if she does take off again? It's starting to become a real problem. And I worry about her safety. Thanks, A. Click here for my answer...

Hello, Well I started Phase 1 and set the boundaries of curfew and homework requirements. All was going fine, to my surprise. Now the weekend, and Nicole wanted a friend to stay over. I thought well she has been home on time all week and has cleaned her room and done her homework, so alright. Saturday, she decides to go out with her boyfriend. She calls me at 11:50 pm to see if she can stay the night at his house. I said absolutely not! She is to come home by curfew. Well she still is not home and it is now 9:30 am. What do I do with this? 3 days grounded? What? Please help. ```````````````````````` Hi D., Assuming she has returned home by now, issue the least restrictive consequence first (e.g., grounded for one evening with no phone privileges). If she refuses to accept the least restrictive consequence, then withhold all privileges and ground her for 3 days. Most importantly, however, issue the following warning and be prepared to back-up your words with action: “If you ...

Mark- What are your views on teens having sex with condoms? I'm not sure where to go with this one as my 17-year-old daughter is wanting to have sex with her 18-year-old boyfriend (and probably already is) but does not want to go on birth control. Thanks in advance, J.C. ``````````````` Hi J., I'd like to share some data with you rather than give my personal opinion on the matter. One of our goals at Online Parent Support is ongoing research. Our recent project tried a number of recruitment strategies with varying degrees of success. Fliers were distributed by project staff in a few high schools and at a weekly summer street fair in downtown Indianapolis that attracts large numbers of teens, and by community agencies to their clients. The street fair recruiting, community service agency referrals, and focus group participant referrals (snowball method) were quite successful. In the summer of 2007, the OPS HIV Prevention Studies Group conducted: ·10 individual interviews with pa...

A new member of Online Parent Support writes: "I've found your website out of sheer desperation (bet you've heard that a time or two). I'm the step parent of an 18 year old boy who has been diagnosed in the past six months as being bipolar. He is abusing alcohol (no drugs as far as I can tell) and most days he has no respect for authority of any kind. Curfews are non existent and he can't hold a job. He was recently kicked out of a private catholic school ...and attempted suicide in October by overdosing on his meds. The dilemma, number one he lives with his mom ...and she is demanding that his father and I ...take him. He is taking his meds, but not going to the weekly counseling that was recommended. His mother doesn't enforce any rules because she is afraid of him (he's been known to knock holes in the walls with baseball bats but has never injured anyone). Number two, his father travels out of state most of the time and I would be the primar...

Hi Mark! I just downloaded your book and plan on start reading it this afternoon. I do have a couple of questions. I have a 14 year old son. He is ADHD. I guess he is really just a typical teenager-back talk, not doing what he is told, slacking on his homework, etc. He isn't "out-of-control" in the sense of drugs, alcohol, etc. His father died as a result of a car accident right before he turned three. I remarried two years later. My husband treats and loves him as if he was his own. We have a daughter who is six. There is a lot of jealous there (mostly from our son). We try to treat them equally but, it doesn't seem to matter what we do. Also, I honestly don't know what kind of punishment to give him if he does misbehave. During the school year he doesn't have t.v. or video games during the week and he isn't too social so I really feel that there isn't anything to "take away" from him or ground him from doing. Do you have any suggestions...

I read the comments about children not doing well in school. The understanding I get from that is not to push and nag them to do homework. Let them suffer the consequences. So does that mean that if he has a test to study for, or an assignment due that I should let him do whatever he wants and other than the schoolwork? He would rather sit in front of the game cube and play all night long if I let him. Do I take the gamecube away from him for 3 days? Could you please reply back to me by e-mail. Thanks. G.  ``````````````  Hi G., If poor academic performance is an ongoing source of parent-child conflict - AND if your son has a history of poor academic performance, then you will do well to follow the advice in the eBook. Should you let him do whatever he wants? No. Set aside a 1-hour block of time (e.g., 7:00 PM to 8:00 PM five days a week) for him to do homework. He can choose to do homework, or he can choose to NOT be able to play his Game Cube. Let him decide. If h...

Dear Mark, Many thanks for all the information you have sent to me this has been extremely helpful to both my colleague and myself as we have recently set up our own company dealing with early intervention. This is a relatively new concept in the U.K. and we have found your perspective on this matter to be more advanced and if you have any more information you feel would be of relevance to ourselves we would appreciate your input. We look forward to hearing from you in the near future. Best Regards, for Elite Family Specialists CIC Dee Bracken Director Tel. 0191 516 0167 Mob. 07721619818 E-Mail d.bracken@sky.com

Hi N., Please look for these arrows below: ====> On Jan 9, 2008 2:28 PM, N. wrote: Good afternoon, I purchased your e-book last night, and as I am reading it, it seems to be more appropriate for teens. (I just started looking thru). ===> There are some age-specific parenting strategies, but as long as your child is living in your home, 98% of the techniques will apply regardless of age. 2 yrs ago our dream of becoming parents became true through adoption when we were match up with 3 adorable siblings. Our daughter is 5yrs and her twin brothers are 4. We are blessed, they are adorable children, but we are having behavioral problems with our daughter. She seems to be able to control herself when we are at home or when ever I'm around (I 'm very firm with them and one way or another she seem to listen to me) but the minute I leave her side she becomes in a little devil. At school she is driving everyone crazy. And the worst is that the twins are starting ...

Mark: I need help. We (my ex-wife and myself) cannot get our daughter to go to school. When she lived with me she missed nearly all of her freshmen year. She is a sophomore at Anderson High School. She has missed most of this year. She claims that she is sick all the time. However, it seems funny to me that she is never sick on the weekends nor was she sick during Christmas vacation. It is apparent to me that she just doesn't want to go to school. She has been to the Anderson Center. We have went to court where the Judge awarded my ex-wife temporary physical custody of my daughter. Now that she lives with her, my ex has the same issues that I had with our daughter. She just will not go to school on a regular basis. Please advise what can we do to resolve this issue. All I want is for my daughter to be in school to get her education. Sincerely, T. ``````````````````````` Hi T., Going to school usually is an exciting, enjoyable event for children. For some it brings in...

Dear Mark, Well, my daughter turned 18 and she did move out with her boyfriend and his mother. I heard she did not go to school today. I am wondering what responsibility do I have with her still in school? Maybe this is the wrong question to ask, but I am trying to make sense of this. I want you know that I did say they could date, but she would still have to obey our guidelines in our home. She didn't think she could do this, so she wanted out. Thank you, M. `````````````````` Hi M., I think it's good that she's out - that's o.k. for everybody. She doesn't have to attend school at her age - it's optional. She'll eventually realize she needs to at least get a GED. She won't want to work at McDonald's her whole life. Look at her as more like an adult friend now (rather than your "pain-in-the-ass" daughter). Mark Online Parent Support

Hi L., Please look for my comments where you see these arrows: =======> Dear Mark, I'm writing again about my adopted girl now 14 years old. As you know we have been having problems with her since she was around 10. We have been through the whole counseling routine, where she manipulates and all, but now are involved in a so called family counseling service and for the most part I think they have been very good at not letting her call the shots and call her on things they see, instead of everything being the parents fault. I not saying we haven't made mistakes, the main one being as parents we do disagree on some of the accepted behaviors.   Since we cannot agree on how to discipline even when we agree on the rules, this has left her open to manipulate one of us, usually my husband. She basically knows what I will accept and since I have tried to remove the emotion from my statements and have tried to put the ball in her court as far as relationship goes, she has...