Mark,
It was a Godsend to speak to you, and again -- I thank you!
I am better today. Lia is home. I tried your the technique you teach of "give some praise through a wired shut by anger mouth"... :-) ..., yesterday on Lia. She DID the dishes, 1st time out and good.
After she finished them I said "TTTttttttthhhhhhaaannnnnkkkkk (aaarrrgggggggaAAaag) Yyyyyoooouuuu. You did the dishes great and even put them away without being asked. Want to help with dinner?"...
I swear she stood frozen, like a deer cemented in headlights, and eventually said "sure". So today is a new day. A thankful while hopeful day for the ONE day of peace I had yesterday and for the hope of adding another day today. It is at least a start. Thank you!"
Take Care,
D.
Online Parent Support
Cruel & Unusual Punishment
Mark,
Earlier today I overheard some parents talking about how traditional punishments stopped working for today’s teens and it got me thinking. Sending a teen to their bedroom really isn’t much of a punishment. They have so much to do in there that it’s fun - and making them stay home isn’t much of a discouragement either as many teens prefer to stay home.
Here are some creative punishments that will get you results when used as a threat or an actual punishment:
* Completely block their Internet access for a x days using your router.
* Delete all their MP3s off their computers and iPod.
* Delete their saved games off of their Xbox, PlayStation, etc.
* Delete all their ringtones and contacts off their cell phone.
* Delete their porn collection on their computer. Yes, even your child has one.
* Sell their iPod, game consoles, and/or camera on eBay and use the cash to buy something for yourself that they won’t enjoy.
* Sell their car and make them ride a bicycle, or worse, public transportation.
* Edit their MySpace profile and put Mom, Dad, Grandparents, and all their siblings in their Top 8. Delete all other friends except maybe ugly/unpopular ones. Then change their password so they can’t switch it back.
* When their friends call, pretend you’re getting them, then say, “___ said s/he will call you back after s/he’s finished watching his/her favorite 7th Heaven episode for the third time today.”
* Take all their favorite clothes and donate them to the Salvation Army, leaving them only with uncool dress clothes.
I didn’t list these in any particular order, but some should be reserved for more serious infractions.
My Out-of-Control Teen
Earlier today I overheard some parents talking about how traditional punishments stopped working for today’s teens and it got me thinking. Sending a teen to their bedroom really isn’t much of a punishment. They have so much to do in there that it’s fun - and making them stay home isn’t much of a discouragement either as many teens prefer to stay home.
Here are some creative punishments that will get you results when used as a threat or an actual punishment:
* Completely block their Internet access for a x days using your router.
* Delete all their MP3s off their computers and iPod.
* Delete their saved games off of their Xbox, PlayStation, etc.
* Delete all their ringtones and contacts off their cell phone.
* Delete their porn collection on their computer. Yes, even your child has one.
* Sell their iPod, game consoles, and/or camera on eBay and use the cash to buy something for yourself that they won’t enjoy.
* Sell their car and make them ride a bicycle, or worse, public transportation.
* Edit their MySpace profile and put Mom, Dad, Grandparents, and all their siblings in their Top 8. Delete all other friends except maybe ugly/unpopular ones. Then change their password so they can’t switch it back.
* When their friends call, pretend you’re getting them, then say, “___ said s/he will call you back after s/he’s finished watching his/her favorite 7th Heaven episode for the third time today.”
* Take all their favorite clothes and donate them to the Salvation Army, leaving them only with uncool dress clothes.
I didn’t list these in any particular order, but some should be reserved for more serious infractions.
My Out-of-Control Teen
Is age a factor?
Dear Mr. Hutten,
I have an 8-year-old child that was recently diagnosed with Oppositional Defiance Disorder. Just before his third birthday he was diagnosed as having autism. He had severe speech delay, cognitive issues, major behavioral problems and low social interaction.
With a combination of ABA, occupational and speech therapy, he is vastly improved. He now tests "normal" in cognitive tests, although he does continue to be a bit behind his peers.
His behavior, however, is horrific.
I tell people it's like living with a surly teenager. He lashes out if he doesn't get his way. At school he routinely hits other children if they frustrate/upset him in any way. He blames others for everything, even going so far as to say that his victims *told* him to do it. He has every single out of control behavior on the ODD list (with the exception of swearing because there is no swearing at all in our home).
Because he's routinely seen for autism, the doctors told us that his progress made is such that they don't consider him to be autistic and say he probably never was. So we had him reevaluated because if he's not autistic, then I wanted to know what we were dealing with.
He has a tentative diagnosis of ODD - the psychotherapist who evaluated him has gone on maternity leave.
We have all sorts of positive behavior modification programs in place, but nothing seems to work. Punishment and discipline only seems to exacerbate the situation.
We are quite literally at our wit's end. I'm wondering whether your program could help us. I see that it is geared towards teenagers, and I didn't know if it would work with someone as young as my son.
Thank you,
S.W.
`````````````````````
Hi S.,
Age is not a factor. There are a few age-specific strategies, but these are outlined in the eBook.
The parents I work with have tried very hard to address their child’s emotional and behavioral problems on their own, but with little or no success. And it seems the harder they try, the worse it gets.
Every Monday night at Madison Superior Court [Div. 2], I meet with a group of parents who are at a loss on what to do or how to help. We meet for 1 hour each session for 4 Mondays.
During our brief time together, I show the parent how to use some highly effective “unconventional” parenting strategies to use with their out-of-control, “unconventional” child.
I follow up with these parents weeks and months after they complete the program to track their success, and 80% - 90% of them report back to me that problems in the home have reduced in frequency and severity, and that the parent-child conflict is finally manageable.
Now I want to show YOU what I show them. I want to teach YOU how to approach your child -- in spite of all the emotional and behavioral problems.
There is no need for you to continue living as a frustrated, stressed-out parent. I will help you resolve most of the behavioral problems, but I can’t do it for you!
If you will read my eBook, listen to my talks, view my videos and power point presentations, and email me with specific questions as you go along – you WILL get the problems turned around. If you will take a step of faith here, you WILL experience the same success that thousands of other parents are now enjoying.
After years of dealing with strong-willed, defiant children, many parents feel so defeated that they believe nothing or nobody will be able to help them – they think it’s simply “too late.” But I promise you – it is NOT too late!!
If you’re tired of disrespect, dishonesty, arguments, hot tempers, etc., and if things are steadily getting worse as time goes by, then you may want to get started with these parenting strategies today.
I'm not a “miracle worker,” but you don't need a miracle to get your kid on a good track behaviorally and emotionally -- you just need the right combination of these “unconventional” parenting strategies I’d like to show you.
I’m here for you should you decide to Join Online Parent Support…
Mark Hutten, M.A.
Online Parent Support, LLC
Email: mbhutten@gmail.com
==> CLICK HERE to join Online Parent Support.
I have an 8-year-old child that was recently diagnosed with Oppositional Defiance Disorder. Just before his third birthday he was diagnosed as having autism. He had severe speech delay, cognitive issues, major behavioral problems and low social interaction.
With a combination of ABA, occupational and speech therapy, he is vastly improved. He now tests "normal" in cognitive tests, although he does continue to be a bit behind his peers.
His behavior, however, is horrific.
I tell people it's like living with a surly teenager. He lashes out if he doesn't get his way. At school he routinely hits other children if they frustrate/upset him in any way. He blames others for everything, even going so far as to say that his victims *told* him to do it. He has every single out of control behavior on the ODD list (with the exception of swearing because there is no swearing at all in our home).
Because he's routinely seen for autism, the doctors told us that his progress made is such that they don't consider him to be autistic and say he probably never was. So we had him reevaluated because if he's not autistic, then I wanted to know what we were dealing with.
He has a tentative diagnosis of ODD - the psychotherapist who evaluated him has gone on maternity leave.
We have all sorts of positive behavior modification programs in place, but nothing seems to work. Punishment and discipline only seems to exacerbate the situation.
We are quite literally at our wit's end. I'm wondering whether your program could help us. I see that it is geared towards teenagers, and I didn't know if it would work with someone as young as my son.
Thank you,
S.W.
`````````````````````
Hi S.,
Age is not a factor. There are a few age-specific strategies, but these are outlined in the eBook.
The parents I work with have tried very hard to address their child’s emotional and behavioral problems on their own, but with little or no success. And it seems the harder they try, the worse it gets.
Every Monday night at Madison Superior Court [Div. 2], I meet with a group of parents who are at a loss on what to do or how to help. We meet for 1 hour each session for 4 Mondays.
During our brief time together, I show the parent how to use some highly effective “unconventional” parenting strategies to use with their out-of-control, “unconventional” child.
I follow up with these parents weeks and months after they complete the program to track their success, and 80% - 90% of them report back to me that problems in the home have reduced in frequency and severity, and that the parent-child conflict is finally manageable.
Now I want to show YOU what I show them. I want to teach YOU how to approach your child -- in spite of all the emotional and behavioral problems.
There is no need for you to continue living as a frustrated, stressed-out parent. I will help you resolve most of the behavioral problems, but I can’t do it for you!
If you will read my eBook, listen to my talks, view my videos and power point presentations, and email me with specific questions as you go along – you WILL get the problems turned around. If you will take a step of faith here, you WILL experience the same success that thousands of other parents are now enjoying.
After years of dealing with strong-willed, defiant children, many parents feel so defeated that they believe nothing or nobody will be able to help them – they think it’s simply “too late.” But I promise you – it is NOT too late!!
If you’re tired of disrespect, dishonesty, arguments, hot tempers, etc., and if things are steadily getting worse as time goes by, then you may want to get started with these parenting strategies today.
I'm not a “miracle worker,” but you don't need a miracle to get your kid on a good track behaviorally and emotionally -- you just need the right combination of these “unconventional” parenting strategies I’d like to show you.
I’m here for you should you decide to Join Online Parent Support…
Mark Hutten, M.A.
Online Parent Support, LLC
Email: mbhutten@gmail.com
==> CLICK HERE to join Online Parent Support.
RAD Child
Mark:
Thank you for the quick email. My wife C___ and I are starting to go through the material now.
One question (I think I know the answer, but figured I would check), I am assuming these strategies have been successful on children with a diagnosis of Reactive Attachment Disorder as well as ODD. Our son C___ is 15 years old and exhibiting most of the issues you describe. He is extremely confrontational and defiant at this time, but not violent. He is insisting upon control of his life than making very poor decisions with that control. C___ was removed from his biological mother at 18 months and his father was already incarcerated by that time for sexually molesting one of C___'s sisters. Ended up, he later admitted to sexually molesting three of C___'s sisters (none were the father's biological children). The six children were all in foster care for a minimum of 7 years prior to being adopted.
We adopted C___ just before his 10th birthday. He had lived with us for approximately 10 months prior to the adoption. While there were always minor behavioral issues, the out of control teenager aspect has completely taken over since last January, providing us with truly 9 months of hell. While never a great student, he has lost ALL interest in school. He does attend, but is disruptive and refuses to do any work. Despite doing decently for the first two 10 week marking periods last year (mid to high 70's, some 80's), he ended up failing both math and english basically for not doing his work. Due to his behavior, the school is very close to filing a PINS (person in need of supervision) application with the courts.
C___ and I will be completing the article over the next two days and we are starting to try to put some of the strategies into play. We are definitely saying our prayers on this one. C___ is a good kid who was dealt a very poor hand early in his life.
R.
````````````
Hi R.,
It seems to me [going on what you’ve told me] that a main issue currently is poor academic performance. Please be sure to read the recommendation for this on the page entitled “Emails From Exasperated Parents” [online version of the eBook].
Mark
Thank you for the quick email. My wife C___ and I are starting to go through the material now.
One question (I think I know the answer, but figured I would check), I am assuming these strategies have been successful on children with a diagnosis of Reactive Attachment Disorder as well as ODD. Our son C___ is 15 years old and exhibiting most of the issues you describe. He is extremely confrontational and defiant at this time, but not violent. He is insisting upon control of his life than making very poor decisions with that control. C___ was removed from his biological mother at 18 months and his father was already incarcerated by that time for sexually molesting one of C___'s sisters. Ended up, he later admitted to sexually molesting three of C___'s sisters (none were the father's biological children). The six children were all in foster care for a minimum of 7 years prior to being adopted.
We adopted C___ just before his 10th birthday. He had lived with us for approximately 10 months prior to the adoption. While there were always minor behavioral issues, the out of control teenager aspect has completely taken over since last January, providing us with truly 9 months of hell. While never a great student, he has lost ALL interest in school. He does attend, but is disruptive and refuses to do any work. Despite doing decently for the first two 10 week marking periods last year (mid to high 70's, some 80's), he ended up failing both math and english basically for not doing his work. Due to his behavior, the school is very close to filing a PINS (person in need of supervision) application with the courts.
C___ and I will be completing the article over the next two days and we are starting to try to put some of the strategies into play. We are definitely saying our prayers on this one. C___ is a good kid who was dealt a very poor hand early in his life.
R.
````````````
Hi R.,
It seems to me [going on what you’ve told me] that a main issue currently is poor academic performance. Please be sure to read the recommendation for this on the page entitled “Emails From Exasperated Parents” [online version of the eBook].
Mark
Have children evaluated...
Dear Mark,
I think your "my out of control teen" site is extremely rich in content with so many links and avenues for reader participation. The information on camps and schools and the even the links to blogs offers such a variety of help.
That you repeat often the advice to have children evaluated is so important. When my husband's nephew at age 12 began to sleep more and lost interest in after-school activities, a few weeks passed with his parents worrying about depression and what might be happening at school before they thought to take him to the doctor. It was leukemia.
I think missing important medical clues with children will worsen with fewer families able to afford general health care and more destitute families using emergency rooms instead of family physicians.
C.
Online Parent Support
I think your "my out of control teen" site is extremely rich in content with so many links and avenues for reader participation. The information on camps and schools and the even the links to blogs offers such a variety of help.
That you repeat often the advice to have children evaluated is so important. When my husband's nephew at age 12 began to sleep more and lost interest in after-school activities, a few weeks passed with his parents worrying about depression and what might be happening at school before they thought to take him to the doctor. It was leukemia.
I think missing important medical clues with children will worsen with fewer families able to afford general health care and more destitute families using emergency rooms instead of family physicians.
C.
Online Parent Support
I am not a person who normally seeks outside support...
Mark,
I am very interested in your eBook and would like to make the purchase. I am not a person who normally seeks outside support or help for my family. But my 18 year old son is just out of control, I cant seem to get a handle on him.
I have three other children, 1 out of college, 1 in college, 1 in Junior high. My other three children are good students and are very respectful to themselves and others. My 18 year old son Kurt is the one that I need help with. The friends he hangs out with, the breaking of his curfew, not being able to keep a job, anger issues, Pot & Alcohol, and poor grades in school.
I can go on..................
Can you help with him?
Is your $29 fee only for the eBook, you mention videos and PowerPoint's?
Please advise. Thanks again.
R.
```````````````````
R.,
As a member of Online Parent Support, you get the following:
· My Out-Of-Control Teen eBook which contains the text version of the parent -program -- you'll get the online version and the printable hard-copy version
· Live audio recordings you can listen to online
· Power Point Presentations and Videos you can view online
· Full access to OPS Website
· Full access to Bonus eBooks Site
· Parent Forum where a community of parents support each other
· OPS Bi-weekly Newsletter
· On-going & easy access to your own personal parenting-coach via phone, email correspondence, or OPS Chat Room
· No hassle money-back guarantee
If for any reason, you are not satisfied with this package, you can call me or email with your refund request and I'll see to it that you get an immediate 100% refund - no questions asked.
You may join here whenever you're ready to get started...
==> www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com
Mark
I am very interested in your eBook and would like to make the purchase. I am not a person who normally seeks outside support or help for my family. But my 18 year old son is just out of control, I cant seem to get a handle on him.
I have three other children, 1 out of college, 1 in college, 1 in Junior high. My other three children are good students and are very respectful to themselves and others. My 18 year old son Kurt is the one that I need help with. The friends he hangs out with, the breaking of his curfew, not being able to keep a job, anger issues, Pot & Alcohol, and poor grades in school.
I can go on..................
Can you help with him?
Is your $29 fee only for the eBook, you mention videos and PowerPoint's?
Please advise. Thanks again.
R.
```````````````````
R.,
As a member of Online Parent Support, you get the following:
· My Out-Of-Control Teen eBook which contains the text version of the parent -program -- you'll get the online version and the printable hard-copy version
· Live audio recordings you can listen to online
· Power Point Presentations and Videos you can view online
· Full access to OPS Website
· Full access to Bonus eBooks Site
· Parent Forum where a community of parents support each other
· OPS Bi-weekly Newsletter
· On-going & easy access to your own personal parenting-coach via phone, email correspondence, or OPS Chat Room
· No hassle money-back guarantee
If for any reason, you are not satisfied with this package, you can call me or email with your refund request and I'll see to it that you get an immediate 100% refund - no questions asked.
You may join here whenever you're ready to get started...
==> www.MyOutOfControlTeen.com
Mark
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