What To Do When You Don’t Like Your Teenager’s Friends

Parenting an adolescent can be tough, especially when he or she starts bringing new friends home. With all the different friends your youngster is bound to make, it’s very likely you’re going to dislike at least one of them. Here’s what to do to keep this issue from becoming a big problem:

1. As long as your youngster isn’t getting into trouble with his friend, and your dislike is not based on anything concrete, let your youngster make his own choices about which friends he is going to hang-out with. Keep a close eye, but believe in your kid to make good decisions.

2. Ask yourself if what you don’t like about the friend really matters. Is it the way he dresses? Is it a lack of good manners? Is your youngster getting into trouble with this friend? Once you identify this, you will have a better idea of how to proceed.

3. Be a fly on the wall when the friend is over.  One of the best ways to listen to conversations your teen and her friends are having is to make snacks and walk in and out of the area replenishing the snacks and drinks without saying anything that would call attention to yourself.

4. Don’t turn everything into a life lesson. If you do this every time your adolescent tells you a story, soon he won’t tell you anything. Laugh with him. If you can’t do that, laugh at him. If something he says causes minor concern, wait and bring it up later under a different context.

5. Don't attack your youngster's friends. Nothing will start an argument faster than suggesting that her friends are not good enough. She really needs her friends at this stage in her life. Criticizing the friends is seen by adolescents as being the same as criticizing them.

6. Every time your youngster gets into trouble, it can’t be the fault of the other youngster 100% of the time. Remember that your youngster is not perfect. There may be times when he is the bad influence.

7. Few things drive an adolescent closer to her “problem friends” than a parent’s snap judgment. You may tell your adolescent you just don’t like her friends when you don’t really know them, and this can make her very angry, possibly driving her closer to the friend in order to try to prove you wrong. In many cases, if you try to tell your youngster who not to be friends with, you can bet you have just picked her new best friend, even if that friendship happens entirely behind your back. Adolescents have a tendency to dig in their heels when they're given an ultimatum, either out of loyalty to the friend or resentment at being told what to do.

8. If the friendship shows signs of falling apart, don’t point out how you were right all along. Your teen certainly doesn’t want to hear “I told you so” anymore than we as grown-ups want to hear that when we make mistakes.

9. If you decide that you do need to get involved in your child’s friendships, sit her down and give her clear concrete reasons. Focus on the impact the friendship is having on your adolescent, rather than spouting off a list of things you dislike about the other kid. Are her grades slipping? Has she given up other friendships? Have you caught her lying? Has she gotten into serious trouble? Discuss these concerns with a serious tone.

10. If you notice that your youngster is suddenly cussing or missing curfew since he started hanging out with a particular friend, focus on dealing with his behavior rather than disrespecting the friend. If you're consistent about disciplining your teen for any rules he and his friend break while the friend is visiting, he may get sick of being in trouble every time his friend comes over and eventually ditch him.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

11. If your teenager meets a friend you like, encourage that relationship. Offer to take them to the movies or some other outing. Talk about how great it was and how it worked out so well for everybody (without exaggerating).

12. If you're discouraging a particular friendship, make it easier for your youngster to start a new one. Fill his calendar with activities he enjoys. It will give him a chance to meet new friends outside of school and the neighborhood.

13.  Instead of telling your adolescent everything you don’t like about his friends, make a point of talking to him about what friends should be. Take some time to teach your adolescent what traits to look for in a friend.  Be subtle though. Adolescents know when you are trying to drop hints and come at something from another angle.

14. Make sure your youngster knows your family rules and values. For example, "You can only go to parties if a parent is there to supervise." Be as clear and consistent as you can about what's acceptable and what's not.

15. Make your home somewhere teens want to hang out. The teens who are the real troublemakers don’t want to hang out anywhere near moms or dads. So they will tend to go away and find other peers who are equally less supervised.

16. Many moms and dads feel they need to manage their teenager’s choice of friends out of a sense that they're losing control, but that's not doing your children any favors in the long run. You want your kids to be able to make decisions on their own. 

17. Moms and dads often don't like their kid's friends without realizing that children choose friends for specific reasons. Ask yourself, “Why is my youngster attracted to this particular kid?" Is she lonely? Did her group just dump her? Is this person exciting to be around? Learn how to ask the right questions in a curious, nonjudgmental way. For example, "Help me understand what it is about Craig that you're drawn to."

18. Sometimes, children just "try on" friends for a while to see who fits, then move on. In some cases, they may choose friends with traits they feel they lack and admire. In other cases, they may choose friends with similar traits (e.g., teens with low self-esteem can be attracted to other teens with low self-esteem).

19. Take time to get to know your adolescent’s friends. Then, if you really do disapprove of them for legitimate reasons, you have a leg to stand on. Think about opening your home to them or driving them to outings. Your initial “accepting attitude” will probably go a long way in establishing your credibility if you have issues with your adolescent’s friends later.

20. The best judge of character is often other teens. Listen to what your child’s other friends have to say about the kid you don’t like.

21. With respect to romantic relationships, don't let your dislike of your teenage daughter’s boyfriend hinder your relationship with her. Make sure she knows you're always there for her, regardless of whom she's dating. 

 

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Rude Teens and Backtalk: 25 Tips for Parents

Backtalk can be one of the most frustrating behaviors for moms and dads. It's hard to keep cool and clear-headed when teens are being disrespectful. The angrier we become, the more backtalk our teens dish out. Don't despair. Taming backtalk takes practice, but if you stay calm and consistent, you can get a hold of this troublesome behavior. 

You can control this vicious cycle if you follow some of the tips below:

1. Avoid the word "if" (as in "If you do that again, I'm going to..."). It makes you sound weak instead of decisive, and your teenager will pick up on that. Moms and dads tend to over-talk. Taking action is much more effective.

2. Back off. If your adolescent is irate, any attempts to restrict or discipline her will only be counterproductive. Give her some time to cool off. If the situation calls for a consequence, it can be dealt later, but too often moms and dads make threats that are too harsh in the heat of the moment.

3. Backtalk sometimes comes from adolescents trying to learn how to assert their independence and test limits, so help them make good choices within the boundaries that you set. As much as possible, help them to be responsible for their own behavior, even if it means that they have to deal with the negative consequences (this can often be the best learning experience).

4. Be willing to have conversations (not arguments) about adjusting the rules and consequences every few months as your teenager gets older and can take on more responsibility. However, make it clear that your adolescent must be able to present her position to you without being rude (an excellent life skill to instill). In addition, all parties involved need to understand that just because the adolescent may present a good argument in a polite manner, it doesn't mean that you're required to change your position. Be willing to listen with an open mind and be up for a discussion, but in the end, you are the mother or father with the life experience to make good decisions, as well as the adult responsible for your teenager’s safety and well-being.

5. Beware small things that may start long arguments. A little disagreement over whether or not you were fair in grounding him two weeks ago may spiral into a fight over how fair you are regularly.

6. Calm down. If the teenager talks back in a very disrespectful way, leave the room and the conversation. If the teenager trails behind, let him know that backtalk will not be tolerated, and ignore the teenager. After calming down, then decide on the punishment for the offense. Do not lecture or give long-winded speeches, as your adolescent will simply tune out, which will in turn make you more likely to get worked up.

7. Do not negotiate with your teenager, back down, or let her draw your into an argument about the consequence that you are enforcing. Consequences are consequences and shouldn't be up for discussion or argument. If your teenager feels like she can argue or negotiate a consequence, she'll be more likely to continue an undesired behavior and moreover, more likely to argue even more the next time around.

8. Do not talk about several issues at a time. Concentrate only on one thing, and try to sort it out rationally.

9. Encourage your teen to express herself in the future. Most teens hold their frustration in too long, and then do something drastic when it's too much.

10. Give your teenager the same respect that you would like, and try to refrain from name-calling or labeling with such words as, “spoiled brat.” Instead, keep the focus on the behavior that you would like to change.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

11. Ignore any backtalk associated with the consequence. Don't get drawn into explaining or justifying your position. Also, don't punish your teenager again if he gives you backtalk when you enforce the consequence. Treat it as one incident.

12. Ignore mumblings. Sometimes teens complain. It's their way of saying they'll do it, but only because they have to, not because they want to. This is fine. A response isn't necessary, or even expected by the teenager.

13. Make sure that the rules of the house are very clear and specific. You may need to say to your teenager (at a time when you are both calm), “We have been fighting a lot lately, so we need to sit down and clarify what my/our expectations for your behavior are, and what the consequences will be for breaking the rules.”

14. Offer the teenager choices. Teens are less likely to argue if they feel they have a choice. Even if neither option is really attractive to them, they feel more empowered to be able to choose. So, give them choices whenever you can, but make it clear when no choice exists and you are not willing to negotiate, especially when it comes to matters of your teenager’s safety.

15. One common refrain from adolescents is, “You don’t understand!” Do not further frustrate your teenager by saying, “Yes, I do!” or “I went through exactly what you are going through now.” We all like to think of experiences as unique. Instead of asserting a "been there, done that" stance, help your teenager practice communicating without being rude by responding, “I may not understand, but I do want to try to understand what you are feeling. Can we talk about it later when we’re both calmer, or you can you write it down and send me an e mail, if you like?”

16. Realize that your teen is going through a difficult time. Teenagers have many stresses. Your child is maturing into an adult and is dealing with pressures from school, homework, friends, popularity, dating, after-school activities, individuality, hormones, etc. It's a heavy load for her to carry.

17. Remember that your teenager really does love you. She argues when she is angry and makes statements she doesn't mean because she is just learning to express herself and doesn't see many other ways, especially if she feels she is not being effective talking calmly.

18. Set up a certain time of day in which the teen can talk back to you. You can say to her, “From 6:00 to 6:15 p.m., you can ask me to re-explain all my decisions. Save it for then. If you need to, write it down in a note to yourself. Then at 6:00, we’ll sit down and I’ll explain to you why you can’t __________ (insert something they wanted to do, but you said ‘no’) or how come you got grounded for __________ (insert misbehavior). But at 6:15, our discussion is done. If you try to keep it going, there will be consequences.” In this way, if you feel like you want to give your teenager an outlet to vent her complaints, there’s a way to do it without getting sucked-in to perpetual arguing.

19. Tell the teenager what you need to tell him, and then leave. This will help the teenager appreciate that the mother or father has the last word.

20. Think about how you speak to your teenager and to others around you. How often are you sarcastic or rude? Is your teenager picking up on your tone and the way you treat others? Try to adjust your own behavior and remember that whether she knows it or not, you are your teenager's greatest influence in terms of nurturing the right kinds of behavior in her. Consider telling your teenager that you have noticed that you can be rude to others sometimes, and that you're going to try to modify your own behavior. Sometimes, moms and dads admitting that they too can make mistakes or have things that they need to work on, makes all the difference in terms of communication. Your teenager will feel less like she's under attack and more open to making adjustments of her own.

21. Treat first offenses like teaching opportunities. Firmly inform the teenager that the behavior is unacceptable. Then continue the discussion, never revisiting the issue that started the backtalk in the first place.

22. Try to break a pattern of interaction in which your teenager is constantly rude to you – and you in turn respond with frustration and/or punishment. Tell your teenager that you don't like the way your relationship has been lately, and that you would like to do something pleasant together. Let your teenager choose something that the two of you can do together, and make a pact that neither of you will be rude or critical. If one of you breaks the pact, end the activity, and try again another day. 

23. Use "I" statements to let your teenager know how his backtalk makes you feel. You might say, "When you speak in a disrespectful tone, I feel hurt and frustrated. "I" statements help us to stay calm and communicate clearly.  In addition, we are modeling positive communication skills to our teens. Many times, if we stay calm and let our teens know how we feel, they will calm down too. Backtalk is angry, impulsive behavior. When we calm down and give our teens a chance to think about what they have said, they will often feel truly remorseful.

24. When your teenager uses rude words to label you or someone else, ask her to be specific. Say, “When you call me _____, it is not only rude and will not be tolerated, but it also does not help me understand what you want. Tell me what you are upset about or what you would like to happen.”

25. Your teen learns that her parents can lose control and that by pushing the right buttons, she can get you to lose control. Understand that once you've started using yelling as a behavioral management tool, you’ve told your teen everything she needs to know about pushing your buttons.

 

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Dealing with Parental Guilt: Tips for Parents with Defiant Teens

Guilt is a reality for those of us who are raising defiant teens. Balancing the tasks of raising kids, caring for our home, nurturing our relationship with our spouse, and earning money to pay the bills is just plain hard work.

To make matters even more difficult, our child is now a teenager who may be acting out (e.g., being disrespectful, verbally abusive, failing academically, violating curfew, etc.). Something has to give!

There’s just no way to do it all perfectly all the time – and so we don’t. We don’t fall short out of choice though, so we feel guilty. We are disappointed that our teenage son or daughter didn’t turn out the way we thought he or she would? We wonder how this child is going to function as an adult out in the “real world.” We feel like we should have been a better parent? And we have come to terms with the fact that our child is not the person we once knew. So what is a parent to do in light of all these circumstances?

Feeling guilty is a habit that will take time to break. If our guilt is excessive or debilitating, we may be reacting to memories of our own childhood, which may or may not have anything to do with what our teenagers need now.

Many of us feel that we are less than perfect in our parenting. The problem here is that we think that something is perfect. What would that be though? There is much written on what “model parenting” is, but there are many circumstances where this "model" does not make a difference, or is complicated by other “less than model” factors.

No mother or father remains calm and collected ALL the time. And no child ALWAYS behaves as a perfect little being. Thus, we need to accept that we are “less-than-perfect” parents. We must cut ourselves a little slack and demand less from ourselves – and our teens.

Recognizing what we “could have done” is not necessarily what was possible. When we think about what was possible (spending more time with our kids, not having worked so much, not going through with a divorce) we often forget that, at that time, there were other things going on that made that impossible. When recalling what was possible, our recall is usually faulty. For example, we have forgotten how intolerable it was to live with our spouse prior to that divorce, or how difficult it was to find a job that did not require moving to a new school district (which in turn angered our children).

When all demands of our child are met, he or she loses the importance of things and begins to take it as a matter of right. Who in this world gets all their demands met? Thus, we should help our son or daughter to develop frustration-tolerance and develop a “learn to earn” approach.

While being consumed with guilt, we forget an essential fact: we are not “all knowing.” Sure, we are probably better informed regarding “good parenting practices” than our grandparents where (perhaps). But, that doesn't mean we blame ourselves for not knowing everything.

 

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

The Holidays and "Disneyland Parent" Syndrome

Will your children be spending a good portion of the holidays with your ex-spouse? If so, you may find yourself dealing with “Disneyland parent” syndrome…

What is “Disneyland parent” syndrome? One possible reaction of an ex-spouse with part-time custody is to spoil the kids, ignore family rules, and become the “fun” mother or father in an effort to alleviate guilt, win the kids over, or make the ex-spouse look bad.  

 

After divorce, it is common for one of the parents to feel guilty and think that her/she has to buy the youngster’s love and affection. In many cases, it is the nonresident parent who feels this burden so that his/her youngster will look forward to their time together.

Some Disneyland parents may only see their children on holidays, but when they do, they make up for lost time and may take their children on extravagant trips, ignore bedtimes, eat cupcakes for breakfast, or skip from one adventure to the next. When they are away from their kids, they may send expensive gifts that were not agreed upon by the other parent. Simply stated, these ex-spouses are focused on what their children want – and not so much on what they need.

While nonresident dads are often perceived as “the Disneyland parent,” nonresident moms are generally considered to be more involved in their kid's daily lives. However, research suggests that nonresident moms and dads exhibit a similar pattern of participation in activities with their absent kids, controlling for socio-demographic/family characteristics.

Most nonresident moms and dads either engage in only leisure activities with their kids – or have no contact at all. Only about 1/3 of Disneyland parents mention school among activities they participate in with their youngster. These findings indicate that nonresident “parent-child interaction patterns” may be the result of circumstances surrounding the nonresidential role rather than the gender of the ex-spouse.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Tips for ex-spouses in dealing with the “Disneyland parent” issue:

1. Be sure that you and your ex discuss a list of family rules that are enforced at both homes.

2. Don’t focus on material goods or having every holiday being an exciting vacation. Instead, listen to your children, understand their needs, and focus on spending quality time with them.

3. It is important for the nonresident parent to call as much as possible. This lets the youngster know that, even though you can’t be around every day, you are still there for them and they can talk to you any time of day.

4. If you are the nonresident parent, it will be natural for you to want to spoil your youngster if you haven’t seen him/her for an extended period of time. But it is important to remember your youngster still needs boundaries when he/she is with you. Setting boundaries will help your youngster respect you instead of seeing you as just a “buddy with money.”

5. Never complain about your ex-spouse’s issues with your kids or make your kids take sides.

6. If you are the resident parent, try giving your ex-spouse more responsibility during the kids’ visits (e.g., getting them haircuts, taking them clothes shopping, etc.).

7. Understand that your divorce was likely necessary and that your children will be happier IF you and your ex-spouse are happier apart.

8. Understand that your ex-spouse is probably displaying feelings of deep guilt about the divorce, as well as not being able to be with his/her children full-time. Have an open and honest conversation with your ex regarding the issue, and reassure your ex that he/she doesn’t have to bribe the children for love.

9. When the children return home after visiting the nonresident parent, have a one-hour “transition time” where the kids just go to their rooms and unwind, unpack and have a snack. They don’t have to talk about the visit, chores, homework, or anything else. They just relax and re-acclimate to their home-environment. After an hour or so, meet with the children to set-up some structure for the night (e.g., homework, chores, TV time, bedtime, etc.). Also set-up some structure for the week (e.g., getting up, getting to school on time, etc.). Structure helps kids feel safe and content.

10. You don’t have to buy your kids lavish gifts every time they come to visit in order for them to enjoy their time with you. The small things are often THE MOST important things (e.g., leaving a note in their lunch box, watching cartoons together, walking around the park, etc.).  It’s the small things that convey to your kids that you still care about them.

 

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

Avoiding Homework Battles with Teens

Most moms and dads find it difficult to tolerate an adolescent that they feel isn't trying. And unfortunately, often times the parents' attempt to motivate the teen actually backfires.

In other words, the teen still refuses to do homework, but now parent-child conflict enters the picture; her refusal to do homework is often an indirect way of expressing anger. So how can parents get their teenager to be responsible for homework - but at the same time - avoid a knock-down drag-out fight? 

Here are some tips for motivating your teen to do homework without the power struggles:

1. After an elapsed time, encourage your adolescent to do something she enjoys. Having her do something in which she excels will help bolster the confidence she needs to try school challenges.

2. Arrange for a peer study group. Encourage your teenager to form a study group of friends or neighborhood peers. Research shows that when teens study together, it can improve retention. It makes learning 'active' rather than 'passive' - and encourages communication. However, moms and dads should be aware of what is happening within the study group; study groups need to be monitored.

3. Before trying any “remedies,” get a second opinion. If your adolescent's teachers feel she's doing pretty well (and if they have the test scores to prove it), it is worth listening.

4. Bring their backpack to them. This may seem ridiculous to you, but it can work. Adolescents are lazy by nature. It can be all the more difficult to get them to work if what they need is downstairs - and they are comfortable on the couch upstairs. Sometimes, adolescents will forget about work, simply because it is not in sight.

5. Consider whether your underachiever has hit a downward spiral because he's disorganized or just doesn't know how to cope with a busy schedule with several subjects to work on every night.

6. Discuss consequences. If they are planning on going out with friends, don't nag them to get the homework done before hand, but let them know that if they fail any assignments, they will not hang with friends outside of school for a week. The same applies if they want to do something like go skateboarding or something like that. Allow them to go, but with conditions.

7. Don’t argue or bargain. Teenagers will try to bargain their way out of homework. If they are able to get out of it once, they will keep trying. Let your teenager know that there is no room for negotiation. Don’t let procrastination turn into a bad habit.

8. Find a homework tutor. Many moms and dads feel frustrated when they can’t help their teenager with homework. A helpful resource can be a tutoring center (e.g., Sylvan Learning Center).

9. Help your teenager prioritize assignments. In high school, there are many long projects and papers rather than short worksheet assignments. This can be overwhelming, especially if your teenager procrastinates. To avoid this, help him prioritize assignments based on due date, length, and the percentage of the final grade.

10. If grades are failing or falling, take away screen time so your teenager can focus and have more time to concentrate on his work.

11. If you feel yourself getting reactive or frustrated, take a break from helping your teenager with homework. Your blood pressure on the rise is a no-win for everyone. Take 10 minutes to calm down, and let your teenager do the same if you feel a storm brewing.

12. If your adolescent is simply being lazy, ask him to get up and do something that he will enjoy for a few minutes. Once he is off his butt, it might become much easier to get him to go and get his homework.

13. If your school system provides an online grade book, take advantage of it. Check up regularly (at least twice a week), and notice when grades rise and fall, as well as missing assignments. Work with your adolescent to come up with plans to raise grades and do well on tests.

14. Make it the rule that weekend activities don’t happen until work is completed. Homework comes first. The weekend doesn’t begin until homework is done.

15. Make sure that homework is done in a public area of your house if your teen simply goes through the motions of completing homework, but in reality, is just goofing off.

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents

16. Instead of telling your teen to "go start your homework," bring him to the computer or his work space and sit down next to him. Don't give up and walk away. Just sit there next to him and violate his personal space until he opens the notebook or laptop and start the work. Watch to make sure that he really starts. Sometimes, it is a simple push that he needs. Once he is on a roll, you can walk away and let him continue.

17. Monitor their computer history. If they are working on a computer, watch to make sure that they don't stray. You can also set parental controls and restrictions on their internet access.

18. Progress may be exceedingly slow, but express pleasure in anything. An improvement from a C to a C+ is a good start. A few forays into grades of B- and above will prove to the underachiever that she is capable of better work, and nothing terrible will happen if she does it.

19. Provide a good atmosphere for studying. It’s hard to study if someone is in the next room watching television. Set a good example and read a book of your own while your teenager is studying. The more you minimize distractions, the easier it will be for her to finish homework quickly and accurately.

20. Relate assignments to the bigger picture. You’ve probably heard the questions: “Why do I have to do this?” or “When am I ever going to use this?” Explain how different assignments are applicable to real life and how they are used by people in various careers.

21. To adolescents, the most important things are friends and hobbies. Homework is a byproduct of school, and nobody likes it. Undoubtedly, your adolescent will have peers that completely blow-off all of their work, and this can be a negative influence. Show them that they can be cool and have good grades, not one or the other. Do this by telling them stories about when you were a child, tests that you failed, and homework that you did not turn in. Don't make it seem like you are encouraging not turning in the work, but your adolescent will look at you differently when he knows that you were just like him at his age.

22. Remember what worked in the past. Think about a time when your teenager has gotten homework done well and with no arguments. What was different? What made it work that time? Ask your teenager about it and believe what she says. See what works and motivates her.

23. Responsible grown-ups were not necessarily responsible adolescents. Remember those days when you were going through the same thing? Allow your adolescent to learn from his failure, which is an excellent motivator. Just keep track of his progress to make sure that he does not fail too much.

24. If your teen is an A+ procrastinator, you will want to see to it that homework is done at the same time each night.

25. Since underachievers generally have low self-esteem, offering emotional support helps immensely. Show acceptance and affection for your teen, and make certain that she knows you love her no matter what her academic standing.

26. Sometimes, one of the best ways to help an underachiever is to not get directly involved in homework. Find out how much time she should be spending on homework every night, and then require that that amount of time be invested. Make sure she touches base with you to show that she made an effort to do her work. Then check to see that the work makes it into the backpack, because doing the work - but not taking it to school - is another form of self-sabotage for the underachiever.

27. Try to understand why your adolescent does not want to do homework. There are many reasons why adolescents may not want to do their work. Are they absorbed in some other task? Are they planning on going out with friends? Or maybe they're just obsessed with playing a video game. Whatever it is, knowing the cause is the best way to counter.

28. Adolescents can feel loved "conditionally," which means that they only think you approve of them when they do a good job. This can lead to depression and bitterness. Thus, try to be as positive as possible. If your adolescent tells you that he failed a test, be understanding. It took a lot of courage for him to work up the nerve to tell you this, and the cooler you are with it, the more likely he is to come and talk with you on a regular basis.

29. When you start over-focusing on your teenager’s homework, pause and think about your own goals. What are your life goals, and what “homework” do you need to get done in order to achieve those goals? Model your own persistence and perseverance to your teenager.

30. When your adolescent simply dislikes the subject, confide in her that you will do it for her if she brings it out. Have her bring it to the couch where the two of you can sit together and work. Judge the scope of your adolescent's understanding, and then sort of trick her into doing the work herself. Tell her you have to use the restroom, and just walk away. Before you go, ask her to do two or more on her own.

If none of the tips above help, consult a professional. Underachievement often has deep psychological roots, and if you're not making headway with your adolescent, you would be wise to contact someone who can help discover what's bothering her.

 

==> My Out-of-Control Teen: Help for Parents