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Showing posts from July, 2007

Behavior Contracts

The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University reported in their sixth annual national teen substance abuse survey that parents who are "'hands-on' – parents who have established a household culture of rules and expectations for their teens' behavior – raise children who are less at risk of smoking, drinking and using drugs." In addition, they said "Contrary to conventional wisdom, teens in 'hands-on' households are more likely to have an excellent relationship with their parents than teens with 'hands-off' parents." The survey concluded that, "parents should be parents to their teenagers, not pals." Behavior contracts are one of the simplest but most overlooked techniques available to help parents through the difficult preteen and teenage years. When used properly, written contracts can be incredibly successful in preventing or stopping unwanted behavior. Behavior contracts work because ...

Out-of-Control 14-Year-Old

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Hi Mark I need help... My son is 14 and I am finding it extremely difficult to live with him...a lot of the time he is disrespectful and rude, he has told me in the past that he can do what he wants and a lot of the time he does...When he is getting something or things are going his way he is nice as pie but if not... who knows??? We do have some good times, but it feels like most of the time there are problems...When he was on a curfew he was home a lot in the evenings we enjoyed cooking together and sometimes he helps around the house especially if he wants money. He has stolen money from me, stolen bottles of alcohol, he has been taken to the hospital twice for being inebriated. He has been out for days an end without letting me know where he is...He even stole my car one night... One time along time ago he pulled a knife on me, he has smashed in our front door...he has scratched graffiti into lots of doors windows, etc... around our apartment. He has torn up photos o...

How Do They Earn Their Way Off Discipline?

I understand what you are saying and I agree with your analysis. This is what we did for many years when E___ was very small. I never felt safe leaving the 2 kids alone. The last few days I have been successful in keeping my 'poker face' although i see that I have to work on being consistent and keeping to the said consequence. Here is a scenario that just played out. My kids say I am being unfair. Could you please give me some feedback and any advice? This afternoon I was taking my kids B___ 11 yo (the intense one) and E___ 7 yo to the grocery store and said we would get an ice cream. As I stopped for gas they got into an argument and started hitting and punching each other. I have recently put into place a consequence of a half hour in their room for any throwing or physical violence. So I said that we would have to go home so they could have their time out. After I finished paying I came back and they were calm and had 'made up' as they called it. (This is w...

I intend to make a fresh start for us...

Hi Mark, My out of control teen is staying with family over the summer and won't be back till three days before the start of school. He stays with a disciplinarian uncle who has a 15-year old son who is close to Daniel. His uncle's observation of him is that he is a very smart kid who will manipulate anyone he can. He is a very good kid there, listens very well, and follows the rules well. According to family, he gained some weight, well-groomed and his looks is so improved. I don't talk to him much because I want him to absorb all the discipline there. When he gets back, I intend to make a fresh start for us. He will be in 8th grade. I will spell in much more clear terms the rules, expectations and the consequences. His being disrespectful, poor grades and bad attitude is what gets to me. I intend to address these with him. Any suggestions? Thank you, L. `````````` Please refer to the Q & A page: Emails From Parents

JUST THANK YOU

THIS IS ABOUT MY 10 YEAR OLD GRANDSON WHOM I HAVE BEEN WITH ALMOST EVERY DAY SINCE HE AND HIS TWIN SISTER WERE BORN. FOR B_____, THERE HAVE BEEN MANY PSYCHIATRIC VISITS AND ONE RECENT HOSPITALIZATION AT A PROMINENT CHILD PSYCH FACILITY, YET NOTHING HAS EVER BEEN GIVEN TO HELP THOSE CAREGIVERS WHO ARE WITH B____ MOST OF THE WAKING DAY. YOUR BOOK WAS THE FIRST. I PERUSED IT THIS WEEK AND GOT: 1ST - HAVE A POKER FACE WHEN DEALING WITH THIS CHILD BECAUSE "CONVENTIONAL METHODS DO NOT WORK." 2ND - DON'T ARGUE - LET IT BE A "TEMPER TANTRUM" NOT A 2-WAY FIGHT …AND, OF COURSE, I MARKED MANY, MANY PAGES. THERE IS, THANKFULLY, ATTENTION NOW BEING GIVEN TO RESEARCH IN YOUTH PSYCHIATRY. WELL, NO QUESTION NOW, JUST THANK YOU. J.B. My Out-of-Control Teen

I have some hope...

Mark, I just found your website and am very interested. I received your eBook last night and started reading it. You have written it for me! My 13 year old son and I have a meeting with his probation officer this afternoon, between him and your online support I have some hope. K___ has been seeing counselors for the past 4 years. He has never done well in a school setting. He does not get along well with other kids and has real issues with authority. All of his behaviors I either thought could be managed or he would outgrow. Instead things have escalated. He is an angry young guy and I just don't understand him most of the time. He lies most of the time and when we do talk I don't know what is real and what isn't. At the same time that I am so frustrated with him, I also know that there is a very sensitive and caring person in him. He is very talented artistically and has a very creative mind. Pointed in the right direction, he will do awesome things. I just need ...

Parenting Program for Troubled Teens

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==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Anything to get a response...

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"Hi Mark, I was quite impressed with what I read [in your eBook] and realize that I need to get more consistent with my kids (aged 11 and 7). My 11 yo daughter is the strong-willed one. One question I have is how to deal with their fighting. My daughter likes to have constant interaction and even when my son (7) wants to be by himself, she walks by and tries to provoke him, or bully him into playing - anything to get a response. He finally blows up and throws something at her and she claims she did nothing. Often they do play well together, but just as often they bicker, hurl insults, and physically hurt each other. We have gone through phases of ignoring it, sitting them down and trying to get them to work things out (never worked) …now we just send both of them to their rooms for a half an hour or an hour. What is the best tactic? Thanks, L." ```````````````````````````` Hi L., This may not be true in your case, but what I find most often with parents who say ...

It Was Just A "Mistake"

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Initially I signed on as a teacher looking for signs and strategies to deal with high school-age students. I am now seeing some of the behaviours I was afraid of in my own son, now 13. This weekend we were invited to a family friend's cottage. They gave him several gifts, but when we returned home, it appears as if he may have stolen from them. Specifically, the boys (adults and children) went out fishing. My son borrowed a fishing lure from our host and caught a nice fish with it. The next day the lure was in his tackle box. When confronted he denied stealing it and claimed it must have been a mix-up. Maybe he put his in our host's tackle box and kept the host's. We made him call the owner a report the "mistake" and make arrangements to make the exchange the next time we were in town. Despite all opportunities to confess his wrongdoing he maintains that he is innocent. I don't believe it. What do I do next? K. `````````````````` You've done all you need ...

Abort or Adopt?

Teen Pregnancy: The Pros & Cons of Abortion In the U.S., ‘teen’ abortion accounts for nearly 20% of all procedures of this nature. The average age of those receiving abortions is dropping from 19 to 17. Although the teen pregnancy rate has declined in the United States over the last ten years, the percentages have actually increased. Teens are more likely to: (a) make a snap judgment and try to cover up their pregnancy from their parents by having an abortion; (b) to report having wanted to keep the baby, higher levels of feeling misinformed in pre-abortion counseling, less satisfaction with abortion services and greater post-abortion stress; and (c) use immature coping strategies such as projection of their problems on to others, denial, or "acting out." Teens who abort are: (a) 2 to 4 times more likely to commit suicide than adults who abort (a history of abortion is likely to be associated with adolescent suicidal thinking); (b) more likely to develop psychologic...

My son made somewhat of an about-face-turn...

Mark, Thanks for the email. My son made somewhat of an about-face-turn a couple of months ago. Things aren't always perfect everyday, but he seems to have really grown. My being patient & truly listening seemed to make him respect me more. He has made a lot of promises that I intend to help him keep. He promises to do much better in school his last two years. He has some making up to do. But I have no doubt he will pull through. I allowed the purchase of another vehicle, a 1996 Mustang, as he thought he had a job, through a friend of his, but the job didn't happen. He knows I can't afford another vehicle 100% & his dad doesn't help a whole lot, so I try to keep him positive in continuing in his job search. His part in it will be to repay me half, $2000. I work about 45 minutes from home, so another vehicle really was needed when he does find one. And too, I figured it would give him something to appreciate since he seems to be making wiser choices. The other nig...

Pick Your Battles Carefully

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HI Mark, Thanks for checking in. Life is okay for now. We booted our oldest daughter out after the party in the house, she is now living in an apartment with a friend, so things have really gotten better at home, not having that stress. She seems to be doing okay. I don’t like her partying, but she is starting college in the fall and will be working, so hopefully that will tone down. I do have a question. I have a 12 year old daughter at home now, that is wonderful don’t get me wrong. But I was curious, when I am issuing her a consequence she rolls her eyes and looks away very upset with arms crossed and often storms out of the room and slams her door. Is this something that I should have an issue with? She follows through with the consequences that have been issued, but I just wonder how much I should make of the door slamming and eye rolling. Thanks for your advice. P. ``````````````````````` Hi P., I would put the “eye-rolling/door slamming” in a file named Don’t Fight...

"My Out-of-Control Teen" eBook on CD.

I would like to say how useful your [audio] CDs are. I was wondering if you had ever considered producing some for the kids??? I am thinking that hearing you talk would link them into information that they need to hear about themselves, about behaviours, about the effects of conditions and the possibilities of how different strategies can bring about alteration and change. My idea is that you educated them, as well as parents. What do you think? I am really hopeful about this idea. Maybe it wouldn't work for some, depending on their nature, but it could work for others. Thanks for all your support. I really do think that it is time all teachers, social workers, youth workers, mental health doctors, began to further their education with your direction! Go safely. "My Out-of-Control Teen" eBook on CD.

I JUST HAVE TO DO IT...

MARK- THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE GREAT ADVICE. I DO UNDERSTAND AND AGREE WITH YOUR POINTS. I JUST HAVE TO DO IT WITH MY TEENS. I WILL PRINT OUT YOUR EMAIL-CONSULTATION AND RE-READ IT MANY TIMES. HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND AND I WILL TRY MY BEST. THANKS AGAIN. I AM VERY HAPPY AND COMFORTED THAT I JOINED YOUR CLASS. T.S. Join Online Parent Support

We don't have boot camps here...

Hi Mark – I've now had a chance to review your parenting strategies. Living in the UK, there are some limitations on the effectiveness of those strategies, simply due to your natural focus on the USA. We don't have boot camps here, and there is sadly very little "preventative" work done or actual "practical" support for young people and families. My role is to provide mediation and one-to-one support for challenging young people aged 10-16 years. I have a huge geographic area to cover and a gigantic waiting list! Do you know of anyone in the UK who is actively putting your ideas into practice? I will be discussing your work with some of my colleagues who work in Social Services, and pass on their responses, to you. Regards P.S. - Gravesend (near London), Kent. United Kingdom ``````````````````````````````` Hi P., Re: Do you know of anyone in the UK who is actively putting your ideas into practice? Unfortunately 'no' ...this is why we spent the time/e...

Join Online Parent Support

Dear Brother, Greetings in Jesus Name From India. I am Manoj from Kerala (South India) working as an Evangelist for 12 years in Northern Part of India properly called Greater Noida. I am working among the children in a school. I am married recently and doing the ministry. I am greatly in need of some help …then I have seen your site. I could know that you help the family too. Can I have more details about it? Looking forward hopefully to hear from you. Manoj `````````````````` Hi Manoj, When parents have finally had enough disrespect and behavior problems with their child, they come to my office to file an incorrigibility charge (i.e., a legal complaint due to the child being unruly and delinquent in the home). At this point, I ask the parent, "Would you be willing to try something else first before we consider filing the charge." And most parents agree they would rather not involve their child in the "juvenile justice system" unless they absolutely have to. So I ...

Undiagnosed ADHD & CD?

HI Mark, I'm sure you must be sick of me by now but believe me when I say, you are the only person I have found in nearly 7 years who knows how to handle CD and ODD. Your advice is practical and sound, and it WORKS. I can’t thank you enough for your advice and guidance …it has changed the whole dynamic of our home. Yes, I know what your answer would be and I am proud to say we stuck to our guns, and C___ chose to go. Well, the door is open if he changes his mind. Yes, he chose to leave rather than face the rather lenient (compared to previous restrictions), 3 day discipline. And it is a lot easier to let him go now. I know this sounds cold, but my younger boys need a peaceful, stable home and I know that C___ is resourceful. He will never starve or go dirty. He has been raised with the finer things, believe me, if he wasn’t able to wash/condition his lovely hair he would be home quick smart. I have been reading the other posts and I thought you may be interested that my younger son...

I hate labels...

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Mark- My son L___ who is twelve is challenging at home but I have learnt many coping strategies over the years. L___ has been put on the gifted register by his geography teacher but there are not many of his teachers that can cope with his 'behaviour and attitude'. I have read your reports on disorders and I have considered L___ could have ODD long before now. I had never considered ADHD, but after reading up on it tonight, he displays many of these traits. What do I do with a gifted child whom I am already struggling to get teachers to understand his needs, if it is possible that this is being compromised by possibly ODD and ADHD. I also worry because I feel it is to easy these days to label a child with some kind of deficit disorder. I hate labels as they tend to stick. ````````````` Hi L., Several quick points here: 1st - ODD rarely travels alone. ODD usually occurs alongside another disorder (usually ADHD). 2nd - Parent Education Training (PET) is the standard, recommended ...

Right or Privilege?

Mark, One quick question: With the 3-day-discipline, what if the things they love (i.e., tv, playstation, etc.) are things they have purchased for themselves. Do we still take them away? >>>>>>>>>> No. If it is their stuff, then it is also their "right" (not privilege) to use the stuff. www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

Have you ever heard of a case like mine...

hi mark, i was wondering if you have ever heard of a case like mine. I divorced my bi-polar husband 9 years ago. our youngest son was 8 at the time with 12 and 13 year old sisters. i didn't have problems for several years with my ex interfering. he basically didn't want the kids when they were younger. he couldn't handle the responsibility and often forgot to pick them up on his weekends. when my middle wild child was 15, she was caught drinking at the county fair, i grounded her from the next night of the fair, and told her she would be on a very short leash until further notice. she ran away and was missing for a week. she made it appear that she jumped out of a window high enough to break her ankles or whatever. this was a ploy, i found out later. anyway, needless to say i was frantic, and spent days calling around until i found out where she was. i asked her father to go with me to get her, he said to just let her go and she’d call me. he called to say she was wi...

"Professionals" are still talking about 'time-outs'...

I downloaded your ebook a while ago, and it is great. I have spoken to you for help along the way. My children's names are E____ (who has ASD), M____ (she's 11), and J____ (he's 13 with some ASD difficulties). I am a Qualified Primary schoolteacher and have been specialising in helping parents and students in the area of 'challenging behaviour'. Recently I changed my job and am now working with a lot of schools around creating safer emotional and physical environments. This means working with teachers, students, parents and the communities. I was wondering if you have anything in New Zealand as far as training is concerned, as a lot of the difficulties that the parents are coming across would be massively helped with your teachings. They are surrounded by professionals who are still talking about time-out consequences and behaviour reinforcements. Many of these parents have had years of this, and as you say have 'dipped in and out' often depending on how m...

My son has been coming home at 3 in the morning...

My son has been coming home at 3 in the morning but his curfew time is 10 pm. I have been asking him to come home on time but he's starting to come later and later. This is stressing me out and I can go to sleep until he comes home. What can I do? Please help. ````````````````````````````````````````````` If your child is not home by curfew, you should treat the situation as though he is a 'runaway'. You may need to go to your local Juvenile Probation department and file an incorrigibility complaint. Please refer to the Q & A page for recommendations regarding "running away." James Craig, Online Parent Support Staff ==> To get full access to www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com along with ongoing Parent Coaching from Mark Hutten, M.A., join Online Parent Support .

My daughter is 14 and has run away from home...

My daughter is 14 and has run away from home for the third time and will not come home. She is staying with my parents and it kills me. This is the 2nd time I have had her cited by the police. I hated to do it, but I felt I had no choice. When asking her why she runs away she said it is because of the following: I am a bitch and I won't let her do anything and I make her do chores. Yes I do make her do some chores like the dishes. Because of her behavior she has been unable to go places: cutting school, failing grades, sneaking out, smoking pot, etc. I told her that once this behavior stopped she would earn my trust again and start over going places. HELP! What do I do? Single mom in California ```````````````````````````````````` Hi Single Mom in California, Your daughter is exhibiting Oppositional Defiant Disorder tendencies. Please CLICK HERE for a full report on this disorder. ==> To get full access to www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com along with ongoing Parent Coachin...

From St. Paul's Preparatory Academy

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I have worked for the school for over twenty years in various positions including therapist, Director of Residential Life, Dean of Counseling, Dean of Students. Recently we have established the position of Parent Liaison to assist parents with the challenges of having their son in a boarding school and I have moved into this role. In addition to being a mentor for the parents, I will also be conducting parenting workshops through the year. I am also working on a school based website that will offer assistance to our parents, and am pleased to be offering a link to your web site and book. Your book and web site is an excellent source of guidance and support for all parents, not just those of troubled teens. Best regards, Jim Graves, MC Parent Liaison St. Paul's Preparatory Academy Educating Young Men Since 1961 ``````````` eBook ==> My Out-of-Control Teen Website ==> www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

I DIDN'T REACT

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Hello Mark, Well, I don't want to jinx myself because C___ has only been home for one week and I am aware this is a honeymoon phase, but let me cautiously say, it is definitely working so far. And really, who needs botox once you have perfected the "poker face"? In my case, I have been fairly expressionless all week! Also in our favour is that he has picked up a part time job, which requires him to be responsible, organised, and courteous to customers, which is all fantastic. He still asks me to do everything for him, like driving him to work, ironing his uniform etc...I will drive him if it is nighttime or raining, otherwise he has had to find his own way there. I am very proud of him, (and me for sticking to my guns). I have made the effort to praise him on little things through the week, even if he was spitting venom at me merely 30 minutes before hand. And his stepfather has initiated conversation with him, those open-ended questions worked treat. (That relationship ...

Sign me "an obligated parent..."

Hi Mark, I will tell you that I've done the first two steps and I'm still reading, but I wanted to have a copy handy electronically to build a cheat sheet and mold my mantras. Thanks so much for writing this, I was a little hesitant at first when I was browsing your site...but in the end, I was more like...it can't hurt and if it teaches me one thing...then for that I will be a better parent. Your statement you make in the first step "I have an obligation to you, my child, as a parent to..." That statement alone made me a better parent. I've said it to my son and I've said to others in my life who would like to be a bigger priority in my life. This statement has made things even more clear to me...as a single parent and for that I'll always be grateful. Thanks again. Sign me "an obligated parent who gladly accepts the honor of releasing into this world (eventually) an upstanding, independent, responsible, young, adult male." Grac...

CF Officer Works With Out-of-Control Youth

Mark, I am an Officer in the Canadian Forces Reserve (CIC) and my Branch of the CF deals with youth training (ages 12 to 19). I currently command my own unit. I am always dealing with youth who are either out-of-control, or have a tendency to get out-of-control. I also work with a Special Needs camp for teens with behavioral problems, and melt-downs are not uncommon. I have found your e-book and power point presentations an excellent source of information at opening up the line of communication with these kids. My own children are 4 and 6. They are not out-of-control teens, but I feel that the information you have given me will allow me to set the ground rules to allow for a great "teen experience". I am fully aware of "inclusion," and I empower my kids now to behave well for me by allowing them to set the limits in a task, trip, or outing, so they feel like it's there work paying off. I know at age 6 the concept may be lost, but I feel what they learn from it w...

13-Year-Old Refuses To Go To Camp

Mark: I have a 13-year-old who is refusing to go to a gifted and talented camp he registered for. He says he would not have if I hadn't pressured him to. I have explained he could have refused then as much as he is now. Our school spent over $500 on this. I do not have lots of money to pay it back and neither does he. I think he is afraid to do something alone and new. It is a week long and away from home. There are 2 others from his class of 10 that will be there, but both girls. He has gotten a little clingy at times--at others, he is willing to be gone for hours/overnight with no concern. Help! J. `````````````````````````` I wouldn’t force him to go. Is there anyone else who could take his place? We’re talking about separation anxiety here. Separation anxiety is excessive concern about separation from home or from those to whom the child is attached. The youngster may develop excessive worrying to the point of being reluctant or refusing to go to school, bei...

Prodigal Son Is Returning Home

I have however printed out the age appropriate behaviour/chore charts from the e-book and we are in the process of tailoring them to our household. I have one for our 9 yr old as well for fairness. I wanted to wait until C___ was home so that both S___ (his step dad) and I could talk to him together. I didn’t want to do it on the phone because C___ can, does and will play me at any given opportunity. Before he left we told him that we would be changing the house around to accommodate for our growing family. C___ was previously staying in our sunroom, a huge room with access to the balcony. I know, I know.....he used it to full advantage....smoking outside....friends coming in the backdoor etc. We needed his old room for the baby because of its proximity to our room....anyway he will be going back to his old room.(and losing his teenage retreat!). In his absence we have converted the sunroom to a kids play/media room, with C___’s bed in there as a spare. We packed his things and they ar...

You Just Got Punked -- Again!

Hi Mark, Good news (I hope). Just when I resigned myself to not having C___ back home with us in the near foreseeable future, he text messaged my phone requesting birth certificate and bank details because he has found a part time job. (Part time is good because it means he still intends to go to school). His own money is a worry because of his need to drink and smoke it. (And other drugs). He came around home and visited briefly with his brothers, collected the above requested documents and left. I felt guarded and defensive, (and then guilty because being his mother I should've been more open and "loving"). He didn't know where he was going to be living, but he was clean and looked well, and was polite to myself and his brothers. He wanted to hold the baby and talk with my 9 yr old. After he left I felt so bad I texted his phone and told him that I love him, even if I have trouble saying it at times. (And after a bit of self-discovery I realised I only have trouble...

I am proud of myself -- I did it!

Dear Mark, In reading your book, I realized that there are others out there that have exactly the same problems as I do, and who are making exactly the same mistakes as I was -- and that there are people like yourself that advocate what I believed in. This has helped me gain the strength I needed to tackle the onslaught. And let me tell you that this is exactly what it has been the last 3 weeks. I put the expectations and responsibilities with the earning or loss of privileges on paper, and when I handed it to my son and wanted to discuss it with him – well, almighty hell broke loose! And this continued for a whole week – constant swearing and telling me he will not adhere to it and I will not control him. Although battered and bruised by the emotional experience, I am proud of myself -- I did it! I put my poker face on and stuck to my guns. A week later, although he is still not earning any pocket money (as he refuses to do what I have put on the list), he did come to me and as...

We've wasted hours in counseling...

Thanks Mark. After reading some of your ebook, it makes me realize areas we have to work on. Not ONE counselor we've ever seen has ever made more sense -- we've wasted hours in counseling. We are going to take some positive steps forward now. E. & P. Online Parent Support

How Do I Implement the 3-Day Grounding?

Hi Mark, I am new to your ebook. I am really hoping that I can follow what you have to say. I will give you a little background. I have a very difficult 15 year old son. He has always been difficult. He is ADHD, ODD and has anxiety issues. He has been on medication since age 8 and just recently went off of it and refuses to go back on it. Because his behavior has not been much worse since going off medication I haven't made that an issue. My son's father left us 6 years ago and moved to another state. He sees my 2 sons (my other is 12 and well behaved) once or twice a year and might call a couple times a month. My older son, J___, hates his father. He doesn't answer his phone calls and hates to go see him. This has made him a more angry kid. I got remarried a year ago and things have gotten worse. My husband has a hard time hearing J___ treat me the way he does. He is very disrespectful and explodes when things don't go his way. My husband has tried to stay out of it bu...

In a week's time, I've seen a great change...

Mark, Today, I spoke to my son's former counselor (whom I was asking for a referral for another counseling, which I did before I found your ebook). I told her, “I think I don't need it for now,” because I found your site. I gave her your site and told her to spread the word about your ebook, since her job deals with parents and kids of similar problems. In a week's time, I've seen a great change. Now my 2nd son (AJ) asks permission before he goes out of the house and calls me when he can't come home on the agreed time. I can also see some smiles on his face little by little. Thanks again for all the help! A.D. www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com

When One Parent Sabotages the Other

"You mention that it is better to have a weaker discipline strategy from both parents than a stronger strategy from one, but what if one parent will not discipline the child and goes behind your back to replace items you have withdrawn. This parent encourages the child to lie and be deceitful as he practices these traits and encourages the child not to tell Mom. We are close to divorce, but both desire the best for the child, but we see the best very differently. Some of these difficulties are exaggerated by our ages - I am 57 and he is 78; our son is 12." Click here for the answer...

I am sleeping on a couch...

Mark, Where do I begin?? Family makeup first: There is myself and my husband (married now three years). I have three daughters by a previous marriage. My oldest B is 22yrs, M who is 17 and the youngest S who is 16. My 16 and 17 year old live with my husband and me. My husband has one daughter who is 16 (does not live with him). OK!!! I am currently separated from my husband for the second time in 3 years. I left because I could not take anymore of his screaming, yelling, slamming doors and blaming. He blames myself and my youngest daughter S for his daughter R not coming around anymore. My daughter S is at times disrespectful, unruly, argumentative, physical sometimes, out of control. When my husband and I met my daughter was excited. She loved and respected him. When she would behave unruly she would go apologize to him (not me). She has never had a father figure in her life and my husband treated her with great respect. He would say yes maam to her and show interest in he...

He has run away from home...

Hello Mark, I emailed you several weeks ago regarding my 15 year old son, C___, who has run away from home. As I said in my last email, the police returned him, but due to his age told him they could not make him stay. As you can imagine, that sort of information to a 15 yr old with ODD/CD is gold and I haven’t seen him since. He is staying at his girlfriend's house with her family. She also is 15. This is unbelievable to me as I know they are involved in a sexual relationship. I believe the parents are now "encouraging" him to return home, persuading him to call home and "discuss" it with us. How lovely of them! (As yet, no phone call from him). I have learned from his school (specific purposes school for behaviour) that he has attended 3 days in the last 3 weeks, although the family where he is staying believe he is attending far more frequently, as the mother drives him there! The parents are a separate issue. I can’t deal with both and keep my sanity! What I...