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Thank you. One more thing. I've gotta ask - is your name Mark Hutten or Mark Huttenlocker. Which one, and why two names? That makes me a little nervous. Thanks. _______________________________________________________ Actually, my name is Mark Hutten-Locker, but this name seems to confuse everybody. So in an attempt to make my life a bit easier, I chop off the "Locker" part (except in those cases where my full name is needed, of course). Hope this isn't too confusing. Please just call me Mark Hutten. Thanks! Mark Hutten

Mark, I continue to use your strategies from the online book. We continue to have fewer and less intense discussions with our son. In fact, they happen very rarely now. The issue we still struggle with is getting him to open up and communicate with us. An example, last night he worked. Typically his shift is from 4 pm to ~ 9 pm. He came home ~8:30. After saying hello, I asked "I'm surprised to see you this early. Weren't you busy tonight?" His reply was a one-word answer, "No". I do realize that I didn't form the question the correct way and I allowed him the option of a one-word answer. But in trying to keep the conversation going, all I got were grunts and more one-word answers. Mark, on a typical day, if we hear 50 words from him we are lucky. There is very little conversation at the dinner table when we eat together and like last night, many of the conversations end with me running out of things to talk about and him going on his way to som...

Show That You Think Education and Homework Are Important Children need to know that their family members think homework is important. If they know their families care, children have a good reason to complete assignments and to turn them in on time. You can do many things to show that your child that you value education and homework. Set a Regular Time for Homework Having a regular time to do homework helps children to finish assignments. The best schedule is one that works for your child and your family. What works well in one household may not work in another. Of course, a good schedule depends in part on your child's age as well as her specific needs. For instance, one child may do homework best in the afternoon, completing homework first or after an hour of play and another may do it best after dinner. However, don't let your child leave homework to do just before bedtime. Your child's outside activities, such as sports or music lessons, may mean that you need a flexible...

We have a crisis on our hands. We have twin daughters who are 27 years old who are still behaving like rebellious teenagers....which is why I got your ebook on teenage problems...because that is how they have been behaving for some time now. Even years we think. We want these girls to move out of our home by 1st March. They are not paying us rent ....they are not helping with anything around the house. We live on a dairy farm and they say because they were born here and they love the place. They just want to stay here and feed a horse, a dog, and 3 cats. Just lately they have been taking away belongings of theirs and selling them. We are starting to think they even may be taking some of our things but cannot be sure. They both have an applied science degree - one has it in Landscape Management ...the other has it in Resource Management. So they are not inarticulate by any means and have been given opportunities. One has spent over a year overseas in Britain - the other ...

On February 21, 2007, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) directed the manufacturers of all drug products approved for the treatment of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) to develop Patient Medication Guides to alert patients to possible cardiovascular risks and risks of adverse psychiatric symptoms associated with the medicines, and to advise them of precautions that can be taken. The FDA is working closely with manufacturers of all ADHD medicines to include important information in the product labeling and in developing new Patient Medication Guides to better inform doctors and patients about the serious risks associated with the use of the following drugs: · Adderall (mixed salts of a single entity amphetamine product) Tablets · Adderall XR (mixed salts of a single entity amphetamine product) Extended-Release Capsules · Concerta (methylphenidate hydrochloride) Extended-Release Tablets · Daytrana (methylphenidate) Transdermal System · Desoxyn (methamphetamin...

Hey Mark, I have read the book and think I am learning. However I guess like most parents I am concerned with what the result of my daughter’s action will be. So getting to the point, my daughter is not completely out of control, however I am trying to prevent that from happening, because as I mentioned before I know that she has drank and smoked pot. I TRULY believe that it's recreational and NOT a problem, and as I keep on open mind I am watching very closely to any sign if it should be a problem. However that isn't by main concern right now. What I am concerned with is her not respecting my curfew and it's certainly not by hours later that she returns but minutes at a time, and to me that is still not respecting what I given her for a curfew. As I mentioned she is 17 and driving (has her own car). She has broken her curfew more than once and I have made her stay in 1-2 days, taken the car away etc... and I thought it was working because when she's able to go back out...

Hi Mark, Since I wrote you, a question with which I need some help has popped into my mind. My son is 16 and in the 11th grade. He has been in a deep depression since the end of October. He is beginning to pull out of it a little bit. Meds still are not exactly right and will take a couple more months to get right because two of them require very slow dosing (lamictal and trileptal). When my son just turned 12 and was entering the 7th grade, he became actively suicidal. It took almost the whole academic year to figure out what was going on meds-wise and get him stable. Since then, he's done a therapeutic wilderness camp, had lots of therapy, done neurofeedback, and has been wonderful for three years until the downturn in the fall, which was related to an undiagnosed case of hypothyroidism and going down on his meds (since he was stable for so long). Since this latest depression, my husband and I have laid off on all requirements. Now, we find ourselves with a kid who is resistant t...

Question: I am a “bitch” Mark ...can u tell me if I did anything wrong? …let me give u some background ...daughter’s boyfriend keeps sneaking in her bedroom at nights ...I told him not to, but he kept doing it, and one day they sneaked him into her bedroom and hid in the attic closet when I came home and they didn’t expect me.... the closest is right over my living room ...the ceiling didn’t hold my daughter's boyfriend's body weight and it destroyed my ceiling of my living room (cost over $100 to fix it). Well after everything that I told her he was not welcome onto my land anymore. I have warned her many times about him being on my land. Well today I took her to school and then she asked me if I could pick her up after school ...and I said sure, and then she said that Justin (her b/f) was going to be here and could I give him a ride, and I said no. I wasn’t going to give her friends rides all over the place. Then she said fine I will walk home... Well she came...

I have read your ebook and found it easy to understand and value the suggestions/examples given in the book. I have attempted to start the assignments in the book BUT the problem I have is convincing my husband to read and initiate the parenting strategies. What’s the best way to motivate my husband to at least get him to consider implementing these strategies? ----------------- A weaker plan supported by both parents is better than a stronger plan supported by only one parent. I would simply summarize for him the important points and then model for him the strategies that you want him to begin to implement. If he simply does not want to use a particular strategy, then you would do well to strike some sort of compromise with him. The compromise may be a "watered-down" version of the real thing, but again, that's better than the two of you being on separate pages. Mark www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

Hi Mark, My question is: Is it realistic to insist on appropriate attitude, respect and tone of voice from my daughter at this beginning stage, and if so can you make some suggestions? Thanks, happyfeet -------------- Actually, "insisting" is not part of our methodology. We simply: (a) state the rules, (b) state the consequences for breaking the rules, and (c) follow through with implementing the consequence if the rule is broken. You can’t really stop a child from breaking the rules. She already knows what the rules are, and it gets old trying to convince her not to break rules. But...   You can deliver a consequence in a way that doesn’t accidentally reward her for negative behavior. And you can give your child your energy when things are going right rather than when they are going wrong. Say to your daughter, "You know the rules. If you want to break the rules, there's a consequence -- no big deal. You decide."     ==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help fo...

"We need more than parent coaching - we need an exorcist! Do your services include exorcism (lol)? Our daughter is the most selfish, insensitive teenager alive today - or so you would think if you had to live with her." When a teenager seems insensitive or selfish, it is because she is in too much emotional pain to be able to consider the parent's feelings. Pain interferes with listening and with understanding where the parent is coming from. This is particularly hard to understand when the teenager hides her pain with rage or with the "silent-treatment." Sometimes kids behave in manipulative, hurtful ways not because they think this will change the parent's behavior, but because they honestly feel they are doing the best they can given the circumstances. If we, as parents, think our children do bad things because they have evil intentions, we may give up trying to influence them, become afraid of them, get angry with them, seek revenge, etc....

What can you tell me about NVLD, and what can a parent do? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Non-verbal Learning Disability (NVLD or NLD) is very like Asperger Syndrome (AS). AS and NVLD are generally thought to describe pretty much the same kind of disorder, but to differ in severity—with AS describing more severe symptoms. Signs of NVLD include: · Great vocabulary and verbal expression · Excellent memory skills · Attention to detail, but misses the big picture · Trouble understanding reading · Difficulty with math, especially word problems · Poor abstract reasoning · Physically awkward; poor coordination · Messy and laborious handwriting · Concrete thinking; taking things very literally · Trouble with nonverbal communication, like body language, facial expression and tone of voice · Poor social skills; difficulty making and keeping friends · Fear of new situations · Trouble adjusting to changes · May be very naïve and lack common sens...

I just logged onto your site for the first time and wonder if your tips can help us- a single parent with a 15 year old son who matches most of the factors you list in the behavior list AND as a result we are seeking residential placement before he does something really bad. He is a kid with great potential in spite of a low IQ and a school system, which is not meeting his needs. He has NVLD, which is not recognized by the school, and I cannot get them to understand that he needs different accommodations, not isolation in a special-ed classroom, which he hates. Thanks. ================ Of course my bias would be to err on the side of trying the parenting strategies in my ebook first. Unless you will be sending him to a boarding school for at least a year, you will be wasting a lot of time and money on placement. Keep in mind that I counsel kids who are struggling [just like your son], and I also work for a youth center that has 4 residential facilities. What I see is that the kid does ...

My daughter has arranged one week's work experience at a local police station. She is actually considering becoming a police constable or studying criminology or social work. But right now she can be defiant. Could this be dangerous for her? I thought it would be good to meet local role models and police who will know her personally in the area etc., and she has to sign something to guarantee she will keep confidentiality and dress and behave appropriately. I just want to make sure this doesn't fall into the intrigue category. I'm worried that any other work experience will bore her and this "bites" time. What are you thoughts? Y. ________________ This does fall into the “intrigue category,” but the intrigue will most likely involve the “high-intensity” of police work and the risks involved -- rather than the “high-intensity” associated with breaking the law, being a criminal, etc. I think this is a good move. It’s very common for intense youth to sublima...

"Last night my apartment was broken into and my car was stolen. I am sad to say that I think it was my 13-year-old son and some of his friends. My son has recently been directed to reside with his father. He is not happy with this decision and keeps running away. He is has been taken into custody a few times recently and in court he agrees to go to his fathers then runs. I was away working for a couple of days and came home to a broken kitchen window and remains of a party in the living area. My car keys and house keys have been taken. I woke up later last night someone was in the apartment when they realised I was there, they left quickly, and then I realised my car was no longer parked outside. I have reported it to the police...do you have any advice?" Click here for the answer to this dilemma...

Mom's Question: "Hi Mark, I know you hear from so many parents, you probably would not remember my story, but I emailed you a while ago about my daughter. She left home, telling people she was kicked out, and has moved in with her 21 yr old boyfriend (that she only met Christmas past). He has his own problems ....unemployed, recovering drug addict, etc. Well, my daughter is gone almost a month now. I have tried to be supportive, telling her that this will always be her home, if things are not what she thought they would be or she just needs a break from her boyfriend, that the door is open. I tried to keep the lines of communication open, which is hard, because I do not condone what she has done. I still find it hard to believe that she has done this with no consideration whatsoever for her father or me. She is barely 17. To get to my point, my daughter appears or certainly acts like she could care less if she ever sees me. She has called a few times, but n...

Mark, My 17 year old daughter who, up until now has been an absolute delight to raise, has become friends with a group of "undesirables". She and I have done nothing but argue since she became friends with them and as a consequence she packed her bags and went to her grandmothers to live for a week. She is playing the "I can do what I want when I want" game very well as she has her licence and her own car. As soon as she gets home from work she is in that car, hanging around the streets with these people (who don’t work and have nothing better to do). No need to tell you most of them are from a family of parents who care little about their children or have no control over what they do and where they go. Whilst she is not actually doing anything illegal I cannot seem to get through to her that she will get the reputation of the people she is hanging with. The group has been in trouble with the police on more than one occasion on vandalism, petty theft, minor tr...

Have you heard anything about HEG? D.Z. __________________ Yes ... hemoencephalography (HEG) biofeedback is similar to electroencephalogram (EEG) biofeedback in that it is a drugless treatment for several conditions (e.g., ADD/ADHD, autistic disorders, mood disorders, etc.). HEG biofeedback does not involve electrodes like EEG biofeedback does. Instead, special infrared optical biosensors are used. HEG training occurs while the patient watches a video (of her/his choice). The goal is for the patient to learn to self-regulate the brain's frontal lobe activation (just as with EEG biofeedback). There's some debate regarding whether EEG is a more or less effective treatment than HEG biofeedback. Mark 

Hi Mark, I just wanted to say thank you so much for putting up with those of us who do a lot of whining. When I first emailed you, I said, "It's not working." Then you email back and said, "What's 'it'." Then I said, "The program." Then you said something and I was so pissed -- you said, "If the program is not working, it's because you are not working the program." After I stopped feeling sorry for myself, I realized I had "half-ass-ed" it ...I had skimmed over the material, didn't listen to the lecture portions, didn't really invest the time or energy to do this thing right -- my bad! I went back to the blackboard and read everything ...listened to everything, and started getting busy. Now, I'm happy to say that I am really making good progress. I guess I just wanted to take shortcuts. As you said "there can be no half-measures ...half measures will be the kiss of failure." Thanks again for you...

"How do I get my teenage son (rather defiant) to study?" Here's some pointers: 1. Don't do the assignments yourself. It's not your homework—it's your child's. 2. Help your child to make a schedule and put it in a place where you'll see it often. Writing out assignments will get him used to the idea of keeping track of what's due and when. 3. Provide a book bag or backpack for your child to carry homework to and from school. 4. Provide homework folders in which your child can tuck his assignments for safekeeping. This will help him to stay organized. 5. Help your child manage time to complete assignments. For example, if your eighth grader has a biology report due in three weeks, discuss all the steps she needs to take to complete it on time, including: selecting a topic doing the research by looking up books and other materials on the topic and taking notes figuring out what questions to discuss drafting an outline ...

Mark, Thank you for your support on the children. I am one who purchased your book for my sister-in-law who has an OOCT to say the least. I have tried to support her, but avoid family feud and need some help. If I need to purchase another book/license, that will be fine with me since it is 2 users you are supporting. My sister-in-law's daughter will be 17 in November. She’s lower on developmental and social areas and quit school 3 years ago due to nobody being able to deal with her. Her mother (R) took her out of school and stated she would Home-school her, which never happened since her daughter will just not do anything. R has to work and some of us have tried to help her out such as my other sister-in-law trying to work with her on Home school material (when it was finally purchased after a year). I enrolled her (with teens & R's agreement) in a Kumon program, and my mother-in-law has tried too. What happens? Every time it seems to start working the teen goes into a fit...

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 ==> www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com - Discipline that works for defiant teens!

Hi A., I’ve made some comments below. Please look for the arrows: >>>>>>>>>>> I have a 14 year old son with ODD. I need advice on step one of lesson one of your parenting program (apologizing, preparing him for change). I have tried this approach with him in the past. It causes him to go into an all out episode that tends to last for a month. He feels it gives him permission to blame everything on us. >>>>>>>>>>> Just omit the apology part. Include all the rest, because he deserves to know that some parenting changes are coming; he needs a “heads-up” on this. He says were just lying because he knows that we don't believe what we're saying, even though HE knows we ARE to blame. It does not get him to admit that he is even part of the problem. And like I stated, this goes on for about a month. >>>>>>>>>> The strategy does not include ‘getting him to admit his part.’ So, my questions a...

My 16 yr old daughter rec'd F's and we are not allowing her to get her drivers license until her grades are c or better. Are we doing the right thing? _________________ Hi L., Re: poor academic performance, please go to www.myoutofcontrolteen.com/q-a and read this email from a parent: "My son brings home straight F's on his report cards. I ground him for the entire grading period, but he continues to fail in nearly all subjects. I know my son is a bright kid and can do the work when he wants to. What can I do to motivate him?" -- B. R. Re: withholding her driver’s license, please review the following page: www.myoutofcontrolteen.com/rely Given that we as parents want to (a) get out of the business of playing teacher, dean, vice-principal, etc., and (b) foster the development of self-reliance, the answer to your question is “no” – parents are not doing the right thing by not allowing a teenager to get her driver’s license. Whenever you are undecided about wha...

My wife and I have a 16-year-old daughter that we "discovered" was sneaking out of the house at night, partying etc. Once we confronted her, she and a neighbor girl ran away for about a day and a half. Since then she has been to 6-8 counseling sessions with no immediate results. We found you site and put your suggestions into practice now for about two weeks. She became very angry at first, but as privileges were taken away, she backed down some. My question is how do you know when it is over the top? If she threatens to run away again do we immediately call the police? We are just wondering what to do if it ever escalates to that level again. Ironically she is a very good student 3.7 GPA despite sneaking out a couple times a week on weeknight. _________ >>>>>>>>>>>How do you know when it is over the top? Well …make sure you are not grounding or taking away privileges for too long – more on this here: www.myoutofcontrolteen.com (see “...