ONLINE PARENTING COACH

The primary goal of adolescence is to achieve independence. For this to occur, they will start pulling away from their moms and dads — especially the parent whom they're the closest to. This can come across always seeming to have different opinions than their parents, or not wanting to be around them in the same way they used to. As adolescents mature, they start to think more abstractly and rationally. They're forming their moral code. And moms and dads may find that teens who previously had been willing to conform to please them will suddenly begin asserting themselves — and their opinions — strongly and rebelling against parental control. Adolescence can be a confusing time of change for all family members. But while these years can be difficult, there's plenty you can do to nurture your adolescent and encourage responsible behavior. Use the parenting tips below to deal with the challenges of raising a difficult, defiant adolescent. 40 tips for parents with de...

Some moms and dads think once they are divorced and most of the decisions have been made, the worst is behind them. Unfortunately, parenting after divorce is an ongoing challenge. The success of divorced parents depends on the decisions they make, their attitude toward their situation, and their compassion for their “blameless” kids. Divorced moms and dads are often overwhelmed by all the changes in their lives. They may be filled with guilt, blame, rage, or grief. Though they love their kids, it is often a major challenge to manage emotions and conflict with their ex-spouse in a way that helps their kids move through the changes and feel loved and secure. Things to consider when parenting children after a divorce: 1. Children need to feel understood. After a divorce, their feelings may be in turmoil. Listen to them. Don't tell them what to think. Be sure to respond specifically to what they are telling you. For example, say, “It sounds like you are feeling upset about m...

"How do I get back on track in my house when my son’s father (we are divorced) undermines my disciplinary efforts?" There are some families in which the parents’ beliefs about changing their kid’s behavior are so different that their attempts at discipline become more of a problem than a solution. A youngster whose mom is strict but whose dad is a consistent pushover, for example, receives confusing information about what’s expected. A parent who gives in to his kids’ every demand in the hope of satisfying them almost always finds that the opposite happens: Instead of letting up, the kids continue to push for more and more, looking for a sign of how much is too much. A similar thing happens if the moms and dads can’t decide how to discipline and set limits on their kids. It’s healthy for kids to see how their mom and dad reach a compromise or settle a disagreement if it’s done peacefully and effectively. But if the parents can’t reach an agreement, the kids’ behavior...

In order to really take advantage of “reverse psychology” as an effective parenting tool (and not have anyone catch on to it), parents really need to have a clear understanding of what it is and how it works. Parents are using reverse psychology when they intentionally argue in favor of a decision or behavior while secretly wanting their child to endorse the opposite decision or behavior. The technique makes use of the psychological phenomenon of “reactance” (i.e., an emotional reaction in opposition to perceived restrictions on a person’s behavioral freedoms). Reverse psychology is an important tool that parents can use to influence the decisions of their children. The technique tends to work best when parents reinforce independence with resistant teens. In order to reinforce independence in a reverse psychology format, parents argue against themselves versus the behavior they would like their teenager to engage in. Here are some examples of “good” reverse psychology: You...

There are hundreds of ways to present and describe house rules, but there are only a few core issues. In dealing with defiant child behavior, providing a lot of structure is paramount. Putting this structure in the form of a detailed “house rules” list will be your key to successful behavior modification. When drafting your list, be sure to use the child’s first name rather than the word “you” (e.g., “Michael is expected to …..” rather than “YOU are expected to …..”). Also, use the word “will” rather than “may” (e.g., “Parents will specify a time for …..” rather than “Parents may specify a time for …..”). The following are rules that moms and dads should consider for children with oppositional defiant behavior: 1. Michael is expected to be a self-manager. As his parents, we will become involved at the appropriate level of need, become more involved as necessary, and help Michael when he appears to need help. Michael’s behavior determines whether or not we need to make decisio...