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As kids enter the teenage years, they often beg for more freedom. Moms and dads walk a tightrope between (a) wanting their kids to be confident and able to do things for themselves and (b) knowing that the world can be a scary place with threats to their kid’s health and safety. Some moms and dads allow too much of the wrong kind of freedom, or they offer freedom before the teen is ready to accept it. Other moms and dads cling too tightly, denying young adolescents both the responsibilities they require to develop maturity and the opportunities they need to make choices and accept their consequences. Research tells us that teenagers do best when they remain closely connected to their moms and dads, but at the same time, are allowed to have their own points of view – and even to disagree with their mother or father. Here are 10 crucial parenting tips to help you balance closeness and independence: 1. Teenagers look to their moms and dads first and foremost in shaping their ...

"My teenage daughter has stopped talking to us. She just shuts us out. What can I do to get her to open up?" Teenagers often aren't great communicators, particularly with their moms and dads and other grown-ups who love them. Adolescents often feel they can talk with anyone better than their mother or father. They tend to be private, and don't necessarily want to tell parents what they did at school today. Many psychologists have found, however, that when moms and dads know where their kids are and what they are doing (and when the teen knows the parent knows), teens are at a lower risk for a range of problems (e.g., drug, alcohol and tobacco use; sexual behavior and pregnancy; delinquency and violence, etc.). The key is to be inquisitive – but not interfering. Work to respect your youngster's privacy as you establish trust and closeness. It's easiest to communicate with an adolescent if you established this habit when your youngster was little. You don...

Moms and dads often become less involved in the lives of their kids as they enter the middle grades. But your child needs as much attention and love from you as she needed when she was younger—and maybe more.    A good relationship with parents is the best safeguard the youngster has as she grows and explores. By the time she reaches the teenage years, you and she will have had years of experience with each other. The mother or father of today's little girl is also the parent to tomorrow's teen. Your relationship with your youngster will almost certainly change after elementary school. In fact, most parents report that their child's behavior changed drastically (for the worse) once he or she entered the 7th grade. But, these changes can be rewarding and welcome if treated appropriately.    ==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents with Difficult Preteens and Teens   As your middle school youngster makes mental and emotional leaps, your conversations...

Throughout our lives we grow and change, but during the preteen years, the rate of change is especially evident. We consider 11-year-olds to be kids, but we think of 16-year-olds as "almost adults" – a huge leap that happens in the space of only 5 years. We welcome the changes, but we also find them a bit challenging. When kids are younger, it is easier to predict when a change might take place and how rapidly. But by the preteen years, the relationship between a youngster’s real age and his developmental milestones grows weaker. Just how preteens develop can be influenced by many things (e.g., genes, families, friends, neighborhoods, values, etc.). Cognitive Changes— The cognitive or mental changes that take place in the preteen years may be less easy to see, but they can be just as dramatic as physical and emotional changes. During adolescence, most teenagers make large leaps in the way they think and reason and learn. Younger kids need to see and touch things to b...

Have you ever heard of “Raves”?   Raves are high energy, all-night parties that feature hard pounding techno-music and flashing laser lights. They are found in most urban areas and, increasingly, in rural areas throughout the country. The dances are held in clubs, abandoned warehouses, open fields, or empty buildings. Raves are frequently advertised as “alcohol/drug-free” dances with hired security personnel. However, they are dangerously over crowded events where your teenager can be exposed to rampant drug abuse and a high-crime environment. Numerous overdoses are documented at these dances. Raves are one of the most popular events where “club drugs” are distributed. Club drugs include Ecstasy, Meth and LSD – just to name a few. Because some of these club drugs are colorless, odorless, and tasteless, they can be added without detection to drinks (e.g., punch, root beer) by people who want to intoxicate or sedate others in order to commit sexual assaults. Rave promoters ...

Every little thing seems to set your teenage daughter off lately, and the more you try to help, the more she yells and slams her bedroom door. So, for the fatigued mothers and fathers out there, h ere are some tips for parenting teenage girls who seem to always be in crisis mode: 1. Become informed about today’s adolescent girl culture and issues (e.g., pressure toward sexual activity, oral or otherwise). 2. Don't try to minimize here multiple crisis episodes by saying something like, “One day you'll see how silly you have been acting.” Just listen and empathize. Part of being a teenage girl is feeling things intensely, so what may seem like no big deal to you is very important to her. Put yourself in her position, because after all, you were once there yourself. 3. Endeavor to remember how being 16 was for you. Did you feel ugly, fat, or lonely? Did you feel like your parents simply did not “understand”? 4. Figure out how to rescue your daughter from the...

Self-injury among teens is common – and the rate is increasing. This behavior is more common in adolescence than previously thought. Although it is important to assess the associated risk of suicide, self-injury is generally used to cope with distressing emotions, especially anger and depression. Many therapists have encountered teens that have harmed themselves, but denied suicidal intent. Recent studies have found that one-third to one-half of teens in the U.S. have engaged in some type of self-harm. Self-harming behavior is a considerable problem for therapists, not only because of the obvious danger of the client harming himself/herself, but also because of the difficulties in ascertaining whether the teen was trying to commit suicide. Self-injury intended to inflict pain on oneself most commonly includes the following: Banging walls Breaking bones Burning Cutting Hitting Ingesting toxic substances Interfering with healing of wounds Pinching Punching objects to i...

Learning to drive is a major rite of passage for adolescents – and their moms and dads. It's a time of exciting possibilities and achievements. It's also a time of high risk. Driving is fatal for almost 50,000 Americans every year. Young people between the ages of 16 and 25 have the highest rate of auto-related deaths, even though individuals in this age group may be bright, skilled, and have great reflexes. A collision is the most likely tragedy to kill or cripple an adolescent. Distractions are a problem for everyone, including adolescents. Using cell phones for talking, texting, email, or other Internet use is a proven cause of accidents – and must be strictly avoided. Vehicles have many important safety features (e.g., seat belts, shoulder straps, headrests, air bags, padded dashes, safety glass, collapsible steering columns, anti-lock brakes, etc.), but even with safety equipment, reckless driving is still a real danger to adolescents. All new drivers should take...

Sex education basics may be covered in health class, but adolescents might not hear or understand everything they need to know to make tough choices about sex. That's where parents come in. Awkward as it may be, sex education is your responsibility. By reinforcing and supplementing what your adolescent learns in school, you can set the stage for a lifetime of healthy sexuality. CLICK HERE for more...   ==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

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If you're the mother or father of an adolescent athlete, your life is probably as busy as your son's or daughter’s. It's important, however, to make time to talk to your adolescent about the dangers of performance-enhancing drugs and supplements. By setting rules and consequences and explaining the possible health effects of drug use, you can help your adolescent steer clear of performance-enhancing drugs and supplements. For adolescents, the most common performance-enhancing drugs and supplements include the following: Steroid precursors, such as androstenedione ("andro") and dehydroepiandrosterone (DHEA), are substances that the body converts into anabolic steroids. They're used to increase muscle mass. Most steroid precursors are illegal without a prescription. DHEA, however, is still available in over-the-counter preparations. Side effects of steroid precursors are similar to those for steroids. Creatine is a naturally occurring compound in the bod...

Adolescents are particularly vulnerable to alcohol use. The physical changes of puberty might make your adolescent feel self-conscious and more likely to take risks to fit in or please others. Also, your adolescent might have trouble understanding that his actions can have adverse consequences. Common risk factors for underage drinking include: History of behavior problems or mental health conditions Family problems (e.g., marital conflict, parental alcohol abuse, etc.) Increased stress at home or school Transitions (e.g., the move from middle school to high school, getting a driver's license, etc.) Whatever causes an adolescent to drink, the consequences may be the same. For example, underage drinking can lead to: Stunted development: Research shows that alcohol use may permanently distort an adolescent's emotional and intellectual development. Sexual activity: Adolescents that drink tend to become sexually active earlier and have sex more often than do adoles...